


The Serendipity of Time

by Heki564



Series: Serendipity of Time [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Flashbacks, Homophobic Language in Chapter 14, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slight Canon Divergence, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9786998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heki564/pseuds/Heki564
Summary: After about twenty years, Ray is faced with the man that broke his heart. Now he's expected to travel across time and save the world with that man.Or, the one where Ray and Len dated in high school, ending in a bad break up, only to be thrust together in some twisted form of fate.





	1. Chapter 1

Ray has had his heart broken multiple times over the course of his life. Three if he wanted to be exact. Felicity was the most recent and totally his fault. He knew she was in love with Oliver from the start but he thought there was a chance that he could make her love him. It wasn’t really a surprise when he couldn’t.

Anna may have been the closest he would ever get to a happy ending. That was ripped from him when the Mirukuru soldiers raided the city. It had left an open wound that had hurt for months. With Felicity, the wound had been able to scab over and eventually healed. It was still a scar, but it no longer hurt. However, Anna wasn’t his first love, as much as he liked to pretend she was.

The first time his heart was broken maybe rivaled the loss of Anna, if only for the fact that he never got closure. Honestly, he still had no idea why it ended. Despite this, he had moved past it. Or at least he thought he did until he was staring them in the face nearly twenty years later.

For the entirety of Hunter’s speech, Ray was frozen. He tried to focus on the time master’s words instead of the fact that the man who broke his heart was three feet away from him. Obviously, he didn’t mean anything to Snart, or maybe the man had just forgotten what they had many years ago as the man hadn’t spared him a look the entire time either.

After Rip left, he had to ask the group, “So, what do you think.”

“I think that’s five minutes of my life I’m not getting back.” Ray couldn’t prevent his eyes from looking then. Snart was much older now, and there was a drawl to his voice that wasn’t there in their teenage years. He looked the part of a criminal, though Ray really couldn’t be surprised. He had always had the air of a bad boy around him.

Stein was talking then, before Ray could get his brain back in working order. “He just showed us the entire world in flames. You can’t turn your back on that.”

“Observe.” Snart made eye contact with Ray and the man could see there in his eyes that he did in fact remember everything. He just didn’t care.

Relief flooded Ray as he watched Snart walk away from him for the second time. “Well, I think we can all agree that the mission will go a whole lot better without those two.” While he was glad that he wouldn’t have to deal with an old flame on the mission, he had at least hoped that their past held something that Snart looked back on.

As the group disbanded and Ray made his way back to Oliver, he had made up his mind. This mission was exactly what he needed and now there was nothing holding him back.

 

* * *

 

_**1990** _

Raymond Palmer was the type of student who prided himself on his academic achievements. He strived for the highest grades and perfect attendance. He had never been so much as tardy for class in his entire academic career. That is, before today.

Today, while on the way to his locker, he was stopped by the secretary. Apparently he was wanted in the principal’s office; a place he had never stepped foot in. Confused and slightly worried, Ray had no choice but to follow the woman to the administrative offices to be ushered into the principal’s as the final bell rang.

He glanced around the office, taking in the wall of accommodations and shelves of thick books. The principal himself, Mr. Maynard, sat behind the large desk placed at the opposite end of the room. In front of the desk were two chairs, one of them was already occupied.

Mr. Maynard’s eyes were squinted at the teen in that chair when Ray had walked in. A boy, most likely a few years older than himself, with a shaven head and a haughty smirk, stared back at the man, a challenge placed in his eyes.

Upon his entry into the office, the principal broke his eye contact with the other boy to wave Ray into the room. “Ah, Mister Palmer. Please take a seat. This should only take a moment.”

Eyeing the boy in the next chair, Ray took his seat. The other teen glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, smirk widening slightly. His entire aura alluded to the fact that he was comfortable in this situation. This was the type of boy who was use to sitting in these chairs and he seemed to be mocking Ray’s lack of experience.

Mr. Maynard directed most of his speech to Ray as he began to speak, “I’m sure you are curious as to why you both are here.”

The other boy snorted. “Let me guess. It’s pretty boy’s first detention and I’m here to show him the ropes?” The cocky grin on his face betrayed the fact that he knew he was wrong and was in fact just being a smart-ass. However, the mention of detention worried Ray.

Frowning, the principal set him straight, “No, Mister Snart. Quite the opposite really. As I am sure you are aware, your grades have been a little… lackluster, shall we say, since rejoining us this year.” Snart’s smirk turned into a scowl quickly at the mention of grades and Mr. Maynard took his silence as agreement. “Mister Palmer on the other hand has skipped a few grades and yet remains at the top of his year.”

Connecting the dots between his words, Ray frowned. “You want me to tutor him?” He hadn’t meant to put negative emphasis on the last word, yet it was there, earning him a condescending side glance from the boy next to him.

Mr. Maynard nodded, either not hearing the slight disapproval or not caring enough to acknowledge it, “Sharp as ever I see.” He looked to Snart then, “It, as Mister Palmer has said, has been decided that he will be your tutor for the foreseeable future.”

Before Ray could even begin to protest, Snart snorted, “Yeah, I think I’m going to have to pass on that.”

Even though Ray had no desire to tutor someone who obviously could care less, he found himself to be offended by the other’s dismissal. The principal seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he frowned. “I don’t think you understand. This is not a request. You are to meet with Mister Palmer at least twice a week until you are caught up with your current curriculum. Is that clear?”

Snart stood, glaring at Mr. Maynard for a moment before rolling his shoulders and letting out a heavy sigh. “Fine. Until I catch up then.” He then made his way out of the office, not so much as looking back once.

For a moment after he left, both student and principal stared at the closed door. Ray was the first to turn back to focus his attention, and questions, on the elder. “So… Do I really have to tutor him?”

The principal sighed, meeting Ray’s eyes. “Unfortunately, yes. It is a term of his ability to stay at this school. But don’t worry.” Here he gave a soft, encouraging smile. “I chose you not only because you are our top student, but because I think you can get through to him.”

Ray had nothing to say to that, thoughts turning inward to wonder how he could see that from him. His attention was pulled back when Mr. Maynard next spoke, “Be that as it may, do not hesitate to come to me with any trouble he gives you. Alright?” His eyes reflected the seriousness of his tone and Ray could only nod.

“Will do, Mr. Maynard.” He was promptly dismissed from the office with a note to excuse his tarty and a head spinning with thoughts. This semester was looking to be a trying one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few fics in the works so I decided just to throw the first chapters out to see the response. Therefore, updates may come slowly. 
> 
> I am not sure how else to indicate flashbacks. I could do all italics but it seemed like too much to me. Let me know if this isn't working for you and I'll try to figure something else out.
> 
> Edit: Don't you hate when you realize after posting that your math was off by twenty years. Also I've decided on a way to do the flashbacks and implemented it in this chapter so just ignore that previous bit.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Raymond Palmer _ . Now that was a name Leonard had thought he would never have to encounter again, at least not in person. It would be easy to imagine his surprise when he came face to face with the embodiment of that name after being kidnapped by a time weirdo in an overcoat and dropped off on the roof of some obscure building. To be honest, running into the same tech-genius billionaire again should have been the least surprising event of all.

Except that Len had taken deliberate steps to make sure their paths would never cross again. That was part of his past that he had pushed down so far he had nearly forgotten it. It was easy when they were on opposite sides of the social world from each other. Who knew they would end up in the same hero versus villain dichotomy that plagued the country in this era.

Though, it was easy to see how Raymond had become a fighter of good. The man had human decency at the core of his being. It was one of the things that he had admired about the man when he was just a teenager. It was also one of the reasons Len had chosen to leave their past in the past where it belonged. 

Now he was presented with a problem. Their paths had once again crossed and while his mind was telling him to walk away, there was a part of him who wanted to stay. He was conflicted to say the least. 

“I can’t believe you’re thinking of hooking up with the Englishman.” Mick’s voice snapped Len out of his head. “We’re thieves. Crooks. Criminals. I have no desire to save the world. Especially a hundred years after I’m dead.”

He wasn’t wrong. Len also had no true desire to save the world. They’d be long dead by the time their city went up in flames. Yet Raymond was not the only reason he was considering the time whatever’s offer. “He said across time, Mick. What about the years before? Before finger prints and surveillance cameras and DNA analysis. Why did we become criminals?”

“Because we hate working and we love money.”

Len got up from his relaxed position on the couch, planning to emphasize his reasoning. Mick had to understand the bigger picture here. The one that would leave them rich across centuries. “We could steal the Mona Lisa straight off Da Vinci’s easel, snatched the Hope Diamond before it was discovered. This is everything we got into thieving for in the first place.” He paused as he turned away from Mick. “More than everything.” 

Mick took a second to respond, “You want me in, I’m in. But I’m not going to be anyone’s hero.” 

Len smirked, making eye contact with his partner. There would be no need for them to be anyone’s heroes. Honestly, no one would be expecting them to be. They’d go along for the ride, steal their weight in priceless artifacts, and then make their way back to 2016 to own the world. It was the perfect plan. 

Raymond wouldn’t be a factor. He could ignore the man just as easily as he had been from a distance. Len’s resolve was strong when he needed it to be, strengthened over the course of his life. He looked out for himself first and then his partner second, screw the rest of the world. All he had to do was remember this reasoning and he would be fine.

 

* * *

 

**_1990_ **

Leonard leaned back in the library chair, laying his feet on the table and hands behind his head. He was waiting for the nerd that the school had assigned to tutor him. It was ridiculous but the principal had said that it was only until he pulled up his grades. So that’s what he would do.

Leonard Snart was by far, not stupid. He just didn’t feel the need to apply himself to something mundane like school. He already knew enough math and science to break into banks and steal priceless gems. What motivation was there to solve for  _ x _ on a sheet of paper? None that truly interested him.

However, if he wanted to free up his lunch periods, he would need to solve for  _ x _ on every sheet of paper laid in front of him. How boring. Never let it be said that he never did what needed to be done, no matter the cost.

He watched through the glass entrance of the school library as the nerd assigned to him turned the corner. He looked like he was mumbling to himself, psyching himself up to tutoring a bad boy. Len smirked. This would be fun. As the boy entered the library, his eyes found Leonard’s and he made his way to the table.

“Must you disrespect school property everywhere you go?” The boy huffed as he set his books down and claimed a chair.

“Who said I’m disrespecting anything.” His tone was sharp, a glinting knife meant to intimidate the one on the receiving end.

This boy however was unaffected. “Your feet on the table. Now if you would be so kind to remove them, we can start and hopefully quickly get this over with.”

Intrigued, Leonard took his feet off the table, chair slamming back to the ground with a loud ‘clack’. “Seems like you’re trying to get rid of me already.” Leaning forward, he arranged his face into a sneer. “What’s a matter, boy scout? Not a fan of the principal’s orders here?”

Instead of backing down like he had predicted, the boy scoffed and stared straight into his sneering face. “We both know neither of us wants to be here. So the sooner we get your grades up, the sooner we can go back to not knowing the other existed.”

They held each other’s gaze for a moment before Leonard leaned back in his chair with a smirk. “Fine. I’ll admit you’re right. Now teach me, boy scout.” This boy was interesting to say the least. He had decided that this may be a more lucrative way to spend his free time. After all, it’s not like he had lunch to eat anyways.

“I’ll have you know that I am almost an eagle scout,” he stated matter-of-factly as he opened his mathematics textbook. “I am just about to complete the nuclear science badge.”

Len rolled his eyes. “Sure thing,  _ boy scout _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a kind of scheduled planned for updates... I'm going to shoot for every other Sunday so that my other fic gets updated on the opposite Sundays. That's the plan. However, I am notoriously bad at sticking to schedules so we'll see. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

To say that Ray was surprised that both Snart and Rory showed up at the meeting point the next day would be an understatement. However, it was not something that he was planning to let get to him. He could easily deal with the side remarks that the other man threw at him. After all, he had gotten use to that many years ago.

Rip Hunter lying to them about their mission, however, was something he was unprepared for. Having his thoughts about his significance in the world reassured was a blow he should have realized was coming. Oliver was always right when it came to trust it seems. 

Not only were they inconsequential to time, they were constant failures. They had screwed up the timeline on only their second time out. Savage now knew the entirety of the team’s abilities and his suit was single handedly responsible for the possible destruction of the future. This mission went from bad to worse so quickly. 

Then he had to go and sign himself up for stealing a knife, with Leonard Snart. It was monumentally stupid of him. He wasn’t a thief by any standards and being almost completely alone with Snart for the first time in twenty years was far from wise. It was only a matter of time before he screwed up and got them captured.

“Great. Now we’re both going to prison.”

Ray wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, glaring at the back of Snart’s head. “If you hadn’t tried to take more than what we came here for, we wouldn’t be in this cage.”

“No, Raymond,” He turned around to sneer at him as he walked to the side of the cage, leaning against the bars. “If you weren’t such a boy scout then we would already be heading back to the ship.”

Ray opened his mouth to reply when Mick came into the room. “What the hell happened?”

“It was this idiot’s fault.” Leonard spoke at the same time Ray pointed to him and said. “Your partner’s fault.”

“I told you we shouldn’t have brought him.” 

“Agreed but we’ve got bigger problems.” Leonard moved away from the side of the cage, ready to direct them on how to get out of this mess. “I need you to find the fuse box and,”

“Trigger a system default,” Mick interrupted, leaving Ray to believe they’d been in this exact situation once or twice. It was more reassuring than it should have been. However, then Mick pointed at Ray and in his gravelly voice declared, “This ain’t over,” which was a little menacing considering.

Ray watched as Mick walked back out of the room when Snart started knocking on the artifacts’ stands, drawing his attention. After finding one that sounded hollow Snart pulled down the side panel to reveal the mechanism hidden inside.

“How did you know how to do that?” Ray asked as Leonard crouched down to fiddle with the gears, wires, and switches inside.

He surprised Ray by responding genuinely, “When I was a kid, my dad brought me along on jobs because I had tiny hands. I could get into little spaces; do whatever he needed me to do, like rewiring a security system.”

Despite the criminal aspects of his explanation, Raymond was impressed. “In another life you could have been an electrical engineer.” He sat down next to Snart in order to more comfortably observe the man at work. He had always believed that. He knew Leonard was smart enough to do whatever he wanted. It was baffling how this would be the path the man took.

“Guess I dodged a bullet,” Snart’s reply was thrown out with little attention to it as he was focused on the task at hand. “You think I want to be like you?”

Ray looked at him skeptically, “You make being a tech billionaire sound like a bad thing.” 

“You spend all your time and money building a super suit and what do you do with it?” He looked away from his work to look at Ray. “Fly around like some incredible shrinking schmuck trying to save the world.” 

Raymond watched as he continued to poke around at the device. “And robbing banks for a living, I suppose that’s more important?”

“It’s sure as hell more satisfying.” 

“That is what makes you a criminal,” Ray responded matter-of-factly. 

“No, it makes me a survivor.” He looked once more at Ray. “And there’s going to come a day when you wished you were too.” There was such anger in this statement that Ray couldn’t help to think there was a more emotional reason to this thought process beyond justifying criminal acts.

Ray watched him analyze for a moment. Looking at him now, Ray could easily see the Leonard he knew from before. Strong and confident, yet there was a vulnerability to the expression on his face. He had shared more of himself and his emotions to Ray than he had since they met again on that rooftop. It was easy to be pulled back into that mind space of before, when they shared everything and felt more for each other than anyone they knew.

Needing a way to wave off his thoughts, and growing tired of watching Snart do all the work, Ray stepped in with a more efficient alternative. “Here,” Reaching his hand out for the screwdriver he relayed what he was doing. “You flip the solenoid, saves you the trouble of rewiring it.”

“I take it back, Raymond. You’re not completely useless after all.” 

It was high praise coming from him and Raymond let out a huff of breath. He remembered the way Leonard would push people away with insults and snarky remarks. It was his defence and Ray saw right through it. Despite all the years and the different paths they had taken, they were still the same people. It was this realization that lead to the other. The feelings Ray had felt back then, still remained. 

There was a loud click of the power resetting allowing for Raymond to quickly shake off the thoughts. He would deal with them later. They had to focus on getting this knife first. “Huh, looks like Rory found the fuse box.”

Mick’s voice was heard approaching the room, “We got a slight problem. The owner just came home. You’re not going to believe who it is.” And that was when Vandal Savage walked in, dragging Mick and holding a gun. 

* * *

**_1990_ **

They had been at this tutoring thing for a week now. Every weekday after finishing their lunch they would meet in the library. Ray would try to explain the subjects and formulas while Leonard lounged in his chair and made the process more difficult than it needed to be. It was exhausting and Ray had begun to wonder whether the other teen actually wanted to learn any of this. 

“So since the mass percent is the number of grams per 100 grams of solution you would multiply this number by,” Ray stopped his explanation suddenly at the slight stinging sensation on his face. Exasperated he turned to look at Leonard. “Really?”

Leonard smirked, shrugging his shoulders. He had taken a paper clip and bent it into a makeshift catapult. Beside the catapult was a pile of small paper balls. He picked up one of these and demonstrated how to use the catapult, hitting Raymond in the forehead.

“Very mature,” Ray scowled. “If you’re done being a child can we please get back to this chemistry worksheet. I’d like to not still be here when school ends.”

“Calm down. I’m just having a bit of fun.” He set aside his catapult for the moment and leaned in towards Ray. “You don’t have to get your panties in a twist.”

Ray huffed, “Listen. I personally wouldn’t care either way whether you flunk out of school and become a less than useful member of society. But Principal Maynard has assigned me to help you so that’s what I’m going to do, whether you like it or not.” 

Leonard stared at him for long enough to make him just the tiniest bit nervous about his retaliation. However, he smiled. “Fine. Have it your way.” He leaned back in the chair. “The answer is 0.5 g phenolphthalein in 99.5 g distilled or deionized water by the way.”

Having already determined that as the correct answer, Ray stared at him. This was the other problem he had been running into. Beyond his complete disinterest in learning the subjects, Leonard always ended up with the correct answers. Ray had begun to believe that he might not even need a tutor. What Leonard Snart needed was a motivator.

So that’s what Ray was going to be. He needed to figure out how to motivate what seemed to be the least inspired person he had ever met. Everyone had to have something that motivated them. Even Sydney, who was extremely lazy was easily moved to do things to win others’ approval. So there had to be something.

Ray needed to get to know Snart more. Sighing, he closed the book and put away the worksheet. “Look. Obviously we are getting nowhere. We should probably meet up after school.” A more relaxed setting would hopefully make a more cooperative classmate. 

However, Leonard blew that out of the water when he replied with a single, simple contraction, “Can’t.”

“Fine then, how about the weekend? We can meet up at your house or,”

“Nope.” Leonard had leaned back in his seat so that only the back two legs rested on the floor and was giving Ray a bored look.

Exasperated Ray shot back, “And why not? Surely you don’t have anything better to do?”

Scowling, he slowly lowered the chair to the ground. “You don’t know shit about me.”

“Exactly!” Ray froze, eyes widening when he realized what he had said. He quickly tried to smooth it over, “What I mean is… Well… I don’t think this is going to work unless we uh, get to know each other more? I mean why would you listen to a complete stranger ramble on about chemistry for hours? And if I get to know you then I could relate subjects to,”

Leonard held up a hand, interrupting Ray mid-ramble. “Listen, boy scout,” he ignored Ray’s protest of ‘eagle scout!’ and continued, “I actually have responsibilities to attend to when I’m not at school; yes, shocking, I know. So unless you want my kid sister hanging around with us, meeting up after school isn’t going to happen.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “As you mentioned, Raymond, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Ray cleared his throat before responding, “Yeah, I knew that. Well if you don’t mind, I don’t mind if your sister tags along. How old is she?”

Len was surprised, and slightly skeptical. “You don’t mind?”

“Nope,” He grinned, “I could just go over to your place on Saturday if you’re up for it.”

“No.” Ray opened his mouth to protest but Len continued, “We can’t meet at my place. My father will be home.”

Ray didn’t really see why that would be a problem, but he figured he had already pried into Leonard’s life enough for one day. “Then we can meet at mine. That is if you don’t mind.”

He took a minute to think it over before nodding. “That’s fine.” 

Ray grinned. “Alright. It’s settled.” He tore off a page from his notebook and scribbled on it before handing it to Leonard. “Here’s my address and our phone number. You know, in case you get lost.”

Leonard took the paper and shoved it into his bag as he packed up his stuff. Slinging the bag over his shoulder, he headed for the door without a word. Ray watched him go. He’s not sure what had made him invite Leonard Snart and his little sister over to his house. It was making him start questioning his judgement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a little late. I was at a con this weekend and spent twelve hours on the road last night. Then a bunch of stuff happened and well here we are. But a day late is better than never right?
> 
> Also I apparently need to learn to do my math before I begin writing. If I'm going to be screwing with ages and dates it is important to have all the facts before I start. It was a good lesson for me. So long story short, the year of the flash backs changed (again) and I've aged Ray in order to have him attend high school with Len. If you'd like the details of all of this just ask. Otherwise I'm just going to shut up and let you move on with life.
> 
> Feel free to send me any questions or comments on my [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I heard you tried to save your father from going to prison today.”
> 
> “And who told you that?” Leonard asked, lowering the paper to glare at him.
> 
> Ray shrugged. “It’s not that big of a spaceship. People talk.”
> 
> “Well remind me to reprimand such people later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the added tags! Even though it may not be in depth now, it will be later. Be safe readers.

The first thing Leonard did upon entering his room after Carter’s funeral was destroy it. His calm disposition slipped and he tossed his jacket across the room. When that wasn’t satisfying enough, he knocked everything from his desk onto the floor. Papers scattered across the room and the more solid objects collided with loud bangs and thumps. He just barely held in the angry yell that wanted to come out. 

Because he was angry. Though anger wasn’t quite the right word for it. He was disappointed, angry, and if he dared to admit it, depressed all at once. He hadn’t felt this way for a while. He was out of practice in dealing with these emotions. He had no need to since he killed the reason for them. 

If he was truly honest with himself, he wasn’t just disappointed in his father for being caught. He should have known better than to get his hopes up. His father was never a particularly good thief. He would have gotten himself caught one way or another. Like Rip had said, time wants to happen. Though he still believes that this was more a character trait than time working against him.

After killing Lewis Snart, Len thought he was done with the man. He thought he could put his father out of his mind, lock up the nagging words in his father’s voice, and finally get some much needed peace of mind. Then he came face-to-face with the man and immediately became that scared little boy he had just warned his younger self not to be. It was infuriating. 

Having gotten the worst of his anger out, he collapsed onto the bed to glare up at the ceiling. For a moment, he relived the feeling of being in his childhood home again. It was unsettling, having been just as he remembered right down to the beer bottles littering every surface.  

His glaring turned to the door when his thoughts were interrupted by a knock. Choosing not to respond he waited as another knock came.

“I know you’re in there.” That was a voice he knew well and one that was not particularly welcomed at the moment. “Come on, Snart. I heard a crash. Well multiple crashes actually, or like a lot of crashes at once. Though I suppose some of them sounded more like a thud.”

Leonard groaned. He only got up so that the man at his door would shut up. As soon as the door slid open he leaned against the doorway. “What do you want, Raymond?”

Ray gaped at him, his surprise evident on his face. “I, uh,” he stuttered before clearing his throat. “Um, are you alright?” 

“Just dandy.” He threw in a quick smile with the words.

“I heard a,” Ray paused as he peeked around Snart and into the room. “Ah, I guess that would be the noise I heard.”

Peeking over his shoulder at the mess, Leonard hummed in agreement. “Yes I would suppose it is.”

Ray turns his gaze back to Leonard. “What happened?”

He shrugged, “I tripped.”

Giving him a skeptical look, Ray voiced his doubts, “Tripping caused all that mess.”

“What can I say, I’m very accident prone.” He pushed off the door and backed away, ready to have it shut in the other man’s face.

“That may have worked once a long time ago but I know better now.” Ray looked determined. It seemed that this wasn’t an issue he was willing to drop. They had both avoided alluding to their shared past until this moment. To have brought it up in order to call the other out on his bullshit meant that Ray was serious.

Leonard paused his retreat. “You’re not about to let this go, are you?”

“Not really.” Ray gave him a small smile.

Sighing, he backed fully away from the door, crossing his arms. “Well you might as well come in then.”

Ray contemplated a moment before entering. Leonard couldn’t blame him. There was history between them that, even as ancient as it was, lingered in the air. It was always there, growing more evident over the course of their mission. Hell, earlier Raymond had finished his sentence, just as he used to. This was dangerous territory. It would be stranger for Raymond to not be hesitant. 

The door closed behind him as he walked into the room slowly. Pointing at the clutter on the floor he asked, “Do you uh, want help picking that up?”

Leonard shrugged. “I suppose you can help if you wish.”

They both set to picking up the mess in silence. They worked this way until most of the papers had been gathered and the books and pens were placed back on top of the desk. Unsurprisingly, Ray was the first to interrupt the silence. “So,” he drew out the word, almost hesitant to finish the thought. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Having hoped to avoid the questioning for as long as possible, Leonard shrugged. “I saw a spider.”

“You and I both know that is a complete lie.” Ray set the last book on the desk and looked to Leonard. “What made you so angry you had to take it out on innocent inanimate objects?”

He rolled his eyes but remained silent, choosing to fake interest in the paper he had just picked up off the floor. 

Ray, realizing it was going to take more prodding to get the other man to speak, decided to show a bit of his hand. “I heard you tried to save your father from going to prison today.”

“And who told you that?” Leonard asked, lowering the paper to glare at him.

He shrugged. “It’s not that big of a spaceship. People talk.”

“Well remind me to reprimand such people later,” he mumbled, giving up on pretending to read the paper and placing it on the desk.

The room, now having been restored to its pre-tantrum glory, no longer held any distraction from the conversation at hand. Leonard was forced to listen and respond to Ray’s unwarranted support.

“Don’t take it out on them,” Ray sighed. “You know we’re all here to support each other, right? You don’t have to go off on your own all the time.”

Leonard huffed out a breath of air, part laugh and part scoff. “Next time I will be sure to huddle up with the rest of the team so we can sing kumbaya in a circle and talk about my shitty past.”

Ray gave him a look bordering on disappointment and annoyance. “Don’t be condescending.”

“And what exactly should I do, Raymond?” He was tired. This had been a long, rollercoaster like day and Len didn’t care to draw out this conversation any longer. “Do you want to hear all about how I failed to keep my father from going to jail? How he still managed to get himself arrested and spends the next five years in jail, only to come home and put his wife and kids through hell? You already know this story.”

Now Leonard had been the one that alluded to their past history, taking them both a little by surprise. Sure, Ray had mentioned it to force them into this conversation, but now both had inadvertently admitted to it. It opened a dam of repressed emotions and feelings that flooded the room in a tense silence.

Ray cleared his throat, cutting through the thick silence to speak, “We should uh, we should probably talk about,”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Leonard interrupted. 

“There’s plenty to talk about.” Ray crossed his arms. “You left and didn’t tell me anything. The least you can do is give me a long overdue explanation.” When it seemed like the other man wasn’t going to respond he continued, “You know I spent weeks waiting to hear something.” His voice had been softened and sounded almost wounded.

“Raymond,” Leonard sighed. “Can’t you just let this go? It was decades ago.”

“I was hung up on you for years, Len. I never got any closure. So, no. I can’t just let it go.” His response was fueled by anger and decades of sorrow. 

Leonard crossed his arms. “Then you should probably leave.”

Ray scoffed. “Really. You’re just going to brush me off and pretend it never happened?”

“Look, Raymond,” He said pointedly, “Despite what you may think, it wasn’t a good time for me either. I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t have to just because you want me to.” He held up a hand when he saw the other man start to protest. “I need time, Raymond. This is the first we’ve seen each other since. I need to get used to being around you again. I need to trust you again before I just delve into my life story.”

Ray stared at him for a moment, mouth agape, before closing it and nodding. “I think I can respect that. Not that I like it, but,” He took a deep breath, “I can respect it.”

“Good. Now get out.” Len turned his back on the other, making his way over to the bed. “It’s late and I’m sure our time lord leader will want us awake and ready to take over the eighties by whatever is considered morning here.”

Ray snorted. “Right. Well then, good night.”

He surprisingly left the room then without another word. Leaving Len to lay on his bed and replay the entirety of their conversation over and over. He partially cursed himself for giving into Raymond, even if it was only by the tiniest margin. However, a part of him was glad to put aside the tension that came with ignoring the past. He fell asleep to the belief that just because he acknowledged Raymond, didn’t mean anything had changed. 

xXx

**_1990_ **

Leonard stood in front of what looked like a mansion in comparison to his own home. It was twice the size of the old house he lived in and was clearly more looked after. The lawn was well kept and there was an impressive looking flower garden circling the home. It looked warm and loving. Everything his house didn’t. It made his black eye throb even more at the thought.

“Is this your friend’s house, Lenny?” 

He turned from the house to gaze down at his little sister whom was looking at him with open curiosity. He shook his head.  “Raymond is not my friend,” he stated in a matter of fact tone as he tugged on her hand to lead the way up to the front door.

Lisa frowned, clearly not understanding. “But we’re going over to his house on a weekend. That’s what friends do. Isn’t it?”

Len sighed as he reached the door. “Well it is but this isn’t like that. We’re doing school work.”

“Friends do that too,” she whispered loud enough for him to hear.

He decided to ignore his sister in favor of ringing the doorbell. Along with the chime that could be heard through the door, they could hear loud, excited barking. When the door opened, two golden retrievers quickly exited the house causing Lisa to squeal excitedly. 

Len looked up from watching her excitedly pet the dogs to greet Raymond with a snarky comment but the other boy spoke first. 

“Who are you?” Now that he was clued in he easily noticed the differences between the Raymond in front of him and the one he had been stuck in the library with for weeks. The dress shirts that he usually wore were replaced by a football jersey and his jeans had holes in the knees that Len had never seen before. The most noticeable difference however was the way in with this Raymond held himself. You could practically feel the ego radiating off him in waves.

Apparently having taken too long to answer, not-Raymond spoke instead. “You must be the dude Ray mentioned.” The boy then pulled back from the door to yell into the house, “Hey, nerd! Door!” 

Rapid footsteps could be heard along with a faint and distant, “Coming!” Not-Raymond then turned from the door without a word and walked away. Soon after, Raymond came to the door, slightly out of breath. “You made it!” He paused when he took in the large bruise on the other’s face. “What happened to your eye?”

Len shrugged. “You should have seen the other guy.” He then, unwilling to provide any more information, pointedly deflected the conversation, “I didn’t realize you had a clone.”

Ray scrunched his face in a way that said he wasn’t quite done with questioning it but he relaxed after a moment, most likely deciding that it wasn’t worth getting into at the moment. He chuckled. “Ah, yeah. That was Sidney. I probably should have warned you about him.”

“You think?” He smiled in amusement.

Lisa looked up from getting her faced licked and greeted Ray with a grin. “Hello! I’m Lisa. Are you Raymond?”

Ray grinned down at her. “Hello, Lisa. I am but you can call me Ray.”

“I like your dogs, Ray.” She giggled as one of them licked her face again.

“Oh, sorry,” He laughed sheepishly as he apologized. “I thought they were out back. I didn’t mean to let you get bombarded with slobber the moment you walked in the door.” 

Len shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. She doesn’t mind. Besides it’s not like we’ve walked in yet anyways.”

Ray jumped into action, pulling back from the door and waving them in. “My bad. Come on in.” Len stepped in first, followed by his sister and the two golden retrievers. “I’ll just take them out back so they’re not in our way and then we can get to work.”

“Aw,” Lisa pouted as she followed her brother’s actions to take off her shoes.

“You can go outside and play with them if you want,” Ray said, quickly adding, “That is if it’s okay with your big brother.”

Len rolled his eyes at the smirk Ray sent him. He knew the boy scout was enjoying this side of him; one that contradicted with the bad boy image everyone had painted him with. “Go ahead, Lis.” She let out a cheer as she quickly put back on the shoe she had off and followed Ray into the house. 

Leonard remained in the entranceway to finish taking off his shoes. While waiting for Ray to come back he took in what he could see of the home. It was typical of more upper class homes. The entrance held a stand with some fancy looking bowl to hold keys as well as an ornate vase holding flowers he didn’t know the names to. The entrance opened into the living room which had a large TV and two couches. The walls held a few decorative pieces along with many frames holding pictures of the family. 

By the time Raymond came back from letting the dogs, and coincidently his sister, out Leonard had come to a conclusion about the place. It was your typical middle class household, Inviting and lovely. This only served to make him feel more out of place than he did walking up to its door. He subconsciously touched his black eye.

Ray announced his presence by asking, “Are you ready to finally get some chemistry done?” Leonard quickly pulled his hand away from his eye and nodded. “Alright. I was thinking we can work in the sun room so you can see your sister outside.” 

He proceeded to lead the way through the house and into a small room with walls made out of windows. It held a few patio couches and chairs along with a table and chairs. They sat at the table and Leonard removed the book bag from his shoulder, removing the chemistry book from inside. Before opening it he looked for his sister. He smiled fondly once he found her. She was tossing a ball and giggling as the two golden retrievers ran after it. 

“You know, I never took you as the doting older brother type, Leonard.”

He turned to see the large grin on the other’s face. He scowled, not particularly in the mood to be teased. “Watch it.”

Ray held up both hands. “I don’t mean anything by it. I think it’s a great thing, actually.”

Len looked down at his book, unable to take the look that Raymond was giving him; it was like a mixture of happy and surprised, almost fond. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Ray didn’t comment on the quick change in subject. Instead he started the lesson and they worked at it for a while until they were interrupted by Lisa opening the sliding door. “Lenny, I’m thirsty.”

“Well don’t look at me,” he replied without looking up from the problem he was working on. “Ask our gracious host.”

Ray rolled his eyes and stood up from the table. “I guess I’ll get us all drinks. Anything specific?” 

“Something cold?” Len asked with a smirk.

“Helpful,” Ray deadpanned. “And for you, Miss Lisa?”

Lisa laughed. “You’re funny. I just want water.”

“Alright. Three ice-cold waters, coming up!” He made a show of lifting one finger and twirling before leaving the room, sending Lisa into a fit of giggles.

When she regained her breath she spoke to her brother, “I like your friend, Lenny. He’s funny.”

Len rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile on his face. “He’s not my friend, Lis.”

She crossed her arms, teasing grin on her face. “Then what is he.”

“He’s just my tutor.” He shrugged. “Nothing more.”

The knowing grin on Lisa’s face was something that should never appear on a nine year old girl. “Sure, Lenny. Whatever makes you feel more secure.”

Len shot her a look but before he could comment Ray walked back into the room with three glasses of water. He handed one to each of them before pulling out a chair for Lisa. “For you, milady.” 

Lisa giggled as she sat down in the chair. As much as Len had dreaded coming here, and as much as he was going to hate all the teasing Lisa no doubt had in store for him, this was one good thing that had come of it. It has been a while since he had seen his sister so happy. She deserved to be able to laugh freely like this.

Leonard chose to focus on the chemistry problem before him while Ray entertained his sister. This soon proved to be a poor judgment call as after a few changes in topic Lisa asked, “So are you and my brother friends?” 

Len’s head snapped up in time to catch his sister’s mischievous grin before it turned into something softer and more innocent. He scowled, saying a firm ‘no’ at the same time Ray said, “I would like to think so.” 

Unfortunately for Len, his ‘no’ was drowned out in the sentence Ray had answered with. Lisa grinned. “Yay! Lenny has a friend. Finally!”

Len glared at her. “What do you mean finally. I have friends.”

“Mick doesn’t count ‘cause you can’t go to his house on the weekends like we are with Ray.” Lisa stated in a way that left no room for argument.

“Who’s Mick?” Ray asked.

The siblings chose to ignore him. Instead Lisa continued her questioning. “So since you guys are friends that means we can come over every weekend, right?”

“Lisa,” Len’s tone held an unsaid warning.

“Um,” Ray looked between the two. “I mean I don’t mind but really that’s up to your brother.”

“What about sleepovers?” Lisa asked.

Len made a strangled noise in his throat. “Lisa!”

Lisa grinned. “What, Lenny? Don’t you want to have a sleepover with Ray?”

Len could feel his face heating up. “That’s not. You can’t just,” his words broke off as he struggled for what to say. Lisa was still grinning, directing her amusement at her brother. In this moment, he hated his sister just the tiniest bit. Or at least disliked her.

Ray, seeming to sense something between the two decided to save Len and change the subject. “Uh, so Leonard. Did you finish that problem?”

“I think so.” Len handed the paper he had over to him, grateful for the change in topic. 

Looking it over, Ray nodded as he read. “Yep. Looks like you got it.”

He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face at the praise. “Good. Now we can finally move on.” That question was the last in the chemistry packet due on Monday. This meaning he was finally done with chemistry and more than ready to move on to something else.

“Mhmm,” Ray pulled out a book from the pile of texts in front of him. “Math time.” He grinned.

Leonard groaned. “Can’t we do English or literally anything else?” 

“Nope. Math is your next worse subject so that’s what we’re doing.” Ray shared a grin with Lisa, both taking pleasure from the thought of the torture Len was going to endure. Leonard hated math, which if he was being honest he wasn’t terrible at the subject. It was time consuming and he didn’t like to waste any of it on moving numbers and letters around. 

While he worked through the math sheet given out as homework, Ray and Lisa continued to bond, mostly over their love of animals. Thankfully the topic managed to stay in safe territory; either Lisa decided she had tortured her brother enough for the moment, which was unlikely, or Ray had caught on to her plot to embarrass him. 

By the time Len had finished the sheet, Lisa and Ray had become the best of friends. It was slightly unnerving to watch them quote lines from  _ ThunderCats _ back and forth. However, it was also kind of cute. Not that he would admit it out loud. He was content to watch them until he noticed the time. “Lis, we got to get going.” 

A pout came to Lisa’s face almost immediately. “But Lenny.”

“You guys can stay for dinner if you’d like,” Ray said. “My parents won’t mind.”

Leonard started packing up his books despite the invitation. “Dad’s going to be wondering where we are.”

Lisa paled. When she spoke, her voice was quieter than it had been all day, “Oh. I forgot.”

Ray frowned. “Okay then. I guess you have to go so we’ll pick this up on Monday?”

“Yeah. Monday.” Leonard slung his bag over his shoulder and waited for Ray to lead the way back to the entrance. 

“If you want,” Ray started hesitantly, “We can do this every Saturday?” 

Leonard took the time to put on his shoes to think. Beside him he could practically feel the excitement radiating off his sister at the question. “I don’t see why not.” He said, standing back up. “As long as you don’t get tired of this monkey here.” He grinned, nudging his sister’s shoulders.

“Jerk,” She giggled and pushed him back.

Ray smiled at them. “I don’t think I can ever get tired of her. She’s too sweet.”

Lisa’s smile was blinding and Len couldn’t help but echo it. “Give it a few weeks, then we’ll see how you feel.” He turned to lead the way out the door.

Ray leaned against the doorway as they left to watch them go. “Bye, Lisa. I’ll see you Monday, Snart.”

“Bye Bye, Ray!” Lisa grinned, waving rapidly with both hands as she walked backwards.

Len raised a hand without turning back. “Later, boy scout.”

As they walked home, Len couldn’t help the smile on his face. Today had been good, despite all the worries he held beforehand. Ray and his sister had gotten along well and it was nice to see her relax. He would even dare to say that it made it easy for him to relax as well. It was this realization that made him see that his sister was right. Ray was, in fact, his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter owes a big thanks to my beta [mimishipsit.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mimishipsit/pseuds/mimishipsit/) She deals with my whining and midnight ramblings and this time was a big help in the direction. So thanks, friend.
> 
> Questions? Shoot me an ask on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He supposed he had another thing to add to the list of the unexpected today, seeing the man he liked kissing another.

Following Snart and Valentina around Moscow was not the way Ray had wanted this night to go. However, he hadn’t expected Valentina to be so put off by him and was unable to prevent his slip up that completely gave him away. It definitely wasn’t one of his finer moments. Since then he had been forced to hide behind buildings, trees, and now a statue as he followed the other two through the city. It was humiliating, and cold since he hadn’t thought to bring a coat like Snart. 

He peaked out from behind the statue just in time to see Valentina lean in for a kiss. He immediately brought his head back, hiding the view with the statue. He supposed he had another thing to add to the list of the unexpected today, seeing the man he liked kissing another. There was a familiar clenching in his chest and he rubbed it in a soothing attempt. Too busy trying to reign in his emotions, he didn’t notice when Valentina left.

“You enjoy the show, Raymond?” The smirk on Leonard’s face as he called out to him was present in his tone. Ray didn’t need to step out from behind the statue to see it. It made his stomach churn at the thought of what put it there.

“I think I got frostbite in some not so fun places from waiting out here.” He walked up to Leonard, pulling his arms close to his body for warmth. He decided to ignore all the feelings. He’d sort them out later. Not that he really needed to. He already knew what they meant. “Did she tell you what kind of weapon Savage is building?”

“Didn’t come up.” Leonard turned to face him, smirk still evident on his face. “Such a romantic evening, I didn’t want to spoil the mood.”

Ray scoffed, “So, other than a steamy good night kiss and possible case of hypothermia, we got nothing.” Now he also had to deal with the fact that Snart was having so much fun, he had forgotten about the mission. That was just great.

“I wouldn’t say that,” he reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a card, showing it to Ray. “It’s Valentina’s security badge for a place called Luskavic Labs.” Ray took the badge and gaped at it in shock while Leonard continued, “Whatever weapon she’s building for Savage, we’ll find it there. 

While this showed Leonard hadn’t completely forgotten the mission, and it did make him feel a little better, it was still a crime and something he really shouldn’t approve of. No matter how handy. “I guess I should just be happy you didn’t swipe her wallet.”

The other man smirked, quickly pulling a red wallet out of the same pocket. Ray tilted his head, his expression saying, ‘really’. Leonard shrugged, turning the wallet to look at it. “I’m not really one to waste an opportunity.”

“Uh, because it’s illegal?” Ray watched as the other man opened the wallet to look at the contents within. It was such a replica of that morning in the pentagon, he decided it would be pointless to argue against it now. “Let’s just get out of here before she realizes that it’s missing.”

“Good idea.” Leonard stuffed the wallet back into his pocket. Once his hands were free, he used one to direct attention to the path in front of them. “After you.”

“Gladly.” As he started to walk, Ray crossed his arms, putting his hands in his armpits to warm them up. “How fast do you think Gideon can replicate some hot coco?”

Leonard snorted. “It depends. With or without marshmallows?”

Ray grinned, turning his head to look directly at Leonard. With a hint of sarcasm, he replied, “With the mini ones of course.”

Snart laughed. “A man after my own heart, Raymond.”

He laughed with him, hoping to hide the fact that his heart skipped. “What, you don’t think I would remember the way you take your coco? It was practically a demand.” 

As it turned out, forcing Leonard to talk the night before was the best decision Ray had ever made when it came to them. The air between them was easier to breathe and the conversation flowed more naturally. They had even been able to stay together all day without a major argument. Actually, if Ray didn’t know any better, he would say that Leonard was actually flirting with him at some moments. It was nice. Bad for his heart maybe, but still nice.

“It’s the only way to properly drink it. Don’t be such a barbarian, Raymond.” 

Ray laughed again but before he could respond he shivered. “Damn. Why didn’t Rip park on this side of the city. I mean, he knows where Valentina lives. The logical choice would be to move the Waverider over here.”

“I don’t think he actually expected you to take her home and he wasn’t wrong,” Leonard smirked. “It’s not his fault you’ve got no game.”

He shook his head, grinning. “I can’t believe you just said that unironically.”

“A lapse in judgment.” Snart shrugged. “It’s been happening a lot lately.”

“Couldn’t imagine why.” Ray shivered again, a bit more violently before. 

This time it drew Leonard’s attention. “Here,” he sighed and shrugged off his coat, holding it out for Ray to take.

Ray thought about refusing, but his teeth had started to chatter and he figured if he had to wait until they got to the Waverider for warmth he really would get frostbite. “Thank you.” He quickly grabbed the coat and put it on. Wrapping up in it as much as possible, he shot Leonard a grateful smile.

Leonard looked away and if Ray wasn’t mistaken, he could have sworn his cheeks got just the slightest bit redder. “Don’t mention it.”

They walked in silence through the bustle of the city center, letting Ray warming up beneath the other’s coat. He kept darting glances to the side to check and see if Leonard was showing any sign of the cold. True to his alias, there were no signs to be found. He spoke his thoughts once they had gotten to the other side of the city,  “I don’t understand how you aren’t freezing right now. Your commitment to your alter ego is amazing if not crazy.”

Leonard chuckled. “It’s like I told Valentina, Raymond. I love the cold.”

Ray’s mood turned slightly lower at the reminder. However he was determined to not let it get to him. “I refuse to believe you have always been like this.”

“I guess being around the cold gun helped a bit,” he shrugged. “But the cold has always bothered me less than some.”

He supposed this was true. Now that he thought about it, he could remember a certain incident involving snowballs that backed up the claim. He smiled at the memory. “I can accept that, I think.”

“So you remembered the snowball fight.” Leonard smirked.

Ray rolled his eyes at the smug look on his face. “I did. Though I distinctly remember you only won by cheating.”

Leonard tilted his head, squinting his eyes and making a thoughtful humming sound. “I wouldn’t exactly call it cheating.”

“And what would you call using your sweet little sister as a distraction before ambushing me?”

“Strategy.” Leonard supplied quickly and with a grin.

Ray snorted, “Yeah, well it was unfair.”

“All’s fair in love and war,” Leonard drawled in a low voice. Ray stopped walking for a moment, almost tripping over his feet. “What’s a matter, Raymond?” Leonard looked back over his shoulder with a smirk evident on his face. “Forget how to walk?”

“No,” Ray answered, perhaps a bit too quickly. He cleared his throat as he caught up to Leonard. “I was just,” he paused to think, “mildly surprised.” Leonard hummed in a way that said he wasn’t quite believing him and the smirk on his face said he knew exactly why the other had tripped. Ray, rather than address the previous statement, decided to completely change the subject. “So, how’s Lisa doing anyway? Still adorable?”

“She would like to think so,” Len chuckled. “She’s been doing well.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He grinned. It was nice to be able to openly talk about the past, even without the jokes. He had missed the spunky little girl. “What’s she doing? Job wise, I mean. I’m sure you don’t know what she’s doing right now because well, you’re here. But,”

Leonard’s laugh cut off his rambling. “If you would like to know, she’s a part of the family business.” 

“Oh,” Ray frowned. When he thought about the future for Lisa the first thing he would think wouldn’t be a life of crime. 

“Oh don’t sound so disappointed, Raymond,” Leonard drawled. “What can you really expect from two poor kids raised by a criminal father?”

“You mean what did I expect from a sweet little girl and her genius older brother?” He shot a look over to Leonard. “I don’t know, but it was more than that.” 

Leonard stared at him for a moment with an unreadable look on his face before closing his eyes and looking away. “We don’t all get the cushy opportunities that you did. We had to work with what we were able to and this was it.”

He knew Leonard’s past wasn’t as clean as his own and that he was at a disadvantage in many other areas, but the man was smart even as a teen. If he had put his mind to it and stayed out of trouble, Ray had no doubt he could have had so much more in life.“You could have done anything. You were smart enough for a scholarship. You could have gone anywhere.”

Len’s response was frigid, “You don’t have any idea what I had to deal with, Raymond, as much as you would like to think you did. There were multiple factors. For instance what about Lisa? Should I have just left her behind?” 

Ray wasn’t quite sure how to respond. When put that way it was easy to see how he was in the wrong, even if he still believed that there was another path the man could have taken. “Okay, I can get that.”

“But?” Leonard asked, having either heard it in his voice or just known Ray enough to know it was there.

“I don’t know.” Ray shrugged. “I just always felt you could be doing something more.”

“Well it doesn’t always work out that way.” Leonard paused before shifting the mood to something lighter, “Besides, I would probably get bored working in a lab for some rich bozo with too much money and a hero complex. I’d rather rob them and save myself the trouble.”

Ray decided to go with the mood change. He rather liked the light hearted atmosphere they had before. It was comfortable and he clung to it. “Is that suppose to be a reference to me?” 

“Why, can you see yourself in it?” Leonard smirked.

“No. Not at all.” Ray grinned back. “You would never be able to rob me.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge, Raymond?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black leather wallet. “Because I have been there  _ and _ done that.”

Ray gaped at him in surprise before quickly patting himself down, both on top of and beneath the coat Leonard lent him. “How did you?  _ When _ did you?”

Leonard grinned, flipping the wallet open. “Beautiful ID photo by the way. I’m loving the surprised look.”

“The lady didn’t tell me she was ready and,” Ray made a swipe for his wallet, missing as Leonard drew his hand back. “Would you just,” He made another attempt at grabbing the wallet, failing again. “Just give it back,” he huffed. “Please?”

“Well since you asked so nicely.” He held the wallet out for Ray to grab.

Snatching his wallet back, Ray quickly put it in his pocket. “Seriously though, when did you take it?”

“Back at the ballet.” When Ray gave him a bewildered expression he shrugged. “I got bored. It took forever to find Vostok.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice it was missing,” Ray stated as they arrived at the Waverider. He had always thought that people who were victims of pickpocketing were either unaware of their surroundings or just dumb. He refused to believe he was either of those things and therefore decided that his assumption was wrong.

“What can I say. I’m good at what I do.” He smirked.

“Apparently,” Ray agreed, following the other man into the cargo bay. They made their way through the ship to get to the bridge. However, once they got there, they found it empty. “Huh, looks like Rip must have stepped out.”

“You didn’t get that from the lack of a british voice in our ears?” Leonard asked. “He’s been gone since we spotted Vostok at the ballet.”

“Wait, really?” He looked to Leonard who confirmed with a look that seemed to call him out on his obliviousness. “Huh.” Ray turned and began releasing his neck from the confines of his shirt and tie. 

It wasn’t until after Rip came back with an injured Jax and a guilt ridden Stein that Ray remembered he still had Snart’s coat. By then Leonard had already left with Mick and Ray figured the other man wouldn’t be needing it anyways.

* * *

**_1990_ **

Ray wasn’t worried. Sure it had been a week since their weekend hang out and sure Snart hadn’t shown up at school since, but he wasn’t worried. He was only pacing back and forth in the foyer because he was bored. It was not because he was unsure if the Snart siblings would actually be coming over today and it definitely not because he was worried he somehow overstepped his bounds last week. 

He had thought they made a lot of progress last week. While he wouldn’t quite call Snart a friend, he believed they were well on their way. Now he wasn’t sure. He had assumed that Snart might at least come to class and tell him off or something. Hearing nothing was something he couldn’t deal with.

It was well into the morning before the doorbell rang. Yelling out, “I’ll get it!” so that Sidney wouldn’t answer it like last time, he quickly ran for the door. In opening it, he found what he was hoping for, but not exactly in the way he had hoped. 

Leonard Snart stood a bit away from the door, holding tightly to Lisa’s hand. He had his arm in a sling and a large bruise on the side of his face while Lisa had a bruise around her wrist. They both looked exhausted but Lisa smiled at him anyways. “Hi, Ray.” 

“H-hey, Lisa,” He stuttered and then looked to her brother. “What happened?”

Leonard’s face was guarded. “Can we come in?”

“Oh, yeah,” He quickly stepped out of the way, letting the two of them in before closing the door. Once they were both inside Ray began his questioning. “What happened to you two? Where’d all those bruises come from? Why is your arm in a sling? Did someone,”

“Raymond,” Leonard didn’t let him finish his questioning. “Shut up.” His tone was stern, causing Ray to immediately snap his mouth shut. Ray quietly watched as the siblings bent down to take their shoes off, Leonard struggling a bit having to only use one hand. It was hard to not say anything. He was worried which would only escalate if he didn’t get any answers.  

As soon as the two of them finished, he opened up his mouth to ask all his questions but was stopped by Leonard again. “Can we just, do some chemistry or something?” 

He was shocked into silence for a moment. Leonard was never a fan of studying and the fact that he would rather do that than answer his questions was suspicious.  “Uh, sure,” Ray replied. He started leading them back to the sun room. “The dogs are outside if you want to play with them, Lisa.” 

Lisa shook her head, clinging tightly to her brother’s side. “No thank you. I wanna stay with you and Lenny.”

This was another red flag popping up in Ray’s mind. While he has only a day’s experience to go off of, he knew Lisa loved animals. To see her holding on to her brother like that and refusing to leave him, made Ray worry just that more. He could only wonder what had happened to them. 

Leonard was the first to sit down, choosing one of the couches instead of the chairs at the table so that his sister could lean up against him. He set his bag in front of him and began pulling out his chemistry book. “So I got the homework for this week but I wasn’t in class. So I’m going to need a run through of the lessons.” The way he was talking was almost robotic. It was completely different from last weekend. 

Ray refused to give up. “Leonard. What happened?”

Lisa looked up at her brother as he responded, clenching his jaw. “Nothing.”

“It was obviously something. You were gone for a week. Does it have anything to do with your arm?” Ray asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, it’s not important.” He was still talking through clenched teeth, making his words sound hostile. Beside him Lisa squirmed in her seat.

Ray crossed his arms, using his standing position to give him an air of authority. “I don’t believe that for a second. You both show up here after a whole week, you’re both bruised, and you have your arm in a sling. You can’t tell me this isn’t concerning.” Leonard remained silent, staring down at the book in front of him. “Did someone do this to you guys? Was it your parents?”

At the way both of them tensed up, Ray knew he was right. His stomach sank. This was all of a sudden more of a delicate conversation than before. When neither sibling spoke up, Ray continued, “It was wasn’t it.”

“Raymond,” Leonard’s tone held a warning that Ray chose to ignore.

“Was it your father?”

He knew he was right when Leonard slammed his book closed, standing up and taking away any semblance of authority that Ray had. The other boy was taller than him and so now was looking down on Ray. “Drop it, Raymond. I mean it.”

Despite the five inch difference in height, Ray stood up straighter and tried to portray himself as intimidating. “No. You guys need to tell somebody. If your father is,”

“He isn’t doing anything. Now drop it.” His tone was sharp.

Ignoring the interruption, Ray continued, “If your father is abusing you two, you have to tell someone.”

“And then what?” Leonard wouldn’t back down. “Lisa would be taken away, put into the system. I won’t let that happen.”

“What about you mother?” Ray asked, curious as to why they would think their mother wouldn’t take them in.

“Hell if I know,” He snarled, “I haven’t seen her since I was ten.”

Ray was stunned into silence. However, he recovered in order to ask, “What about other relatives?”

“None that are able to take care of a nine year old.” Leonard said pointedly and glared at Ray. “Besides, nothing happened. Remember?”

Ray frowned. He didn’t like that Leonard was refusing to talk to him. Logically he knew that they barely knew each other and that it would take a lot more than a few tutoring sessions to gain the trust that would be needed for this conversation. He still couldn’t let it go. “Quit saying that. There has to be something that we can do.”

“There isn’t. I’ve tried.” He looked to Lisa then as she tugged on his shirt. Her eyes were wide, almost fearful. Ray watched as those eyes caused the fight go out of Leonard. He sat down with a sigh, “Look, Raymond. I know your big bleeding heart is telling you that you have to do something but you don’t. I’ve been taking care of us for years now. I can handle it.” There was clear determination in his tone that Ray couldn’t ignore.

Ray deflated as well, moving to sit in the chair beside the pair. Leonard seemed insistent and while he didn’t agree, he knew that he had to respect his wishes. “It isn’t fair.”

Leonard smirked. “You know they say that life isn’t fair. I like to think that that’s a bit of an understatement.” 

“I don’t see how you can do that,” he said, head tilted as he studied the other boy.

Leonard gave him a curious look. “Do what.”

“Not get completely overwhelmed.” Ray frowned. This impossible situation was one he was sure he wouldn’t be able to deal with. He was completely sure that he would have broken ages ago. It was a slight relief in the wake of such a discovery. “You’re much stronger than I am.”

Finally, it was Leonard’s turn to be shocked into silence. He stared at Ray with an unreadable expression on his face. Throughout the few moments after Ray’s statement, Lisa looked back and forth between the two of them until she found the courage to ask, “Are you done fighting now?” Her voice was quiet and hesitant. 

Leonard looked down at his sister, a fond smile becoming more present on his face. “We weren’t fighting.”

Lisa tilted her head, confusion showing on her face. “But you were yelling at each other.”

Leonard pulled his sister into a side hug. “It was just a disagreement. We’re fine now. You’re okay.”

Ray watched the two, unwilling to break the moment between them. After a period of silence, however, he felt he had to speak up. “You know,” he started, hesitantly. “You can always stay here, you know, um, if it gets too tough at home. Or something. My parents wouldn’t mind and we don’t have to tell them anything if you don’t want to. I just,” he paused, stopping his mouth from spilling out everything on his mind.

Leonard looked back at Ray. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” he insisted. “I want both of you to be safe.”

Leonard stared at him while Lisa finally broke out into a smile, a small fragile one, but still a smile. She turned her head to look up at her brother. “Does that mean a sleepover?” 

“Of course,” Ray replied immediately, smiling at her before looking to Leonard. “Whenever you guys want. I mean it.” 

Leonard smiled softly, “Thank you, Raymond.”

Ray smiled back. “It really is no problem.” They made eye contact and Ray did his best to try and communicate his sincerity in the gaze.

Eventually, Leonard looked away, clearing his throat. “So. Chemistry?” 

Now that a few things had been resolved, he decided to give in to Leonard’s subject change. “Okay, Chemistry.” It wasn’t his place to force either of them to tell someone, and he knew if he did it, he would lose any chance of a friendship with them. He would just have to be there for them as much as they would let him and hope that it would be enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A whole week early?! Yeah I was on spring break and had some free time on my hands. So I thought I'd treat you guys. 
> 
> Also in rewatching the series with my beta, [mimishipsit,](http://mimishipspetopher.tumblr.com/) I have come to realize that I cannot go along with my plans and keep this completely canon compliant. Mainly because Kendra and Ray stay together for way longer than I remember. So I'm going to have some elements diverging from canon but I still will keep it as close as I can. 
> 
> Finally, I had someone ask me about request. To give in to my masochistic tendencies, go ahead and hit me up on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) I'll try my best to fulfill any requests I get.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throughout their many years of partnership, Mick and Len had learned how to read each other. So, Len wasn’t surprised when the other could call him out on his bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been brought to my attention that I should probably state the episode that the chapter corresponds to as there may be readers who don't rewatch the series religiously. So from now on, expect those in this beginning note.
> 
> This chapter occurs in episode five after the escape from the gulag but before the celebration afterwards.

Leonard had been reckless, allowing Raymond to get too close. He had gotten comfortable in the familiarity of their banter. It was something so easy to fall back into that he had relaxed his guard. It was extremely stupid of him but he wanted the simplicity. Simple was a nice change of pace for once in his life and he would be lying to say it didn’t feel nice to be close to Raymond.

As nice as it felt, it was still stupid. Falling back into those old habits had left him vulnerable. He was unprepared for the consequences to come and he knew he was smart enough to have spot them coming. If only he had cared enough to think about them, he wouldn’t be where he was now, lounging alone on the bridge, while everyone else was asleep, with a beer in hand and a sour look on his face. His mind was far away, going through every moment he had a lapse in judgment.

This was how Mick found him, three beers in and replaying the moment he let his old nickname for Raymond slip out. “What’s with the pissy face?” Mick kicked Leonard’s feet off the other chair so that he could sit, beer also in hand. “We won.”

“Depends on your definition of winning,” he drawled, choosing to stare into his bottle rather than look at Mick.

“Does this have anything to do with Haircut and why you wanted to leave him behind?” Mick asked after a moment of studying Leonard’s face. “Because that was unlike you.”

Len winced, not particularly fond of that moment. For all his griping about Raymond, leaving him behind would have been much more of a regret. “Possibly.” 

“What’s up with you and him?” He asked, quick to add, “Not that I actually care.”

“Nothing.”

“Now that is an absolute lie,” Mick stated.

Throughout their many years of partnership, Mick and Len had learned how to read each other. So, Len wasn’t surprised when the other could call him out on his bullshit. Instead of giving him the runaround that he would give anyone else, he decided to accept the blunt opinions that their decades of knowing each other allowed them. “Do you remember that guy I dated in high school. What did you call him? The skinny little geek?”

Mick nodded, brows furrowed in confusion. “Yeah, but what does that have to do with you and Haircut?”

“That was Raymond,” he stated in a matter-of-fact manner and then sat back to enjoy the look on Mick’s face when he worked it all out.

“So you two,” he trailed off, either just not wanting to say it or not wanting to even think it.

“Yep.” Leonard sighed.

Mick was silent for a moment, letting the words sink in no doubt, before continuing his questioning. “And now you guys are,” he trailed off again.

“Nothing.” At Mick’s disbelieving look he rolled his eyes. “I mean we did get close again but,” this time he was the one trailing off until Mick repeated the word. “He chose to sacrifice the mission over sacrificing me.” 

Mick snorted. “So? You said it yourself. Haircut would sacrifice himself for a stranger.” 

“No, this was different.” The look on Raymond’s face spoke volumes to the torment he felt at making that call. The man had always been easy to read, heart on his sleeve and all that, but this time it was practically screaming. It was in that moment that Len knew. “I think he still loves me.”

Mick stared at him in shock before chugging down the rest of his beer. “There’s not enough alcohol for this.” He got up and left the room, mumbling something about being right back. While he waited, Len echoed Mick’s beer chugging, also agreeing that there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world for the conversation they were about to have. 

While Mick and Len were both the type to give feelings a wide berth, they were the closest each other had to a real best friend. On occasion, usually a drunken one, they would talk out these feelings. Len was smart enough to know that bottling it all up lead nowhere good. He had witnessed that first hand from a small age. So, whenever Lisa wasn’t available, or if it was a conversation he would rather not have with his sister, he would seek Mick out. They would get shitfaced and then in the morning pretend it never happened. 

Mick came back into the room with two six packs and a determined expression. He sat down and immediately handed Len a beer, taking one for himself as well. After chugging half of it, Mick sighed. “Alright. I’m ready.”

Len retold the whole tale from the beginning, from Raymond being assigned to tutor him to them becoming reluctant friends. He told him about how much Lisa had liked Raymond and how he had liked her, that it was during one of their study sessions that he had realized that what he felt for the other boy was a tad bit more than friendship. He sped through their getting together, knowing Mick would rather be spared the details, and quickly glossed over the end of their relationship.

Mick didn’t interrupt until Len got to their meeting on the rooftop. “Wait. Was that the real reason you wanted to go on this mission?” 

“No,” Len quickly replied. “I meant what I said, though I suppose I would be lying if I didn’t say it was a factor. Even if it was a subconscious one,” which looking back he easily realized now. 

Mick frowned but nodded in acceptance, “Continue.”

And so he did, retelling the first weeks with the team and how he and Ray had gotten closer. He retold their time in Russia with Vostok, in which he had shamelessly flirted with him just to get a reaction, how that had ended on a positive note with a possible promise of more. Then he had to retell what happened in the labs and his slip up with the nickname.

“I slipped.” Len winced. They were a whole six pack in and had started the second by this point. He was picking at the label on the bottle as he retold this part. “I let him get too close again and it let him think there was a chance for us to happen. Calling him ‘boy scout’ again was the catalyst for that. And I don’t know, maybe there was. But that was over the moment he decided to sacrifice the team for me.”

Mick held up a hand to pause Len’s retelling. “So let me get this straight. You got scared because he showed that he would save you over the team?”

“No, I got worried because he would never sacrifice anyone, let alone the team, but in that moment, he did.” Len shook his head, finishing his beer and reaching for a new one. “That is not like Raymond.”

Mick snorted. “Sounds like Haircut to me.”

He had a point. Raymond would sacrifice anything if there was someone in front of him who needed saving. “Maybe, but there was something there that shouldn’t have been. I can’t help thinking that it was the reason he chose to turn the thermal core back on.” 

“You just need a reason to avoid him because you’re scared of your feelings, is what you mean.” Mick stated, reaching for another beer. “I say just forget all the feeling bits and hop into bed with him already. Save us all the headache.”

Len shook his head. “That is what I am trying to avoid. Headaches. There will be plenty to go around if Raymond decides I need saving every five minutes, which from experience will happen.”

“So you have a lost puppy following you around. What harm does that do.” Mick shrugged, taking a swig of beer. “I don’t see your problem.”

“That’s because you don’t do much big picture thinking. Trust me. Starting anything with Raymond would be a terrible idea.” Len set aside his empty beer bottle to grab another. “Maybe even disastrous.” 

“Well I still think you think too much.” Mick gulped down the rest of his beer before standing up and grabbing the last bottle. “But I won’t stand in your way.”

“Thanks,” Len drawled, watching as Mick left the bridge, probably to head to bed. It had been hours since they escaped the gulag and the rest of the team would be waking within an hour or two. However, instead of following his partner, he chose to sit for another hour, staring into the distance and going over his plan for the rest of this mission. He repeated them as a mantra in his head until he almost believed them. Avoid Raymond and the feelings will subside.

* * *

**_1990_ **

About four months after Raymond learned about his father, Len could kind of start to call them friends. He and Lisa had spent every weekend over at Raymond’s. They never spent the night, too afraid of their father’s reaction if they didn’t come home, but it was offered. Len would be lying if he said he never thought about it though. A night where Lisa wouldn’t have to be afraid to sleep in her own room would be one well spent. It wouldn’t have been worth the reaction, should their father notice their absence. 

Today though, Len was thinking he should accept. Their father had been in a particularly foul mood the night before. He had come home late, something about one of his crew dropping out last minute. It was the days after those nights, like this one, where he prefered to take his frustration out on his children, rather than normal outlets. 

So, Len had packed up some of Lisa’s things, and his own, early in the morning. As soon as the sun rose, they left. Len’s clavicle had finally healed to the point he didn’t need the sling anymore and he would rather not risk reinjuring it. He didn’t like not having the full range of his arms. Staying away from home was probably the best idea given these arguments.

They arrived at Raymond’s two hours after the sun rose. It was earlier than they normally would have arrived, but there was nothing they could do about it now. They walked up the, by now, familiar sidewalk to ring the doorbell. 

It was no surprise when Raymond answered the door only a few minutes later with a bright smile and an energy level not meant for early mornings. “Leonard, Lisa! I wasn’t expecting you until later.”

Lisa grinned at Raymond. “Hi, Ray! Lenny said we could come play early today.”

“He did?” Raymond’s face held some amusement as he looked to Leonard. “What’s the occasion.” 

“Didn’t feel like being at home.” Leonard shrugged, trying to downplay the situation. Though from the concerned look the other boy shot him, he wasn’t very good at it. “Besides, these midterms aren’t going to study for themselves.” At this he held up his loaded down backpack.

“Ah, yes. The dreaded midterms.” Raymond stepped back from the entrance, allowing the Snart siblings to enter his home. “Though we both know you don’t really need to study.”

A few weeks into their budding friendship, Raymond had finally got up the courage to ask him about why he needed tutoring when he seemed to get the correct answers anyways. Len figured it wasn’t worth holding out anymore and gave him the answer. Instead of being pissed, like any normal nerd who has just spent weeks of their life on a delinquent who knew the answers anyways, Raymond gushed over how amazing it was. Like his skill to memorize shit was some sort of god given gift. 

Len decided to ignore the other teen’s call out and focused on removing his shoes. This, however, allowed Raymond to notice the backpack Lisa had brought with her. It wasn’t completely unusual for her to bring a few of her own things to play with or some homework to do while they did theirs, however this time her bag was completely stuffed with books and clothes as well as a few of her dolls and other things. It was easy to tell that it was packed for more than a few hours of play time.

“Did something happen with your dad?” 

Len paused in his shoe removal before continuing on, pretending nothing was wrong. “Why would you say that?” He was hoping the bruises from the night before weren’t noticeable. He hated when others worried about him, especially Raymond. 

“It looks like you packed for a sleepover,” his unsure inflection at the end of his statement made it almost seem like a question. 

Len sighed, standing up straight to look at Raymond. “Yeah, I was hoping to ask before you noticed.”

Raymond ignored him to repeat his question, “Did something happen? You never accept my offer for you guys to stay.”

“Why does something need to have happened? Can’t we just decide to stay over one day?” He was getting defensive, he knew, but it was reflex whenever someone got too close to the truth. Raymond, however, knew this and fixed Len with a look that said as much. Len gave a pointed look to Lisa, who was rummaging through her bag for her new doll she wanted to show off to Ray, in response. If they were going to have this conversation, he didn’t want it to be in front of his sister. 

Ray got the message and seemed to agree. “Hey, Lisa. I think Tribble and Chance are outside if you want to play with them.” 

Lisa’s face lit up as she forgot her quest for the doll and quickly made her way to the back door. Len smiled after her fondly before picking up the mess she made. He decided he should probably acknowledge his gratitude to Raymond, because he was. He threw a quick, “thanks,” over his shoulder as he headed to the sunroom.

“Don’t mention it.” Raymond followed behind him, managing to hold his questioning in until they were settled in at the table. “Now are you going to let me know what happened?”

Over the last few months, Raymond had gotten close enough to the Snart siblings that Len felt comfortable sharing a few instances of Lewis Snart’s ‘lessons’ as offhanded as those comments were. Raymond had even gotten the courage to ask a few specifics which he left up to Len to answer. Today, Len decided he was in a cooperative mood. 

“Lewis had a rough night and I don’t particularly feel like being around for the aftermath.” He shrugged. “And I don’t want Lisa in his crosshairs either.”

Raymond nodded, frown firm on his face. “And you’re sure you don’t want to tell anyone about this?” He asked every time and Len always refused for the same reasons. He appreciated the thought though.

“I told you, didn’t I?” He smirked.

Rolling his eyes, Raymond let the topic slide. They sat watching Lisa play with the dogs in silence for a while. However, Raymond couldn’t stay quiet for too long. “So, since we’ve determined you are spending the night and we both know you don’t need to study, and well I don’t need to study either,”

“Is there a question in there, Raymond?” Len interrupted.

“Ah, yes. I was just wondering what exactly you wanted to do?” Ray asked, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. 

Len chuckled. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought that far ahead.”

“Well, we could always marathon  _ Star Wars _ ?” Raymond had introduced him and Lisa to the trilogy last month and it quickly rose its way to one of his favorite movies, which had nothing to do with Lisa claiming Leia as her favorite and proceeding to pretend to be her for a solid week while Len was ‘obviously Luke, dummy’. If anything, he was a little worried that she chose Raymond to be Han Solo. 

Len grinned. “I’m always up for a  _ Star Wars _ marathon.”

Raymond returned his smile. “Okay. I’ll just get my room set up for us if you want to get the popcorn ready?”

Len nodded. He had been Raymond’s guest often enough that the kitchen was basically his own. The Palmer family had told him many times that he was welcome to anything, within reason of course. The family had been more than welcoming to the both of them from the start. He wondered whether Raymond had disclosed their situation with his parents but decided he didn’t particularly care as long as they didn’t interfere with his wishes.

While Raymond went to set up his room for the marathon, Len called Lisa in to help him with the popcorn. She loved the popping and he wouldn’t be the one to take the simple pleasures from her. Two bowls of popcorn later, the Snart siblings made their way to Raymond’s room for one among many  _ Star Wars  _ marathons. 

They made it all the way through  _ A New Hope _ before having to break for lunch, which was a grand affair considering they had just stuffed themselves on popcorn. Mrs. Palmer had not been a fan of that. Then they reconvened for  _ Empire Strikes Back _ and that proceeded into the  _ Return of the Jedi _ . 

It was somewhere in between the Death Star blowing up and the celebration with the Ewoks that Len noticed the lack of chatter from his sister. Looking over, he found her with her head propped up on Ray’s lap fast asleep. He couldn’t help the soft smile at the sight. He caught Raymond’s eye, to which the other boy gave him a sheepish smile and a small shrug.

The entire scene was too adorable and Len could feel his heart clenching at it. It was that pain that brought about a revelation that shook his entire outlook on their relationship. He may have more feelings for Raymond than he originally thought and, as he watched him smile down at his sister before directing his gaze back to the TV in time for the appearances of the force ghosts, Len knew he was completely and utterly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Things happened and well, here we are two weeks later. But it's here! 
> 
> Also, let it be known I just spent a good two hours getting lectured on Star Wars because I know nothing and my Beta, [Mimi,](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) is a fanatic. 
> 
> [My tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for screaming purposes. Also little updates and tidbits for SoT will make their appearances there.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, Ray could just be projecting his wishful thinking. He didn’t know anymore. There was one thing that was certain, however. He was now one hundred percent on board with Professor Stein’s belief that they should avoid personal attachments. At least when it came to Leonard Snart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in episode six after the scene where Stein talks to Ray about Kendra and gives him the idea to ask her out.

Stein had some scary timing in choosing when to approach Ray with his thoughts on fraternization within the team. The professor had no idea how much that conversation resonated with him. If he had come to him just two days ago, he might have been in a different mindset. Then, he and Leonard looked to be on the verge of some kind of relationship. Whether it would become friendship or something more, he didn’t really get the chance to figure that out. He just knew he wanted it. 

He had thought Leonard did too. After all, they had spent the better part of a day flirting, or at least that’s what he chose to see it as. What else would you call Leonard’s persistent wallet stealing, the constant bickering, and his handing over his coat without prompting. Then there was the names. Ray didn’t catch it when it happened, too busy correcting the misinformed thief, but for a single moment Leonard had called him by the old pet name, boy scout. 

Looking back, Ray could kick himself for missing that pivotal moment. It could have meant so much more for them, but he had been caught up in his ego instead. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had caught it, would Leonard be avoiding him like he was now? 

It was frustrating. After spending an entire day together, Leonard was now nowhere to be found. He had even learned from Mick that he wanted to leave Ray to fend for himself in that gulag. He still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. He wanted to believe it was the same thing that happened when they were in high school; Leonard being too afraid of his feelings and deciding to avoid everything having to do with them.

Somehow it felt different this time. Ray would have bet that Leonard had known his feelings before that moment, if the flirting and general time spent together meant anything. Who knows though. There was a time where he would have known what the other was thinking, but they were years from that. The truth was, with distance and decades they had lost any knowledge of the other. Ray had no right to pretend he knew what Leonard had felt.

In all honesty, Ray could just be projecting his wishful thinking. He didn’t know anymore. There was one thing that was certain, however. He was now one hundred percent on board with Professor Stein’s belief that they should avoid personal attachments. At least when it came to Leonard Snart. 

The professor had said something else that he thought was worth considering. A spark between him and Kendra? He had been so caught up in the pull of this hot-cold relationship thing with Snart that he never really thought to look somewhere else on this ship. On top of that, it was like he said. Kendra had a soulmate and therefore was unavailable. Though Carter was no longer with them so there might be a chance.

The question now was whether he wanted to explore this so called spark. It would be nice to have a simple relationship again. Someone who wouldn’t avoid him for no reason. At least he didn’t believe that Kendra would leave him hanging like that. It would be a nice break for his heart.

Yet, it was his heart that was telling him not to start something with Kendra. There really was no denying it now. He was still in love with Leonard. The evidence was in the way his heart sped up at the slightest contact, the fluttering in his stomach when the other smirked at him, and the way the smallest comment from Snart could make him smile. He was actually starting to wonder if he had ever stopped. If he  _ could _ ever stop. Snart had been his first love and he had ruined him. 

Now his question to himself was, should he follow logic and safety or his heart and all the destruction it would bring with it? Because he knew from experience that a relationship with Leonard could only end in ruins. Ray was torn between something that he wanted and something he needed and he wasn’t sure which was worse. 

There was one thing he knew for sure. He had enough heartbreak in his life. If he has a real chance with Kendra, why not take it? Even if it was only the slightest of chances, he would get more out of it than anything he has shared with Leonard (which was a lie but one he felt he should afford himself). Besides, Leonard had pulled away and Ray couldn’t just wait around for him to get over himself. 

Leonard had his chance. Twice now, actually. Both times he had been the one to leave Ray hanging. The first time had broken his heart. It took years to get over that and if he was honest with himself, there was a part that never had. That part was the one screaming to give Leonard another chance. To give him as many chances as it took to end with them in each other’s arms. 

This was the part that would constantly replay all the good parts of their relationship on a loop, and there had been a lot. It showed him how much they had grown together. How they bettered each other. It reminded him that there was a time when they considered each other family,  _ more _ than family. 

But that part of him was also the part that overlooked the hardships that came with the good. It ignored all the fights and everything that annoyed him about the other. More importantly, it was ignoring the pain he had been in at the end. Pain that Leonard, and only Leonard, had caused him. That pain is what fuels his decision. He can’t do this again. 

He had to accept that he and Leonard had no future. That was more than obvious after one failed attempt and a half-assed start of another. So, shoving the only protesting part of himself down into the depths of his subconscious, he resigned himself to his decision. He would try for a relationship with Kendra. It was practical. It was safe. 

Kendra was a great person. She was kind and funny. He could see himself really loving her. Maybe not as deep as he does with Leonard. At least not at the start. Regardless, Ray could see them having a future that he would never get with Leonard. So in the end, the choice shouldn’t have been as hard as it was. Except there was that screaming from deep in his mind saying it should be.

* * *

**_1990_ **

Ray wasn’t sure whether to be worried or hurt. It had been five days since he had the  _ Star Wars _ marathon sleepover with the Snart siblings and ever since then Leonard had been avoiding him. It was almost deja vu like in its similarities to the beginning of the semester. The only difference being that even though Ray hadn’t seen Snart at school, he knew he was there. He had gone to Leonard’s class more than once, only to be told by his classmates that he had just left.

Once again, Ray found himself wondering where he had gone wrong, because he knew it wasn’t Leonard’s father causing it this time. Leonard being at school was part of the proof. The other part being that he wouldn’t be avoiding him if his father beat him. Ray had seen enough of the bruises and broken bones and he had heard enough of the stories for him to have a reason to.

So now he was back to the thought, did he do something wrong? He had replayed the entirety of that weekend over and over in his mind, trying to find the slip up. It was narrowed down to some time after their marathon. Lisa had fallen asleep on his lap and he briefly wondered if that was it. Brotherly concern maybe? But he didn’t think it was. He and Lisa had grown close over the last few months. It wouldn’t have been too out there for her to have fallen asleep on him.

So something had happened during the marathon, or at least right after. He replayed dinner, after they had woken up Lisa and joined his family at the table. Sidney was being his usual jerk self, making snide comments and being a general pain. That couldn’t have been it either. If it was Sidney, Leonard would have no reason to ignore Ray. If anything they could complain about him together.

Maybe it was something his mother had said? Leonard had insisted on helping her with the dishes, like he always does. He said he was only being polite but Lisa told him that it was the only way he knew how to thank his mother for putting up with them. Then again, that would be the same thing as if it was something Sidney had said. Plus, Leonard had been unusually quiet through dinner, so it had to have happened before then.

He had been racking his brain for three solid days now, trying to figure this out. He wanted to solve this as soon as possible because he missed hanging out with Leonard. Granted, at school they had barely spent time together, since they weren’t in the same classes, but it was still enough to miss it. Plus now it was Friday.

Lately, on Friday afternoons, Ray and Leonard would walk to the closest comic book store to kill some time before Lisa got out of school. It had become somewhat of a tradition, and Lisa had loved that both Ray and Leonard would come to pick her up. She said it made her feel like a princess with two doting princes. He didn’t think Leonard would miss out on making his sister happy, so that’s where he was now. Waiting outside of the school for Leonard.

After an hour of waiting, worry and hurt had begun to turn into anger. If Leonard was so intent on not following through with their unsaid plans, the least he could do was drop by to tell him. There was no reason to leave him waiting. 

He was about to head home when he spotted a particular shaven head trying to disappear in the opposite direction. With a mixture of hurt and anger fueling him, Ray quickly followed. Managing to catch up just on the other side of the school, he called out, “Leonard.”

Leonard paused only slightly in his walk but it was enough for Ray to catch up and grab onto his arm, preventing him from escaping. “Let go of me, Raymond.”

“No.” Ray’s voice showed the anger that he felt. “Not until you explain to me why you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you.” And that was such a load of crap. Leonard wasn’t even looking directly at him.

“Then why can’t you look me in the eye?” Ray scowled.

Leonard sighed, finally looking at Ray properly. “There. Happy?”

“Not really,” Ray replied honestly before repeating, “Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything. I just,” Leonard paused. “I just needed some space.”

“Why?” Ray had calmed down quite a bit now, especially since it seemed like Leonard was actually going to talk to him. Trusting him, Ray let go of Leonard’s arm.

“I would rather not talk about it.” Ray opened his mouth to protest but Leonard added, “Please. Just let it go.”

Ray’s heart clenched painfully at the plea. He decided he would drop it, for now, as long as Leonard answered one question. “Okay, but will you at least tell me if it was something I did?”

“It was nothing you did.” Leonard’s voice was firm and Ray believed him.

He was happy to change the subject. “Can we go to the comic book store now or would you rather go alone?” He couldn’t prevent the way it came out sounding like a pathetic plea. He had just really missed hanging out with Leonard. And Lisa.

Leonard nodded and they started to walk to the store in silence, which was weird for him. Ray usually liked to fill up silence with rambling, especially in situations that felt awkward. This, however, wasn’t awkward, for all that it should be. It was nice, and Ray was actually content to walk silently beside Leonard for the twenty minutes it took to get to the store.

The thing about silence though was that it caused him to think, really think. Of course he had done plenty of that in the past few days, but now he was free to think of more than a reason for Leonard to avoid him. His thoughts now don’t stray much farther from that though. 

It’s the start that eventually leads him to thinking about Leonard in general. Like the way he stubbornly refuses to wear a jacket, even though the weather was well below thirty degrees or the way his expression could show nothing but Ray could tell he was deep in thought about something. He thought it stood to show how close they had gotten, that he could read Leonard where he couldn’t before. He hoped that soon he would be able to read him well enough to know what was bothering him.

Even though the silence was comfortable, Ray couldn’t help but break it after a while, if only to shut out his thoughts. “So,” he dragged the ‘o’ out for longer than necessary. “What do you call a cat on ice?”

Leonard glanced over at him, amused smirk starting to appear on his face. “I don’t know.”

“One cool cat.” Ray grinned, one of those grins you only get from telling a particularly shitty joke.

Leonard snorted before letting out a small laugh and Ray’s stomach did some olympic level somersaults. “You’re ridiculous.”

Ray’s heart was clenching in a way much different from before but he tried to smile through the confusion that brought. “Hey, I’m not that bad.”

Leonard turned his head to look him fully in the eyes, a genuine smile on his face. “You’re right. You’re not bad at all.”

Maybe it was the way Leonard had said it, or the way his stomach felt like it had jumped into his throat, but all of a sudden Ray had begun to understand something. All these feelings he felt, that rollercoaster of emotions he had been on when Leonard had been avoiding him, the sudden interest his stomach had in gymnastics, it could all be attributed to one thing. He had feelings, more than friendship feelings, for Leonard Snart. 

He nearly tripped over his feet which caused Leonard to chuckle. “Walk much?”

“What? I uh,” Faced with a sudden realization in front of the person he could now call a crush, Ray lapsed into his rambling self. “Did you know that some people actually suffer from tripping problems? It’s called peripheral neuropathy and basically it causes the person to fall.” 

While he paused for a breath, Leonard quickly interrupted. “Are you telling me you have a tripping problem?”

“Uh,” It was pretty safe to say that Ray’s brain was no longer firing properly as now it had completely failed him. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. “No?”

Leonard let out a breath of laughter. “You’re ridiculous,” he repeated.

Thinking about his feelings and the fact that realizing them would only make this friendship harder, he couldn’t help but agree. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter this week unfortunately, but it's important for Ray. Just don't kill me.
> 
> Also, I feel I need to warn you guys that in less than three weeks I will be going to Germany for three months. Now my plan is to hash out as much of these chapters as I can in the short amount of time I have before then. However, in the most likely case that I don't manage to get much done, be prepared for a possible delay in updates. Also, I don't know how busy I will be over there so I can't promise a short or long break. I'll have to see once I get there.
> 
> If you really want to know how soon the next chapter will come out once we reach that point, follow me on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) I post all my updates for SoT on there. 
> 
> Beta: [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was small talk and Len contemplated not answering her, but he was already half a bottle in, making him a bit more willing to cooperate. It took him only a second to realize Sara planned it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The present scene takes place at the end of episode seven, after Leonard maroons Mick in time. And let me tell you, every time I rewatch that scene it kills me.

Feelings were never a strong point for Leonard. He never quite knew how to deal with them productively and right now he was drowning in them. So he figured, might as well fight fire with fire, and drown them right back. As soon as he was back on the ship, he made his way straight to Rip’s study and the hidden bottles of liquor he knew were stashed there.

Having not come across any of the team on his way to the study, he had wrongly assumed, maybe hoped, it would be the same on the way back to his room. As it was, Sara spotted him, making him pause with a questioning raise of an eyebrow. “Bad day?”

Len snorted. She knew exactly how his day was going since she had been a major part of it. “You could say that.”

She pulled a bottle out of his arms, one of three. “Want some company?”

“No.” And he didn’t. He never liked getting wasted around other people. He didn’t even like getting drunk in front of his sister. The only person he ever got drunk with was Mick which brought a sharp stab of pain and the urgent need to chug one of the bottles.

“Well too bad. You just happened to pick my favorite brand.” She grinned, showing him the label of the bottle she held. 

Len knew she was lying, just like he knew he could call her out on it. But he didn’t, instead letting her follow him without another word. They remained in silence until they got to Leonard’s room. Even if he had to be forced to drink with Sara, he wasn’t going to let the rest of the team walk in on it.

“So what’s the occasion?” Sara asked, taking the seat at his desk. 

“Like you said, bad day,” He drawled, opening a bottle and taking a long swig. 

“I can see that.” She watched him openly and Leonard pretended it didn’t slightly bother him. “Wanna talk about it?” 

Len let out a huffy laugh repeating a quick, “No,” before taking another swig. 

“Okay,” her tone was skeptic but she allowed him to drink in silence after that, taking a few sips from her own bottle. After a while she held up a deck of cards he had left lying on his desk with a questioning look.

Len shrugged, moving to sit on the floor and leaning back on the bed. It beat standing in silence while Sara watched him as if she was waiting for him to break. 

Sara joined him on the floor and dealt out the cards for gin rummy. She was quiet for the first two plays but once Len had made his first run, she spoke up. “So, who taught you how to play?”

It was small talk and Len contemplated not answering her, but he was already half a bottle in, making him a bit more willing to cooperate. It took him only a second to realize she planned it that way. “Mick.” He winced at the pain that memory brought. “Back in Juvie it was the best way to pass the time.”

Sara nodded, grabbing a card to start her turn. She took her time rearranging it as she continued her questioning. “Sounds like you guys have always been pretty close.”

Len shrugged and grabbed his bottle, taking a long pull from it. If Sara was intent on having this discussion he would need to be a lot less sober. 

Sara was still watching him closely as she discarded. “You didn’t kill him.”

The statement startled him but he tried not to let it show. “Now what makes you say that?”

“The way you talk about him? I don’t see you killing him. Knocking some sense into him, maybe. But you wouldn’t kill him.” She locked gazes with him before asking, “So what happened?” 

Len frowned. She wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to kill Mick. They had been partners for decades, looking out for each other above everyone else. He wouldn’t throw all that history away for a stupid mission he only partially cared about. Still, it had hurt leaving him behind. He was going back for him. As soon as Savage was dead, he would return to that exact moment so it wasn’t like he had actually left him. It still felt like betrayal though. He picked up a card.

“I won’t tell the team,” she added probably deciding Len had been silent for too long. “Even though I don’t know why you won’t just tell them.”

“I told them I would take care of it. Anything beyond that isn’t any of their business.” He glared at Sara as he completed his turn but it didn’t seem to phase her. 

“That’s fair.” She picked up a card, immediately placing down a set. “You’re still going to tell me though, right?” There was a hint of a threat in her voice which Len didn’t particularly care about, but he supposed he could tell her since she already figured it out.

“I left him behind. Figure I’ll go back for him once Savage’s corpse is cold and there’s no threat of him ruining the mission.” 

“I figured it was something like that.” She nodded, pouting her lips into a thoughtful expression.    
“That’s still not going to fix the problem though.”

And Len knew that. He knew Mick was still going to be angry. That he would feel even more betrayed once Len came back and told him they had finished the mission without him. He knew Mick may never forgive him. And he knew it would probably mark the end of their partnership. “I figure I have time to figure that out.”

“Ah,” Sara nodded again like she got his reasoning and finally discarded to end her turn. “So here’s my next question.” She waited until he had moved to pick up the card to ask, “Why did you choose us over him?”

He froze, hand on the discard pile, about to pick up Sara’s card. “What?”

“You heard me,” Sara stated, a smug look on her face as if she knew she had hit a sore spot and was ready to break it open. “Your relationship with Mick was more important than us for most of this mission. So what changed?” 

Len pulled back, taking the card with him and using the time to place down his set to stall his response. “You saw what Rip showed us. It doesn’t do us any good to have our home destroyed.”

“That’s a load of bull and you know it.” Sara was glaring at him now, having completely dropped the smug look from earlier. “You couldn’t give a damn about what happens to the city after you’re long dead. So why?” When Len refused to answer, choosing to discard instead, Sara added, “Does it have anything to do with Ray?”

Len froze once again, cursing Sara for her intuition. “No,” he lied, hoping his hesitation wouldn’t give him away, but knowing better than to hold his breath for it.

“I saw the way you looked at him and Kendra today. And don’t tell me it was just because their flirting was nauseating, even if I would have to agree.” She fixed him with a determined stare. “You were jealous.”

“I’m not drunk enough for this.” Len took ahold of the bottle beside him and drained the last of its contents. He had barely begun admitting it to himself and yet Sara was able to call it on a simple look. 

Before he could reach for the last bottle, Sara snatched it. “No. Talk to me and then maybe I’ll let you kill yourself from alcohol poisoning.”

“Fine,” Len sighed but he knew when he was beat, even if he was halfway to black out drunk. “I was jealous. Happy now?”

Sara nodded. “So how did that happen?”

“What? Raymond and Saunders? I wouldn’t know.” And he couldn’t help the way it came out, a little spiteful. 

Sara rolled her eyes. “No. I’m talking about you and Ray because I’ve been on this ship the entire time and I know mutual attraction when I see it.”

And really damn Sara and her observation skills. “What do you want me to say? Do you want the full details? Or do you just want me to admit that there was something there?”

Sara shrugged, taking a sip from her still mostly full bottle. “I’ll take what I can get. But mostly, why’d you let him go?”

Len frowned, scowling at the last bottle she still had in her grasp. “I couldn’t go through it again.”

“Go through what exactly?” 

“Leaving him. If we started something again it could only end tragically. One or both of us would die from some stupid mistake he made while saving me. Just like in Russia.” He reached for the bottle. “Now if this is going to continue, I’m going to need that.”

She hesitated but eventually handed it over, watching as he opened and drank from it. “Again?”

And of course she would pick that up out of the entire spiel. “This isn’t our first try at this.” When she looked at him like she wanted him to elaborate, he continued, finally admitting, “We knew each other in high school.”

It seemed to shock Sara as she stared at him for a solid minute. “That explains so much.”

Len wasn’t quite sure what it explained but he chose to respond by taking another long pull from the bottle in his hand. 

“So you just handed him over to Kendra?”

He frowned down at the bottle. “No. I simply chose to avoid him. He’s the one who chose to go to her.” And it pained him almost as much as the malice in his tone. He knew by pushing Ray away, the man would eventually move on. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly. 

“So you handed him over to Kendra,” Sara repeated, this time with a confirming nod. When Len glared at her she grinned back. “What! You did. You can’t expect him to wait for your brooding ass forever, can you?”

She had a point, but he had been over this before. “It was rather quick.”

“Quick for what, twenty years or so? You were together before, you know each other. I’m sure he figured you were going to act whatever way you acted back then.” Sara punctuated her statement with a sip from her bottle, keeping eye contact with Leonard.

How Sara knew he was the reason they had ended their brief romance in high school, Len had no idea. Probably something to do with her strangely accurate intuition or keen observation skills. Whatever it was, it was still unnerving. “I suppose you have a point.”

“Of course I do.” She smiled at him, smugly. “So what are you going to do about it?”

Len frowned into his nearly empty bottle. “Nothing.”

Sara’s smile dropped as she sat forward. “What?”

“I’m not  _ going  _ to do anything.” Len shrugged, taking another swig from the bottle.

“And why not?” She was glaring at him now, as if daring him to come up with a good reason to not go after Ray.

“Because he deserves better,” Len explained, voice light. He had accepted this as fact a long time ago. Raymond had always been too good for him, even back in high school.

Sara squinted her eyes at him, like she was trying to put together the logic behind his words. “You can’t actually believe that.”

“I do.” Len, possibly by the help of a copious amount of alcohol, decided to enlighten her, “Look, Sara. It’s a well known fact that I’m a murder and a thief. Raymond is,” he paused, finding it difficult to come up with a single word to sum up Ray’s goodness. “He’s the opposite of me. He deserves someone who won’t end up spending half his life in a prison.”

Sara was frowning by the time he finished. “Okay, fair point, but have you considered that none of it matters to Ray?”

“It should,” He replied before raising the bottle to drain the last of the liquor in it.

“But it doesn’t.” Her gaze was direct and held the determination to match the sternness of her voice. Besides, Leonard, you’re not that guy anymore, as much as you pretend to be. Choosing us over Mick proved that.”

Leonard still felt a pained pull at the mention of leaving Mick behind, proving that he wasn’t drunk enough yet. He reached for Sara’s half full one. 

She pulled the bottle out of his reach. “No. Not until you understand this.”

Len groaned and leaned back. “What exactly am I supposed to be understanding?”

“That this pity party you’re throwing yourself is a load of bullshit.” When he only stared at her in response, she continued, “You are the only one here holding onto your past. Ray doesn’t see a murderer and a thief when he looks at you. That is what matters.” She stretched her leg out to push Len with her foot. “Now quit your bitching and go get him.”

Len let her push him over. He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. “That’s a nice pep talk and all, but it doesn’t make the fact that Ray’s with Saunders untrue.”

“And you’re telling me that she isn’t just a rebound for him?” She let out a breath of a laugh, “Hell, they’re both rebounds for the other.”

And this was more truth that Len had been choosing to ignore. “They’re still together. I may be many things but a homewrecker isn’t one of them.” 

“Is it really homewrecking if they just started dating?” Sara asked, putting the cap back on her bottle in finality. 

Len watched from the corner of his eye as she stood up. “I would think so.”

“Fine,” Sara sighed. “Do whatever you like but don’t drag the rest of the team into it. The second your little pity party becomes a hazard to the mission, I’ll personally kick your ass.”

“Yes, sir,” Len called out to her as she left the room, taking the last bottle with her. He had never been more disappointed in his high tolerance of alcohol. Now there was nothing to drown out the thoughts swirling in his head, only grown larger by his chat with Sara. 

* * *

**_1990_ **

Leonard should have known better than to try and avoid Raymond. Running away wouldn’t solve anything. His feelings still persisted. He couldn’t stop himself from missing Ray throughout the week. His stupid jokes and dorky laugh. It was ridiculous. Even without Ray there, Len would constantly be thinking of him. What he would say to this or whether or not he would like that. Really, avoiding him was getting him nowhere.

And honestly, he didn’t even have a plan for the weekend and the questions Lisa would ask when they suddenly stopped going to his house. Besides, they needed to get out of that house as often as possible.

Their father was gearing up for some big heist and now that they were down a member, it would only be a matter of time before Len was forced to join them. The last time he had helped on a job he had ended up in juvie for a month. That was an entire month where he wasn’t there to protect his sister because of course Lewis had let him take the fall. Len may hate his father, but he wasn’t about to snitch on him either. So he decided, the less opportunities his father had to ‘ask’ him to join the crew the better. 

He supposed they could always go to Mick’s. He had a small apartment but he lived with two other shady characters that Leonard trusted less than his father. No, he and Lisa had no other option than to go to Ray’s on their days off so it was a good thing Ray had tracked him down on Friday and forced his way back into their lives. 

Now that it was winter break, Len had decided they should go over to Ray’s as often as possible. Ray and his parents seemed to be fine with it, which sort of furthered his theory that Ray had told them something. Either way, he was grateful for them letting him and his sister crash there. 

Len had decided to push his feelings to the back of his mind. He wasn’t going to let them ruin what they had. He needed it and even more importantly, Lisa needed it. So every time he felt that tug at his heart, when Ray laughed or quoted some sci-fi show, Len chose to ignore it to the best of his ability. For his sister he couldn’t act on them. They needed this sanctuary more than he needed a relationship. 

They had to still make appearances at home anyways. They could only take so much of their stuff with them, plus their father would eventually notice they were missing. Especially when he started looking for Leonard. So Len decided to go back to the house alone to grab their things as they needed them and do a couple of chores so their father doesn’t completely freak out.

The first two times he did this went fine. His father was either passed out or not home and he was able to do what he needed before Lewis made his appearance. The third time was much different. He knew something was up when he walked up to the door. More like he had a feeling. A gut feeling that he had learned to follow over the years, especially when it came to his father.

Lewis was waiting for him in the living room when he opened the door. He had been watching the door, arms crossed and empty bottles scattered on the coffee table in front of him. It was at that moment he knew he was screwed. 

“Where have you been?” The anger had already entered his voice.

Len closed the door without turning. One of the lessons he learned from his father, never turn your back on a threat. “With a friend.” Another lesson, never lie. Only skirt the truth.

“And your sister?” Lewis stood up, slowly walking down the hallway towards his son.

Len backed up against the door as his father approached. A habit he had yet to break. “Also with a friend.”

“Right,” His tone was disbelieving and he reached out a hand to grab onto Leonard’s shoulder. “Now come on, son. Let’s sit and talk.” Leonard winced as his father pulled him by the shoulder to sit on the couch. Once he had pushed Len down onto the couch he continued, “Now I need your help with something.”

Len frowned. He had known this was coming and had hoped to avoid it until his father ran out of time. “I’m actually busy with,”

Lewis didn’t let him finish. “You’re on break from school, aren’t you? Of course you have time.”

And Len couldn’t really argue with him, knowing where that usually leads. He could still remember the pain from his broken collarbone and wasn’t in a hurry to repeat that injury. 

“You’re going to join me on this job.” 

He also knew better than to tell him no. That was the first lesson he ever learned. “What am I doing?” He hoped for getaway driver, but knew that was a long shot. 

“Added manpower.” Lewis stated. “I need someone who can help carry out all our loot.”

So he was actively participating. It could land him back in juvie, like most of Lewis’ heists did, but he couldn’t refuse. “Fine. When is it?”

“Tomorrow night.” Len’s stomach dropped. “So I need you to come with me to the warehouse and work out a few details with the rest of the crew.”

He wouldn’t be able to get back to Lisa. He panicked for a moment, but then he remembered that she was with Ray. She was safe. As long as she was safe he could do this. Hopefully Lewis actually thought this one through enough to get them all out this time. He had to call Ray and let them know he wouldn’t be back. “Alright. Just let me grab a few things and,”

Lewis cut him off once again. “We have to go now. There’s a lot we’ll have to factor in with you there.”

Because of course his father wouldn’t have planned everything way in advance. “Now?”

“Yes, now.” He grabbed Len by the arm and pulled him up. “Let’s go.”

Len followed, hoping Lisa would be okay with Raymond. Maybe he could sneak away to a payphone or something. Just so they wouldn’t worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another late chapter. Sorry about that! But it's my final week of classes and my last day of work was actually Sunday so by Friday I should be free to work on SoT as often as I desire... At least until the eleventh. That's when I leave for Germany. So hopefully I'll have a few more chapters for you guys before then. I'll at least have one for Sunday though.
> 
> Until then, check out my [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) I post some tidbits and updates for SoT on there. 
> 
> Also check out my beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) who puts up with all my whining and gets me motivated to write more. She's the real hero here.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now he had to lie. There was no way he could tell Kendra that the reason he was doubting them was because he was in love with Leonard, probably always would be. He still loved her. He just needed to sort out whether he could love her while also loving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter that officially breaks away from canon. Starting towards the end of episode nine when Ray and Kendra talk about their relationship and the past two years.

Ray was lost. This day had been full of ups and downs. Full of realizations. First Rip had come back for them, ripping them away from the life they lived for two years. Then Kendra, after spending those two years practically married to him, couldn’t wait to throw that life away and not look back. And finally there was Nanda freaking Parbat. Man does he hate that place.

In that death trap Rip had dropped on them the information about time drifting or whatever. The fact that being stranded in time had possibly made it so they had forgotten who they were before made a whole lot of sense now that they were out of 1960. He remembered now, all the things he had felt before. The reason he and Kendra had gotten together in the first place. But more importantly, he remembered the way he felt for the first few months. It was the reason he tried so hard to get back to the ship and why he fought so hard against the idea of the rest of the team being dead.

He had thought he could get together with Kendra to get over Leonard, but the fact was that until the time drift set in, he was still in love with him. Hell, since the time drift has started to fade, those feelings had already begun to come back and now he was torn. 

In those two years he had fallen in love with Kendra, be it through the influence of the time drift or actual feelings developing. He was ready to marry her, to start a family with her. And these feelings for Leonard were ruining that. Ripping it apart and showing him that it might not be real. He couldn’t handle that. 

Which is why he had moved back into his room. He was sitting on his bed, flipping the ring he bought Kendra over and over in his hand. He needed to process. To be alone and sort out all of these feelings.

Kendra broke his thoughts by walking in the room, causing him to quickly stash the ring. She had a basket of her things in her arms and an expression on her face that was a mixture of hurt and anger. “So, where you going to tell me?”

Caught off guard, he responded, “Sorry, tell you what?”

“That you were moving back into your room without me?” Her tone was saddened, and her face held more hurt than anger now. Like the anger is what got her in the door, but the hurt was fueling the conversation. 

“Oh, um,” He stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse, any excuse but the truth. “I just assumed that you wanted some space.” He moved up on the bed. “You made it pretty clear you were over our old life.” Which was true, and part of the reason he was torn. As much as it made part of him rejoice at the choice being taken from him, it also hurt to think that those two years were so disposable. That he was so disposable.

“Look,” Kendra sighed, setting the basket down and giving Ray an opportunity to push the ring under his mattress. “Just because I wasn’t satisfied with the circumstances, doesn’t mean I didn’t fall in love with you.” 

“Oh,” Ray looked down. Now that complicated things. “I just,” he couldn’t gather his thoughts. Everything was crashing around him and he just needed some time to sort it. “Maybe, I just need some time?”

“Oh,” Kendra’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Can I ask why?”

And now he had to lie. There was no way he could tell her that the reason he was doubting them was because he was in love with Leonard, probably always would be. He still loved her. He just needed to sort out whether he could love her while also loving him. 

“Time drifts.” It was the first thing that came to his mind, and it was partially the truth. After all, a good lie holds truth. He winced. “I um, just want to make sure that this isn’t completely the result of that.”

“You think that our love is some made up consequence of being stranded in time?” Kendra had crossed her arms, now she was starting to show more anger with the pain.

“No! That’s not what I meant,” Another lie but not for the reason she thought. “I just want to make sure that we’re both as invested in this.”

“You think my love isn’t real?” And now she just sounded offended. 

“No!” This conversation had quickly became a disaster. Ray wasn’t sure if he could salvage it. He took a deep breath. “Maybe we should just,” he paused, gathering his thoughts so he didn’t cause more problems, “wait and see if we still feel the same when we’re surrounded by the rest of the team.”

Kendra scoffed, “Fine.” She then quickly grabbed her basket and turned towards the door. “Let me know when you figure out whatever it is you have to figure out.” And then she stormed out, leaving him with a pain in his chest and feelings of guilt. 

He sat there on the bed for a while before deciding he had enough of his thoughts. He needed to keep his mind occupied with something other than his love life and the best way to do that was to work on the A.T.O.M. suit. 

He had only gotten part way to the room they had designated as the work room when he ran into somebody, almost literally. It was just his luck that it was one of the two people on this ship he had wanted to see the least. He would even take brainwashed Rory over them.

However, it wasn’t Rory he had run into and Kendra was probably in her own room by now, angrily placing her things away. Instead, it was Leonard. The other man had been too focused on flexing his hand. He nearly ran into Ray, recognizing another person’s presence at the last minute and shifting out of the way.

Ray paused in his walk. He needed to say something to Leonard. His mind needed it. “Hey, you got your hand fixed.” He tried to put on his usual cheerful tone but he was not quite sure he hit it.

Leonard looked up at him then, bringing his hand up between them. “Yep. Good as new.” There was an awkward tension in his words along with his normal slow paced wording.

“I didn’t know Gideon could fix missing limbs.” It was a painful stab at trying to hold a conversation.

Either taking pity on him, or wanting the conversation to last just as much as Ray did, Leonard replied, “Neither did I. Rip seemed to have purposely left that out. Though that’s not much of a surprise.”

There was something off about Leonard. He seemed much more subdued than his usual snarky self. Ray’s face scrunched up in worried confusion. “Is everything alright? You weren’t hurt anywhere else where you?” 

Leonard chuckled softly. “I’m fine, Raymond. Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head over.”

“You don’t seem fine.” It took him only a few seconds to realize why. “Of course you’re not. With Mick showing back up and losing your hand.” He paused. “And none of this is really helping is it.”

Leonard gave him a pained smile. “No. It’s really not.”

Ray felt the same stab of pain that he felt when Kendra stormed out of his room earlier. A testament to the fact that he still loved him as much as he did Kendra and a reminder that he still had feelings to sort out on that front. However, he couldn’t just leave Leonard alone, knowing that he was hurting. “I was just on my way to the workshop. I have a lot of work to do on the A.T.O.M. suit what with tearing it apart and all. Would you like to join me?”

The question almost wasn’t worth the flash of emotion that crossed Leonard’s face. Ray wasn’t able to catch the exact looks that crossed his face, but he could tell they weren’t happier ones. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice was quiet, again showing a subdued quality that wasn’t suppose to be there. 

“Why not?” He couldn’t deny that Leonard’s statement had hurt. He needed to know why he had been avoiding him since Russia. He was tired of just sitting by and letting Leonard walk away from him. “Since when did you decide spending time together wasn’t worth your time? Because it seemed like you liked me well enough in Russia.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ray watched as Leonard tried to build up his walls. He had witnessed it enough to know it was happening. He wasn’t going to let it.

“There was something between us, Leonard. You know it, and I know it.” He grabbed Leonard’s arm as the other tried to walk away. “There’s no point in denying it.”

“Let me go Raymond,” He drawled, refusing to look up from the hand on his wrist.

“No. Not until you talk to me.” He was determined to get answers. He needed to know what Leonard felt so that he could sort out his own whirlwind of feelings. A decision had to be made, one he couldn’t do without all the facts.

Leonard held his gaze with a glare. Neither one of them was willing to back down but eventually Ray wore him down. Looking away, he answered, “Fine. Just not here where anyone can walk in on this mushy feeling fest.” 

Ray nodded in agreement. It wouldn’t do any good to have someone walk in on them now. Especially if that someone would happen to be Kendra. “Alright. Yours or mine?” 

Glaring up at him, Leonard replied with a quick, “mine” before pulling his arm out of Ray’s laxed grasp and leading the way back to his room. 

It was a quiet walk, making it seem longer than it was. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it wasn’t the most comfortable walk of his life. Ray was too busy running over every possible way that this could play out and then worrying over the fact that there was more negative scenarios than positive.  

Leonard stepped into his room, waiting by the door as Ray followed him in. They stood there for a moment, neither one ready to break the silent contemplation. Surprisingly, it was Leonard that broke the silence. “So what exactly is it that you want to know?”

Ray took a deep breath. This was it. All the cards were being laid out on the table. Ray wasn’t quite sure what he would do after this, whether it would help his decision or not. But he needed answers. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I have many feelings for you. Annoyance being one of them.” Leonard smiled at him but it came across more like a grimace. 

Ray gave him a look telling him to cut the crap. “Do you still love me?”

“Oh.” Leonard took a deep breath. “Those feelings.”

“Yeah, those feelings.” Ray mimicked as he watched the other start to pace. 

“Honest answer?” Len asked, pausing in his walk to look at Raymond. After being given a nod in confirmation, he looked away and continued, “It’s possible.”

Ray tried to ignore the way his heart leapt at that. He didn’t want to build up too much hope. “Possible? What does that mean?”

“What it means, Raymond, is that this thing between us,” he brought his hand up, gesturing to the both of them. “It’s complicated and bound to get messy. I’m doing us both a favor by pretending it doesn’t exist. So why can’t you?”

Ray’s heart was pounding. “You’ve always been afraid of your feelings. I’m not like that. While you run away, I embrace them.”

“Pretty stupid of you,” Leonard ground out.

“I don’t think so,” Ray said, moving towards Leonard until he was standing in front of him. “See, I think it’s actually the opposite. It’s not a bad thing to feel, Len.”

“Raymond,” his tone held a warning that didn’t match up with the look in his eyes. “This is a bad idea.”

“I thought you were all about bad ideas,” Ray spoke softly, right before he pulled Leonard in by the back of his head and pressed their lips together. 

Leonard tensed for a moment but quickly gave in. The kiss was one of the more tender that they’ve shared. It was like finally coming home. Time slowed and yet it ended all too soon, Leonard finally pushing against Ray’s chest.

“We can’t do this,” Leonard said once he had pushed Ray back far enough to breathe.

“I’m pretty confident that we can,” Ray tried pulling him back in but Leonard resisted.

“You’re with Kendra.” He took in a shaky breath. “You should be with Kendra.”

Ray frowned. “Do you really think that? After all this? I don’t want to be with Kendra.” He hadn’t realized it until that moment, but it was true. He had always loved Leonard and now that he was confident that Leonard loved him back, he couldn’t think about Kendra the same way. He still felt a stab of guilt when thinking about it and he may always love her in a way. He would never be able to love her like he does with Leonard, though. That wasn’t fair to her.

“You deserve better.” Len tried to push Ray away again, but Ray refused to move. 

“Isn’t that up for me to decide?” Ray asked. “Because I will always choose you.” 

Leonard sucked in a sharp breath. “You can’t actually mean that.”

“But I do.” This time when Ray pulled Leonard in, he was met with no resistance. 

Leonard let the kiss last longer this time before pushing away again, earning a dissatisfied noise from Ray. “We need to stop.”

“I thought we were over this?” Ray sighed.

“Yes, but,” Len pushed back some more, creating a decent amount of space between them. “You need to think about this.” When Ray opened his mouth to protest that he actually really wanted this, Len held up a hand in between their faces. “Hear me out.”

Ray sighed again but fully pulled away from Leonard, taking a step back. He wasn’t satisfied with it, but he would hear Leonard out. If only so he could assuage all his doubts.

“This is happening fast and maybe it was bound to happen, but this was still a rash action. You may think this is what you want but what if it isn’t?” Ray opened his mouth to say that he really has been thinking about this but Leonard continued before he could. “You haven’t thought about Kendra. To her, you are still together. On top of that, you were together for two years and you can’t tell me that doesn’t mean anything to you.”

Ray frowned. Leonard had a point. He hadn’t really thought about what Kendra would think or feel. Two years was also a long time and he couldn’t deny he still felt something for her. He knew it wasn’t as strong as what he felt for Leonard though. “It’s not the same.”

“You don’t know that. You could just be caught up in the moment.” Leonard watched him as Ray shook his head, trying to determine whether or not there was fact in his logic. “All I’m asking is that you give it one day. Sort out your head and if you still want this,” He took a deep breath. “Then we will go from there.”

Ray nodded. He wasn’t happy about it, but he got the sentiment behind it. “Alright. One day.”

“Good. Now get out of my room.” Leonard grinned before turning away from him. 

Ray grinned back, calling out as he backed towards the door, “Any chance of a goodnight kiss?”

There was amusement in his voice when he called back, “Goodnight, Raymond.”

Ray laughed before leaving the room, calling out as he left. “Night, Len.”

* * *

**_1990_ **

When lunch came around and there was still no word from Leonard, Ray finally allowed himself to feel the worry that Lisa had been trying to hide. Normally when Leonard went back for more clothes and whatever Lisa decided she needed that day, he would be back within three hours. Three hours had passed two hours ago. 

“Maybe we should go check on him,” he tried to hide his worry, afraid it would only freak Lisa out.

Lisa shook her head. “He’ll be back.” Ray could tell she was trying hard to not show her worry. Still, it manifested in her glances out the window and the way she bit her lip. 

Ray frowned. He was pretty sure he knew the reason Lisa didn’t want to check on her brother. If their father was the reason Leonard was late, she wouldn’t want to drag him into that. The thing was that if their father had caused Leonard to stay, Ray wanted to be there for him. To save him if he needed it. 

He stood up from his seat at the table where they had both sat poking at their food long after the rest of his family left the table. “We’re going Lisa.”

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him. “No, Ray, we should just wait here.” She grabbed ahold of his arm tightly, trying to hold him in place.

Ray sighed. “I know you’re worried. I am too. I also know you’re worried about me but I can take care of myself.” He crouched down to be eye level with her. “We need to check on your brother.”

Lisa looked down for a moment, her lip poked out in a pout. “Lenny doesn’t want you to see.”

Ray had suspected that was part of it too. As much progress as they had made in their friendship, Leonard was still proud and hated letting anyone see him as week. It was the reason he hid any injuries he had until Ray found them by placing a hand in the wrong spot or making him laugh too hard. “I know, Lisa, but you have to know that we need to make sure he’s okay.”

She nodded, still not looking at him. “Okay.”

Ray patted her head, trying to comfort her. “Go on and get your coat and boots on.” He watched as she slowly made her way to the door to get ready to go out in the cold. He sighed before following, wondering whether or not to let his mother know where they were going. Deciding against it since it would only worry her, possibly enough to call the police, he pulled on his coat and boots. 

He took Lisa’s hand as he lead the way to her house. They were quiet most of the way, mostly too worried to hold any kind of conversation. When they got off the last bus, Lisa paused. “Ray?”

“Yeah?” He frowned down at her. She still wasn’t looking at him, focused on the snowy sidewalk beneath her boots.

“I’m scared.” She looked up at him then, allowing him to see the fear in her eyes. He hadn’t really thought about how dragging her back to the house would affect her. He should have left her with his mom. 

He squatted down to look her in the eyes, wanting her to understand what he had to say. “I know but don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”

“Promise?” Her voice was small and if he was a little further away he would have missed it. 

His heart broke. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath before grabbing Ray’s hand and forcing him to stand so he could follow her. 

When they finally reached the house, Lisa paused at the end of the walkway. Ray took in the sight of the house, allowing her a moment. It was a normal looking house, all things considered. A little old and run down, but wasn’t as bad as Ray had imagined it. The way the siblings talked about home he had expected much worse. Then again, that was probably mostly due to the man that lived there rather than the house itself.

He looked down to Lisa. “You ready?”

Lisa nodded. “Dad’s not home so it should be okay.”

“How do you know?” Ray asked.

She pointed to an empty patch of grass in front of the house. “The car’s gone. Dad only takes it when he’s working.”

“Where does your dad work?” He had always tried to avoid conversations about their father. Leonard was never open about it and he was afraid of bringing it up to Lisa so he didn’t know much about the man. Beyond the fact that he was beating his children.

Lisa shrugged, pulling Ray up to the porch. “A warehouse.”

Ray frowned, but instead of pursuing the topic, he let Lisa open the door. They walked into the house in silence, listening for any disturbance.

“Lenny?” Lisa called out. Ray let her run up the stairs to check up there while he looked around the main part of the house. It was weird, comparing the normalcy of the Snart household with the vision he had in his mind. The only comparison was the cluster of beer bottles lying around but that was more do to the facts he managed to pry from Leonard rather than his own imaginings. 

Lisa came back down the stairs after a few minutes. There were tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. “He’s not here.”

“But he was.” Ray frowned, picking up a bag from the couch. It was the one Leonard had brought home to exchange clothes with. Their dirty clothes were still in it. 

Lisa’s lip started to quiver but she quickly reigned it in. “Dad must have found him.” 

Ray’s stomach dropped. That was exactly what both of them had feared. “Where would they go?” Lisa stayed silent, prompting Ray to ask again. “Where would they go, Lisa?”

Lisa pulled at the edge of her shirt. “Dad is probably making him work again,” she mumbled.

“Work where?” The way she was acting, Ray couldn’t believe that the warehouse her dad worked at was a normal warehouse.

Lisa shook her head. “Lenny didn’t want you to know.”

“But I need to Lisa.” Ray stepped forward crouching down to her level once again. “What if he’s in serious trouble?” 

Lisa whispered, “But he’s always in trouble with dad.”

Ray’s heart was breaking, not just for this scared little girl, worried about her brother, but also for Leonard. The siblings have been through too much. Ray could barely even comprehend it. “Even more of a reason to tell me.”

Lisa shook her head, looking up at Ray with wet eyes. “No. Lenny wouldn’t want me too. He want’s you to be safe.”

It was the determination in her gaze that made him back off for the time being. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me. But we should wait here for when they get back.”

“You can’t be here when dad is.” Lisa stated, determination growing. “Lenny can take care of himself. We can wait for him at your house.”

Ray didn’t want to bring up the what ifs. What if Leonard actually needs help? What if he’s too hurt to come back to Ray’s house? Or worse? He didn’t want to worry Lisa anymore than she was. So he kept quiet as they gathered up the few things Leonard had come back for and remained that way all the way back to his house. He just had to believe in Leonard like Lisa did. He was strong and could handle it. Ray just hoped it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some happiness finally. A whole day early too. Also I feel it's important to mention that the characters totally got away from me on this one. That kiss wasn't suppose to happen for another chapter or two. Damn it Raymond. 
> 
> Check out my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information and general Leonard Snart related screaming. 
> 
> Also check out my beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) as she is amazing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard sighed. “Is there something you needed, Raymond, or are you just here to mother me?” It was a deflection. He knew it just as much as he knew Ray knew it. But it didn’t stop him from trying.  
> Ray must have decided to let him have that one because instead of lecturing him some more, he answered the question. “I was hoping we could maybe talk? You know, about our last conversation?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happens after the end of episode ten and Mick and Len's fight.

Len was in so much pain that he was numb. He was barely listening to the little meeting being held with the rest of the team. He wasn’t even sure why he was there. It wasn’t like he was contributing. As soon as it was over, he exited the bridge and headed straight for his room. 

Before the door could slide closed, Raymond showed up in the doorway. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy,” Len spat out. 

“Okay, now I know you’re not.” Ray entered the room then, allowing the door to close behind him. “Then again, why would you be. You just got the crap beat out of you by your best friend.”

“I’m used to taking a beating.” Len sat down on his bed, slowly looking up at Ray. “What do you want, Raymond.”

“I know you must be in a lot of pain.” Ray ignored his question to ask one of his own, “Why don’t you go to Gideon?  She could heal you or at least give you painkillers.”

He shrugged, wincing when it aggravated the bruise on his back. “Don’t want to.” 

“And why not?” Ray but his hands on his hips, disapproval in his tone.

Leonard sighed. “Is there something you needed, Raymond, or are you just here to mother me?” It was a deflection. He knew it just as much as he knew Ray knew it. But it didn’t stop him from trying.

Ray must have decided to let him have that one because instead of lecturing him some more, he answered the question. “I was hoping we could maybe talk? You know, about our last conversation?”

Len frowned. He had suspected as much. They both had their time to think, having been separated for most of the mission. However, Len wasn’t sure he was ready for this conversation yet. It was bound to be mentally and emotionally taxing and he was already drained from his ‘conversation’ with Mick. “I don’t know.” 

Ray nodded. “How about you rest for a minute while I go get some supplies? We’ll talk after that.” And then he was gone, leaving Len to prepare for the upcoming conversation.

Carefully lowering himself to lie down on the bed, Len took a moment to process and organize all the facts. The number one thing he had to admit was that he did love Ray. At least he cared deeply for him. He was smart enough to know that denying it any longer would do him no good. Now he just had to decide if that outweighed all the negative factors. 

The main argument against him at the moment was his past. Raymond was a genuinely good man. Loyal to a fault and always serving a moral code. Raymond was a hero. Leonard was not. He was a thief and a murder, like stated many times before. He may have a code but it was hardly as moral as Ray’s. Leonard was definitely not a hero.

They were polar opposites. That in itself was damning. A relationship couldn’t possibly work well if they were constantly at odds, as it showed earlier in their mission to stop Per Degaton. They weren’t in sync. Not like Ray was with Saunders. At least they never had to argue over the morals of a mission. 

Ray returned, entering the room without knocking. Gideon had apparently decided it was acceptable to allow him entry even though Len had told her not to let anyone in unless he said so. In his arms were a few bottles of antiseptic, bruise ointment, and pain relievers which he dumped out on the bed as Len sat up.

Len raised an eyebrow. “What’s all this for?”

“Uh, your face?” Ray set about arranging the bottles and pulled a few cotton swabs from his pockets. “I figured if you were refusing to go to Gideon, I would bring Gideon to you.” He grinned. “Well not literally, because she’s an AI and already everywhere but I mean,”

“I know what you meant,” Len interrupted. “Why?”

“I don’t like seeing you hurt.” Ray shrugged, taking out a few of the pain pills and holding them out for Leonard to take. “Here. I’ll go get you a glass of water.” He left the room again, returning a moment later with some water.

Len looked up at him, making a conscious effort to keep his face blank. “I don’t suppose you’re going to let me refuse your help?” When Ray shook his head he let out a huff out, “figured,” before popping the pills in his mouth and taking a gulp of the water. “Happy?”

Ray gave him a smile. “Almost.” He pulled Leonard’s desk chair out so that he could sit in front of him. He then picked up the bottle of antiseptic and saturated a cotton swab before grabbing Len’s hand.

Len immediately pulled back. “What are you doing?”

Ray reached for his hand again, holding it firmly as he dabbed at his knuckles. “The skin on your knuckles has broken open. I’m just cleaning out the wounds.”

Len watched Ray in silence after that. He chose to observe the other’s face instead of dealing with the swirling emotions that came with learning Ray still wanted to take care of him. Once Ray had attended to every knuckle he released Len’s hands.

“There. Now we just have to do something about all those bruises.” He reached for the bruise ointment.

Leonard reached out his arm to place his hand on Ray’s, stopping him from picking it up. “The bruises are fine. Just leave it.”

Ray scoffed. “Over half of your face is purple and I’m sure there are more hidden beneath your clothing. It’s painful just to look at you.”

Len managed a smile, though it hurt to do so. “Then just don’t look.”

“I can’t do that,” he said softly, pulling his hand out from underneath Len’s, taking the ointment with it. He squeezed out a decent amount onto a swab and reached for Leonard’s face.

He grabbed Ray’s wrist before he could reach it. “Don’t.”

“Len you’ve got to let somebody help you.” When Leonard still didn’t release his arm, he continued with a sigh, “You were always so stubborn.”

“It’s one of my better qualities.” Len stared Ray down, not liking the idea of letting someone else touch his face. However, he had yet to gain immunity from the puppy dog look Ray sported as an actual face. With a sigh he released his arm. “Fine. But just the face.”

Ray looked surprised for a moment but then he grinned. “I’ll take what I can get.”

The next few minutes were silent once again. While Ray concentrated on gently covering the worst of the bruising, Len did his best to calm his heart. The close proximity was going to be the death of him. It seemed like hours had passed by the time Ray pulled back.

“You should really let me look at the rest of the bruises.” Ray stated as he set the ointment down. 

Len shifted uncomfortably. “I think I’ll pass.”

Ray frowned but must have accepted that Leonard was done with the touching for today. “If you insist.” That was the thing about Ray. Even though they were opposites, he knew how to handle Leonard, when to push and when to hold back. The only other person in his life who had that mastered was Lisa. It was more comforting than it should be. 

Ray set about cleaning up, throwing the cotton swabs away and placing the assorted bottles on Len’s desk. After everything was put away, he came back and sat in front of Len again. “So,” he dragged out the end of the word a tad bit longer than was necessary. “Are you feeling up for that talk.”

“I would like to say no,” Leonard drawled, hesitant to begin this portion of their conversation. 

“But?” Ray prodded.

“But,” Leonard stretched the word out and followed it with a pause. “I suppose we should talk.”

Ray let out a breath. “Good. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Me too,” he admitted quietly. 

Ray grinned. “I even talked to Kendra earlier. We uh,” he cleared his throat. “We even broke up so,” he trailed off.

That caught Len’s attention. “You told her about us?” 

“Oh! No,” He let out a nervous laugh. “No, nothing like that. Or well, no names were mentioned.”

Len narrowed his eyes. “What exactly do you mean.”

Taking a deep breath, Ray replied, “It was a mutual agreement. She realized that she was still in love with Carter and I told her I was still hung up on someone. She didn’t even ask who.”

Len nodded, taking a second to process the information. He had assumed Saunders wasn’t over her soulmate, what with destiny involved and all. “Can’t really compete with a centuries old love affair.” 

Ray nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but a decades old one is just as hard to compete against.” He was looking at Leonard with such meaning behind his eyes.

Len refused to meet his gaze. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“When are you going to allow yourself some happiness, Len?” There was a spark of anger beneath his words as irritation showed clearly on his face. “You don’t deserve to wallow in sorrow and self-pity forever just because you have a crappy past.”

Still refusing to look up, Len scoffed. “You don’t know what I have done.”

“I know enough.” Ray scowled. “You are a criminal. I know and understand this perfectly. I don’t care.”

“Do you understand that along with that label is murder?” Len scowled right back at him. “I’ve killed plenty of people in my life, Raymond. Possibly more than you have saved.”

“That sounds like an over exaggeration.” The fire was slowly dying down in Ray’s voice.

“It’s not.” Leonard knew he was pushing Ray away. He was actually actively trying to. With this in mind, he added, “I even killed my own father.”

Ray’s face became one of complete shock. “What?”

“Didn’t know about that one, did you?” Len smirked. His heart might ache at the idea of losing Ray, but he had to. It was for Ray’s own good. “I froze his heart almost a year ago.”

Ray was silent for a moment, eyebrows coming together in concentration. “What did he do to you?”

Len shrugged, ignoring the pain in his bruised muscles. “He was teaching us another lesson.” He spat out the last word with loathing. The very mention of the word brought back all the anguish he had felt over the years. Those lessons had shaped him into the man he was and while it had benefits, it was mostly horrible mental and physical abuse.

“He was still hurting you then?” There was an odd tone to Raymond’s voice that Len couldn’t quite place.

“There’s not a thing Lewis has ever done that wasn’t meant to hurt us in one way or another.” Leonard sneered. 

“What exactly did he do?” The tone was still tingeing Ray’s voice and making Len wonder if this was actually pushing him away.

“He put a bomb in my sister’s head so that I would help him on a heist.” Leonard shrugged. “Just a typical Lewis move.”

Now Leonard could tell what Raymond’s voice had been portraying as it was all over his face. Contempt. “It’s good that you killed him then otherwise I would kill him.”

Len snorted in disbelief. “You couldn’t kill a fly, let alone a man.”

“But I would kill him.” Ray stated, jaw clenched. “After all he put you and Lisa through when you were kids? And he was still ruining your lives when you were adults? Yeah, I would kill him.”

Len stared at him, not wanting to believe that Ray would throw his morals away on this. He couldn’t let himself believe that. It would interfere with his already flimsy resolve to push Raymond as far away from him as possible. 

Ray took a deep breath, releasing all his tension in an exhale until he no longer looked the part he said he would play. “Look, Len. I know you think I deserve better, but as I have said, I don’t want better. I want you.”

Len was tired of fighting against himself. Raymond had made it abundantly clear that he knew exactly what he was walking into and that he was walking into it willingly. He was too tired to come up with a counter argument, though he knew there were plenty. So instead of fighting back, he released a world weary sigh. “You know what. Fine.”

Ray looked at him, surprised. “What?”

“We can just agree to disagree,” he explained.

“Okay,” the word was drawn out and filled with confusion. “What exactly does that mean for us?”

“It means,” Len paused, allowing himself a moment to second guess his decision. He chose not to. “We can try this out. See where it goes.”

Len watched as the words sunk in, Raymond’s face slowly becoming more of an ecstatic grin rather than a confused frown. “Really?”

Len hesitated but still answered, “Yes.”

With a blinding grin, Ray quickly dove into a crushing hug causing Len to call out. Ray quickly released him, a horrified look on his face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Len took in a shaky breath, trying to will the pain away. “Don’t worry about it.”

Ray still looked a bit guilty as he asked, “So now that we have established that, where do we go from here.”

“That’s a good question.” One that Leonard didn’t have an answer to. They couldn’t exactly pick up where they left off. There were a lot of pent up feelings in that department that still needed to be hashed out. “We should probably take it slow.”

“So we won’t be making out tonight?” He grinned but when Leonard gave him a look as if to say ‘really?’ Ray quickly dropped it. “Right. Of course not.”

Leonard sighed, once again wondering what he was about to get himself into. “It’s probably best if we separate for tonight.” Noticing Ray starting to pout, Len added, “I need my beauty sleep after all.”

A look of realization came across his face. “Yes, of course.” Ray stood and made his way for the door. Pausing for a moment in the doorway, he looked back at Leonard to say, “Goodnight, Leonard.”

Leonard replied with a simple, “goodnight” as Ray left, the doors closing behind him. 

Leonard let out a long breath, rubbing his sore face with his hands. He wasn’t sure if he was up for this. While all the correct feelings were there, he couldn’t help but wonder if they were in the right mindspace for it. But it was too late now to go back. They would just have to see as they went along.

* * *

**_1990_ **

By the time Leonard arrived back at the Palmer household, two full days had passed. Within those two days, Leonard’s life had been shaken. He didn’t need a shrink to tell him he was traumatized. Anyone in their right minds would be.

He was shaking when he rang the bell for Ray’s home in spite of his efforts not to. He didn’t want to scare Lisa anymore than she already was. He also didn’t want Raymond to ask any more questions than normal. He couldn’t handle telling him any of it. 

The door swung open and he was quickly knocked back. Lisa had run out to him and now clung to his waist, hugging tightly. Soft cries of ‘Lenny’ were muffled by his clothing, yet he could still tell she was crying.”

Ray stood holding the door open. There was a relieved expression on his face. “I wasn’t sure you were coming back,” his voice was small, as if he didn’t really want to admit to it. 

Len did his best to give him a smile. He wasn’t sure he pulled it off. He turned his focus to Lisa, gently prying her arms off so that he could get down to her level. “I’m sorry for worrying you, Lis.” He looked up at Raymond. “For worrying both of you.”

Ray ushered them into the house before asking his questions. “Where were you? What happened?”

Len sent him a look over the top of his sister’s head who he had to pick up and carry in the door because she refused to let him go. “Later,” he mouthed so that Lisa wouldn’t hear. 

Ray frowned but nodded, no doubt understanding Len’s need to not worry his sister. Or at least, to not worry her even more. He knew he probably looked like shit. There were new bruises on his face and he knew his fatigue was most likely showing as well. It was nothing new to Lisa, but the fact that he refused to let her go as much as she refused to release her hold on him was telling. He needed her support.

Ray led them into the livingroom. “I’ll go heat up some tea.” Then he left the two of them alone.

Len sat down on the couch, Lisa in his lap. Their holds on each other had loosened but neither was willing to completely let go. Lisa sniffled as she pulled her face away from Len’s chest. “Lenny, are you okay?”

Len gave her a strained smile. “Okay as ever,” he replied as he used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe her tears away. 

Lisa nodded. It was sort of a code to them, after dealing with their father. It meant that while it may hurt in the moment, there would be no permanent damage. It was a lie they both have told over the years but was necessary to tell. They needed to reassure the other as well as try and fool themselves into believing it was true.

Ray came back into the room with two steaming mugs. He set them both on the end table by Leonard before going back for his own. Once he returned he sat by the siblings, a little closer than necessary but Leonard wasn’t going to complain. He welcomed the added comfort.

They sat in silence. Ray sipped at his tea while Len and Lisa comforted each other enough to start relaxing. It wasn’t too long that Lisa fell asleep on her brother. Len had an inkling that she hadn’t slept well the past few nights. He felt a little guilty for that.

Ray looked over once Lisa had nodded off. Len could see he wanted to interrogate him but was respecting his wishes to wait. Letting out a slow breath, Len began to move. Being careful not to wake her, Len got up and lied his sister back down on the couch. He sent Ray a look so he knew to follow him and then left to the sun room, sitting at the table.

It took Ray a few more minutes to follow him, most likely dropping his mug off in the kitchen. Though he could have been giving Leonard time to gather his thoughts and courage. Either way, he was grateful for it.

Ray took a seat by Len after entering the room. “So, are you up for telling me what happened?”

Len sighed, resting his head in his hands. “It’s,” he paused to gather his thoughts, “It’s not really something you’re going to want to talk about.”

Ray waited a moment before stating, “Lisa told me your dad probably made you work for him. What does he do?”

It was a question that Len had ignored up until that point. He supposed it was about time he answered it. “He’s a criminal. A thief, though I use that term loosely.” He pulled his head out of his hands to gage Ray’s reaction.

There was no surprise. Len had suspected that Ray figured that part out himself and only wanted confirmation. However, there was a hint of sorrow on the other teen’s face. “What does he make you do?”

Len shrugged. “A little of everything. He use to use me for my small size. I could get into the little spaces that adults couldn’t. But since I grew up he hasn’t needed me for that. This time it was just to carry the loot.”

Ray was taking all this in better than Leonard had thought he would. He had a serious look on his face but there was no contempt to be found. “Does Lisa,” the words trailed off into a question.

Len shook his head. “I wouldn’t allow it. Though I can’t say much for when I’ve been in juvie.”

“You’ve been to juvie?” There was surprise in his tone.

He was surprised himself. “Have you not been paying attention to the rumors around school?” There were plenty flying around, mostly thoughts on what he had done to get him there. Aggravated assault was currently the most popular one though he couldn’t tell why.

Ray shrugged. “I mean yeah, but I just thought they were rumors. No basis to them.”

“Well they’re true,” Len sighed. “I’ve been three times now.” He wasn’t sure why he was willingly supplying all this information. Maybe it had something to do with being too tired to care, or maybe it was because of his feelings for Raymond that he felt comfortable sharing. But that was something to analyze later. 

“What for?” Ray asked.

“Robbery mostly.” He didn’t want to admit that they were always because of his father. He suspected Raymond figured that out for himself anyways.

Ray watched him for a moment. “What happened this time?”

As forthcoming with information as he had been, Leonard wasn’t sure he could tell Ray this but he was weak to the look on Ray’s face. “Lewis got his timing wrong, again.” He winced, thinking back on it. It always meant that they were going to get caught or worse. This time it was worse.

“What does that mean?” Ray prodded.

“It means someone got shot,” Len stated bluntly, trying to separate himself from his emotions. “And this time they couldn’t just walk it off.”

There was a look of horror on Ray’s face. “Who?”

“A security guard.” Len watched him closely, waiting for the moment Ray got too disgusted with him. Maybe it was his desire to push Ray away that caused him to add, “He wanted me to shoot him.”

“Did you?” Ray asked, voice calm but face revealing his emotions.

“No,” he replied softly. He couldn’t stop the memory from coming back. He had been trying to block it out but eventually it always broke through. 

Lewis almost never got the timing right. It was one of the many reasons he tried to avoid getting caught up in his father’s heists. Someone died every time that happened. Normally it was up to Lewis or one of his crew to do the shooting but this time he wanted Len to do it as one of his so called lessons. Len couldn’t do it and had earned himself a hit to the face and a few choice words about his usefulness. 

“That’s good then,” Ray replied rather lamely. 

Len looked at him, not understanding how the other could still want to talk to him. “But I tried.” He had held the gun his father gave him in his hand and pointed it at the guard. His battle with what little morals he had left was the only thing stopping him. That hesitation was when his father struck.

“But you didn’t do it.” Ray said firmly. “It says a lot that you didn’t.”

Len let out a breathy laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

“Look, Len.” Ray sighed. “It was a shitty situation. You were forced into it and even if you had,” he hesitated, “Killed him, it wouldn’t have been your fault.” 

“I don’t get you.” Len shook his head, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face. “How can you just roll with this like it’s nothing.”

“Because I know you.” Ray smiled reassuringly. “You’re not a bad guy, Len.”

Len laughed. “You see something in me then that I don’t even see.”

“Well then I’ll just have to see for the both of us,” he stated.

“That’s not cheesy,” Len grinned. Usually only Lisa could pull him out of the moods Lewis left him in but Ray could do a pretty good job too. “Thank you, Raymond.”

Ray grinned back. “Anytime.”

Len still wasn’t okay. He most likely would never be with a father like Lewis. But in this moment, Ray made it possible to believe that one day he could. That was enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually finished it, yay! And I made it to Germany with no problem so double yay! I don't know whether I can keep the updating regular with all the stuff we'll be doing and even if I can I won't be able to update on the weekends. So it might get a little choppy with the updates for the next three months. I'll still try to get as many chapters in as I can but I cannot promise much.
> 
> As always, follow me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information and fights with my beta [Mimi.](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) It's a blast, though I'm not sure how often I'll be on. I like to keep you all in the loop though!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a huff of laughter from behind Ray and he turned to look as Hex approached them. “You two are more obvious than a wolfer in a bit house.”  
> “What?” Ray questioned. For all his knowledge of westerns, this one was new to him.  
> “How long y’all been callin’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo! Long time no post am I right? Better late than never though.
> 
> The present part of this chapter is a partial rewrite of the scene in episode eleven after the team captures Stillwater but loses Jax in the process.

“Where is Stillwater?” Stein was infringing on frantic, which Ray couldn’t blame him for. Jax being held hostage and all. 

“He’s knocked out cold in the medbay.” Ray said, pacing around the the console. He was trying to remain calm himself.

“Well, this is a simple matter. We trade Stillwater for Jefferson as Mr. Hex suggested.”

“It’s not that simple,” Ray implored. He was starting to become exasperated with the issue as well which was making him just the slightest bit hostile. “ If we release Stillwater we’re back to square one and the town is still in danger.” 

“So is the kid.” Len’s tone mirrored Ray’s. He was angry, as if he really thought Ray would leave Jax to fend for himself.

“And we’ll figure out a way to get him back without releasing Stillwater.” This was quickly turning into a full blown argument and Ray wasn’t sure how to prevent it.

“I got a notion.” Hex called out from his spot in the corner. “Set up a quick draw. You win, you get your guy back. You lose, you release Stillwater.” He explained as he stepped towards their group.

“And by lose you mean...?” Stein questioned.

“Get shot and killed.” Len still sounded angry. Ray could say he felt the same. This whole situation was less than ideal.

“Oh, great,” Stein through his hands up in exasperation, “Pistols at high noon.”

“Finally, someone’s talking sense.” Mick stated.

“There has to be another way, a better way.” Stein insisted.

“Sure.” Hex explained as he walked past their group to stand by Rip. “Go after Stillwater with all your gear from the future. I don’t know how that’ll sit with your captain, though.”

Rip hummed, looking to Hex, “Let’s assume it’s a bad idea.”

“So who’s standing in the middle of Main Street?” Mick asked.

“I’ll do it.” Ray stated immediately.  

“Raymond, now is not the time to indulge your cowboy fantasies.” Stein emphasised. 

“No one else is stepping forward. Plus I’m a decent shot,” Ray sighed, thinking about it.  “at least I was with an air rifle.”

Snart snorted. “Okay now I definitely can’t stay quiet. I’ll do it.”

Ray scrunched his face up, slightly offended by the way he said it. “What? No.”

Leonard pushed off the chair he was leaning against, showing how serious he was. “I’m a way better shot than you could ever be. Who was it that saved your ass earlier?”

“And I appreciate that but I’m the sheriff. It should be me.” There was no way he was putting Len in harm’s way. The man still looked like a walking, talking bruise. 

“I’m not going to let you get yourself killed over some moral high ground.” Len growled out.

Ray opened his mouth to protest. He wasn’t going to let Len kill himself any more than Len was going to let him. Before he could, Rip interrupted them.

“I can’t believe you’re encouraging this.” Rip stated to Hex before turning and walking into his office.

“You know it’s the only way.” Hex replied.

“They’re going to to get themselves killed.”

“I think you forfeited your right to an opinion when you refused to leave the ship since we’ve been here.” Ray couldn’t stand by and let Rip lord over them when he has spent the last two days holed up on the ship. He didn’t know what was going on. He had no right to an opinion.

“I had good reason.” Rip insisted.

“Because of Calvert?” Stein prompted.

“Yes, but not in the way you think. Leaving calvert, leaving this” Rip paused, looking to Hex, “era is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”

“And why is that, Captain?” Len asks, a smirk in his tone as much as it was on his face. It was as if he knew something.

Rip sent him a look. “A Time Master is trained to do his work without interference, which means not helping people or being a hero.” He looked down, holding an arm out towards Ray as he stated an example, “But as you’ve seen, Dr. Palmer, this era offers many opportunities for heroism. I found it,” he paused, turning from them as if he was admitting something he kept secret for too long, “enticing.”

“And you still managed to leave.” Hex turned completely towards Rip and took a few steps towards him. His tone made Ray feel like they were encroaching on something private between the two of them. “Something’s been bugging me all these years. If you’d have known what Turnbull was going to do to Calvert, would you have left?”

Rip was silent for a moment before turning back to face the other. “That’s the thing, Jonah. I did know.”

Hex wasted no time in punching Rip in the face, the time master falling back into the chair with a pained shout. Ray winced in sympathy even if he felt it was called for.

Rip seemed to agree, “I deserved that.” 

“You deserve a lot worse.” Hex growled out, finger pointed in accusation at Rip. “You knew, and you still left?”

“Of course I knew. I was a Time Master.” Rip replied, pushing himself up from the chair. “And therein lay the problem. Like Raymond, like Martin, I felt the pull of heroism, of this era’s penchant for being rife with opportunities to make a difference. That is one of the things that called to me and that is why I had to leave.” His tone was imploring, like he truly wanted Hex to understand his reasoning. Ray believed he was starting to understand what it was Len seemed to have spotted a while ago. “Because had I stayed… I could no longer have remained a Time Master.”

Rip and Hex held eye contact for a while before Rip looked away and stated, “But I’m no longer a Time Master. Which is why I will face Stillwater.”

“Wait. I said that I would do it.” Ray stepped forward, insistent though he wasn’t completely sure why.

“And I said that I would do it.” Len echoed his steps.

“It’s appreciated,” Rip interrupted what would no doubt turn into another fight, “but I’d rather you both stayed alive.” He turned back to Hex, “Send word to Stillwater’s posse. I believe high noon is in less that three hours.” Rip left then, his departure being a silent disbandment of the meeting. 

“I’ll go report to the Stillwater gang.” Mick stated and then added quietly, “Anything to get off this ship.”

Martin still seemed unhappy but he turned and left as well, leaving Ray with Hex and Leonard. 

Len turned as if to leave but Ray stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He waited for the other man to turn back towards him. “What was that all about?”

“What was what all about?” Len’s tone was light. He was playing dumb, knowing that Ray could see through it.

“You putting yourself forward for the showdown.” Ray replied in a no nonsense tone. “Why?”

Len frowned. “I could ask you the same thing. Why did you insist on doing it?”

There was a huff of laughter from behind Ray and he turned to look as Hex approached them. “You two are more obvious than a wolfer in a bit house.”

“What?” Ray questioned. For all his knowledge of westerns, this one was new to him.

“How long y’all been callin’?” There was amusement in Hex’s voice which was a little off putting to Ray. 

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Len stated, crossing his arms.

Hex chuckled. “Fine by me. Just don’t let it innerfere with what we all are tryin ta do here.”

Ray’s mouth dropped open. “Wait are you? How did you know?”

Len rolled his eyes as Hex replied, “I have some experience in noticin certain attractions.”

“Like with you and Rip.” Len stated, confirming what Ray had thought earlier.

All amusement dropped from Hex’s face. “I see you have some experience with that as well.”

“Like they say,” Len replied, “Takes one to know one.”

“So you and Rip are… what? Together?” Ray asked, wanting to make sure he had all the facts right.

Hex shook his head. “Once upon a time we spent a few nights together.”

“I thought as much.” Len stated.

“But that was in the past. Before he left without sayin nothin.” Anger started to lace into his voice.

“Sounds eerily familiar,” Ray looked to Len, thinking about how their shared past sounded a lot like Rip’s and Hex’s.

Len frowned at the silent accusation. “He gave you his reasoning.”

“Which is more than what some get,” Ray huffed under his breath, earning him a sharp look from Leonard.

Hex looked between the two of them. “I reckon you two have a past as well?”

Ray nodded as Len replied, “Something like that.”

“And y’all were able to move past it?” 

Ray looked to Len who seemed irritated with this conversation. “Kind of?” Ray responded. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

“And why not? The past isn’ somethin you should ignore.” Hex stated. “If anything it shoulda been the first thing y’all talked about.”

“Because it’s none of your business,” Len growled out. “The past is where it belongs.”

Hex shook his head. “Doesn’ sound like a sturdy foundation to me.”

Ray frowned silently agreeing with Hex. However, this was more for a private conversation between him and Len. He decided it was best to change the subject. “What about you and Rip? You’ve already talked about your past. Think there’s something there?”

Hex sighed. “No. He’s on a mission to save his wife and son. That says everythin’ I need to know.”

Ray nodded. He got it. Rip and Hex’s relationship was complicated more by that fact. Ray couldn’t help but think that there was something more to the looks Rip shared with Hex still. “You know his son is named after you.” Both Len and Hex looked at him with surprise. Ray felt a bit proud at figuring out something before Leonard did. 

“What?” Hex asked.

“Rip named his son Jonas. It may not be exact but I believe the sentiment is there.” Ray shrugged. 

Hex was silent for a moment. “I didn’t know.”

“It seems you two have a bit more to talk about before you completely toss the idea of a relationship aside.” Ray stated.

“It seems you may be right,” Hex agreed. “Excuse me.” He left then. Ray hoped it was to find Rip and settle a few things. But as the saying went, ‘you could lead a horse to water…’

Len still seemed a bit irritated when Ray turned to him. “I hope it all works out for them.”

“Do you think you may be projecting a little bit?” Len asked, glaring at Ray.

Ray shrugged, slightly irritated now as well. “He’s not wrong. We have to talk about the past sometime.”

“I thought you said the past didn’t matter.” Len snapped.

Ray frowned, trying to remember when he had said that. Then it came to him. “I said your past didn’t matter. Our shared past does. It’s a fracture that needs to be repaired otherwise this relationship is bound to break.”

“Very poetic,” Len huffed.

“I’m serious, Len. I need to know what happened. I thought we were fine but the next thing I knew you took Lisa and disappeared.” 

“It was a bit more complicated than that.” 

“Then explain it to me.” Ray exclaimed, throwing his arms up in frustration. “Because I sure as hell don’t get it.”

Len winced when Ray yelled. “It’s… complicated.”

“Yeah. You mentioned that once already.” Ray stated sharply. “It isn’t a reason.”

Len sighed, uncrossing his arms. “I had to protect Lisa, Raymond.”

“We could have protected her together. We were doing a great job until you disappeared on me.” Ray shook his head. “I don’t get it. Why couldn’t you just follow the plan.”

“Because the plan would have never worked.” Len exclaimed, turning to walk away. “You didn’t know my father like I do.”

“Then why did you go along with it? Unless you knew from the beginning that you were going to leave me.” When Leonard remained silent, Ray reiterated, “Did you know?”

Len turned back to Ray, remaining silent but it was all the answer Ray needed.

“You did.” Ray’s anger appeared in his voice and the volume as it rose with each word. “You knew the entire time and you just let me believe that we,”

“What’s going on?” 

Ray paused mid-yell to turn and look at the doorway. Sara and Kendra were slowly walking into the room, looking between the two of them. He’s sure it made for a confusing sight; Ray red-faced and shouting at Leonard who actually looked a bit remorseful. 

“Nothing.” Len stated giving Ray the opportunity to collect himself. 

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Sara stated, a knowing look on her face. 

Len glared at her. “Well it is.”

Ray was too angry to pretend it is what it isn’t and stormed out of the room, Kendra calling after him. He didn’t slow down for her but she eventually caught up to him halfway to his room. 

“Ray, what was that?” She was huffing a bit, having exerted herself trying to catch up to him.

He was a bit winded as well. He had rushed from the room after all and his pace hadn’t slowed. “Nothing apparently.”

“It clearly isn’t nothing. I haven’t seen you this angry since…” She paused. Understanding was dawning on her face. “Is he…?”

Ray frowned, looking away from her. He had a feeling he knew what she had just realized but he wasn’t ready to admit it. Remaining silent, he forced her to ask.

“Is he the person you said you still loved?”

Ray closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes.”

Kendra was silent for a moment. “I thought it was Anna. Or Felicity. I didn’t even know you were,” She paused so Ray continued for her.

“Bi? Yeah I am. It’s not something I’ve ever felt I had to explain.”

“And you don’t,” Kendra said, quick to show that she understood that at least. “But Snart? That I don’t get.”

“It’s a long story,” Ray sighed, “and high noon is in two hours.”

Kendra shrugged. “So give me the cliff notes. Like when did this happen.”

“We went to high school together. That’s where it started.” At her surprised face he chuckled. “Yeah, it’s not something we wanted to announce to the whole team. Especially since that didn’t end every well.” 

Kendra’s voice was soft as she asked, “What happened?”

Ray shrugged. “I don’t know. He won’t tell me the whole story.” He frowned. “Probably because he doesn’t want to admit fault now that we’re trying this again.”

Kendra frowned in confusion. “So wait. Are you guys together now?”

“Yes,” he paused, “No? I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

Kendra smiled and reached for his hand to squeeze it comfortingly. “Listen, Ray. You don’t have to go into it now, or ever, with me. But I’m here if you need me.”

He smiled at her. “Thanks, Kendra. But I think I just need some time alone to think.”

She nodded. “Alright. Just don’t over think it.”

He laughed. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good. I’ll leave you to it then.” She gave his hand one last reassuring squeeze before leaving him alone with his thoughts. And boy did he have a lot to sort through.

* * *

**_1990_ **

Ray couldn’t believe what a monster Lewis Snart was. He knew the man was abusing his kids physically at least. The bruises on their skin was testament to that. However this level of psychological abuse was something Ray only thought was possible of the villains in his comic books. He never felt such strong hatred for anyone until the moment Len retold his father’s actions with such deadness in his eyes.

Ray couldn’t say his family was perfect but he knew they were better than this. He wanted to do something for the Snart siblings, something beyond useless encouragements that they would be alright. The fact is they might not be, and Ray couldn’t stand by and let that happen. That’s why after he had made sure Len was comforted somewhat, he broached the subject.

“We have to do something about your father.”

Len tensed up. “What?”

Ray clenched his fists. “I can’t just sit by and let this happen to you anymore.”

Len shook his head, reaching out to lay a hand on Ray’s shoulder. “This isn’t your fight Ray. We can handle ourselves.”

“I know,” Ray replied, looking up at Leonard. “I know you both are strong, but… You just shouldn’t have to go through this.”

“It isn’t fair, that’s for sure.” Len sighed. “But it isn’t something you should worry about.”

“That itself isn’t fair. Of course I’m going to worry about you.” Ray huffed out a laugh. “How could you think I wouldn’t.”

Len looked surprised as he pulled back his hand. “Why do you care so much?”

“Isn’t it obvious.” He held Len’s gaze for a moment and then continued. “I care about you.” He then hastily added, “I care for you both.”

Len stared at him as if he was contemplating something. “You care for everyone. Even strangers.”

“Yeah, so imagine how much I care about you.” Again he had to quickly add, “Both of you.”

Len smiled. “It’s different.”

Ray’s heart pounded, wondering if Len had figured him out. “What is?”

“Feeling cared about.”

And Ray’s pounding heart broke at that. “You have to have someone who loves you.”

Len shrugged. “Our Grandfather cares for us I suppose. But he’s older now. Not much time left for love there. And I suppose my probation officer cares in a way, but that isn’t love.” Len shrugged again. “I guess Mick, but it’s more complicated than that.”

Ray’s heart had completely broken. “Well then I’ll just have to love you both enough for all those who should.”

Len laughed. “You’ll burn yourself out trying to love so much.”

“You’re worth it.” Ray stated, looking him dead in the eye so that he would understand. All his life Len had been lacking love and praise. Ray would be damned if he wouldn’t make sure he knew he was worth loving from this day on.

“You don’t mean that.” Len laughed. “Nobody is worth all your love.”

“You are.” Ray reiterated. He held Len’s gaze again, hoping to portray all the honesty of his words in that look.

Len seemed taken aback by the sureness of Ray’s statement. They were both silent for a moment, neither one looking away.

“Sometimes I wonder how we managed to meet you.”

This conversation was approaching territory he wasn’t sure they should breach. So Ray laughed and changed the tone of the conversation, “You pretended you were dumb so the principal decided you needed the best tutor in the school.”

Len rolled his eyes. “Never mind.”

Ray grinned and got up from the table. “Are you hungry? We ate before you got here but I can make you something.”

Len nodded, also getting up from the table. “Yeah, but I can make it myself. Don’t worry about it.”

“How about we tag team it?” Ray suggested. “It’s the best I can offer.”

Len snorted. “Yeah, I suppose I can deal with that.” 

Ray grinned. “Alright. What are you hungry for?”

“What’s the quickest thing to make?” He asked, opening the fridge to look for ingredients. 

Ray hummed, looking through the cabinets. “What about pancakes?” He pulled the box from the cabinet to show Len.

“Are they quick?”

“Relatively?” He shrugged. “They’re filling though, if you’re really hungry.” 

“That’ll work then.” Len shut the fridge after pulling out a few eggs and butter. 

Nodding, Ray pulled out a few bowls and a pan. “Alright, first step. Heat the butter in the pan.”

Len nodded, following Ray’s instructions. “Pan and butter, check.”

Ray hummed in approval. “Okay now we just have to mix the ingredients. How many are we making anyways? How hungry are you?”

Len shrugged. “Eh, all.”

“All?” Ray asked.

“Yep. All the pancakes.” Len smirked.

“That’s not a measurement.” Ray sighed, but grabbed the largest bowl he set out. 

“Sure it is.” Len moved to grab a measuring cup for the water. “It means all.”

Ray rolled his eyes, measuring out the powder. “Well you’re only getting what fits in this bowl.”

“Eh, fair.” Len shrugged. “How much water?”

Ray finished his measuring and began cracking the eggs into the bowl. “Three cups.”

Len set about filling up the water, carefully bringing it over to the bowl in front of Ray. Ray watched him pour, shaking his head. “This is going to be way too many pancakes.”

Len grinned. “I know.”

Ray laughed, handing Leonard the whisk. “Just for that, you can mix it.” Still grinning Len grabbed the wish to stir. “And make sure you go counter clockwise, you know, the opposite way a clock goes.”

Len rolled his eyes but started stirring in that direction. “I know what counter clockwise means, Raymond. And why does it have to be that way.”

Ray cleared his throat as if he was about to give a long speech. “Well you see, it breaks up the egg yolks perfectly and gives optimum mixing potential. It’s perfect for,”

Len didn’t wait for him to finish the speech before he flicked a whisk full of batter at Ray’s face. It hit its mark, efficiently shutting Ray up. Len burst out into laughter at the shocked look on the other’s face.

After getting over the shock, swiping a finger through the batter on his face to look at Ray asked, “What was that for.”

Len collected himself enough to speak. “For being a smart ass.”

Ray frowned and made a quick grab for the bowl, flinging a handful of batter at Len and successfully covering the side of his face. This time they both ended up laughing and soon they were tossing batter back and forth between them until the bowl was empty. Both them and the kitchen were a mess by the time they stopped, collapsing on the floor in fits of giggles.

Len collected himself first. “Your parents are going to be so pissed.”

Ray proceeded his response with a few last chuckles, “Nah, they’ll be okay. We’ll just clean it up before they see the damage.”

Reaching up behind him, Len grabbed a towel and began to wipe his face off. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ray laughed. “You were the one who started it.”

Len grinned at him, face mostly clear of batter. “I know.” He handed the towel over to Ray. “But it looks like pancakes are out of the equation.”

Their fingers brushed as Ray took the towel from Len. He watched the other as he began wiping the batter off his own face. Len was chuckling at his own joke and Ray couldn’t compare this happy teen to the broken one he had seen just hours ago. It was remarkable what crap Len could handle and still find the energy to smile and act like an actual kid. 

Maybe it was that wonder and amazement that led Ray to lean in and kiss Len. All the emotions he had been holding back burst out and led him to this moment. 

Ray had pictured this moment a few times since his revelation. He thought it would be magical like they showed in the movies and the sitcoms his mom watched in the afternoons. A life changing event. This kiss wasn’t that.

Len had frozen the minute Ray had begun to lean in and didn’t move until Ray had pulled back. Ray immediately began to think the worst and whenever that happened, he fell back on his one true talent; rambling. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry. I just, I got caught up in the moment and,”

After the initial shock of being suddenly kissed mid-ramble, their second kiss was much more like what Ray had envisioned. Len initiated it and quickly dissuaded all the doubt Ray had. It wasn’t magical, like the movies, but it was something purely them that it almost seemed that way to Ray.

They both pulled back at the same time, slow grins crossing their faces. “So,” Ray said after only seconds of silent eye contact. “I take it you reciprocate my feelings then?”

Len laughed. “You could say that.”

“What happened in here?”

Len and Ray quickly put some more space between them, looking at the entrance to find a grinning Lisa. Len cleared his throat, getting up from the ground. “A batter monster exploded.” He held out his hand to help Ray up.

Ray couldn’t help the enormous grin on his face as he took Len’s offered hand. “A giant one.”

Lisa giggled. “Batter monsters aren’t real.”

Len widened his eyes comically. Dramatically he stated. “You weren’t there Lis. You don’t know.” Ray nodded his head along solemnly. 

“I don’t think so.” Lisa laughed. “You both are just being silly.”

Len exchanged a look with Ray, reaching for a batter puddle near him. Ray caught on to his intentions and copied his movements. “Oh are we? Who’s to say the batter monster won’t come back?”

Ray raised his hands, covered in batter. “They say these monsters love to capture little girls.”

Lisa laughed. “No!”

“Too late!” Len grabbed his sister, covering her arms in batter while Ray wiped his hands on her face. “He got you!” All three of them collapsed with laughter. All previous horrors, every bad thing that they put up with was forgotten in this moment. Chased away by happy laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry it's been so long. Europe was amazing and I was so sad to leave even though I was so busy. Jet lag also kicked my ass this week but I pushed through to deliver this to you all! I hope it was worth a three month wait...
> 
> Also I may write a Rip/Hex one-shot to accompany this chapter if you all are interested. I'm a sucker for some time master, cowboy romance.
> 
> Anyways, if you don't already, feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information. And as always, thanks to my beta [Mimi!](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) If it wasn't for her you guys wouldn't have such a coherent chapter to read.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray cleared his throat, no doubt trying to clear some of the awkwardness surrounding them as well. “How’s Lisa?”  
> “Just as annoying as ever,” he replied, also trying to ignore the awkwardness in the air. Ray laughed and tried to move past him. Len was quick to stop him. “Raymond, we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place right after the Pilgrim is killed in episode 12 and continues to be a sort of rewrite for the scene Ray and Kendra have afterwards.

Once the Pilgrim was vaporized, the team had been quick to release their families. Len watched as first Martin and then Sara were reunited with wife and father respectively and then ushered them away onto the ship. Anna Loring was the third one to be released. Ray hesitated going to her side. When he did, it was without looking at Len. 

Leonard tried not to take offence. They hadn’t really had time to talk since the Hex fiasco in Salvage. Rather, there had been time to talk, but Len had been avoiding it. He still firmly believed that the past should remain in the past. There was no need to stir up old ghosts.

Mick turned to him once Ray and his future dead fiancee were back on the ship. “Awkward,” he stated as he pressed the button for Lisa to be released. Len just rolled his eyes, ignoring the comment in favor of watching his sister’s form appear.

Lisa was facing away from Len, towards Mick. Before Len could approach or call out to her, she reached forward and hugged Mick. “Micky! I’m so glad to see you.”

As Mick hugged her back, slightly surprised as he always was when ambushed by her hugs,  Len smiled and asked, “And what about me?” He waited until she turned around to ask, “Are you not happy to see your own brother?”

Lisa’s face was surprised, which at first didn’t seem out of place. However, the longer she stared the more suspicious it got. Len knew something was definitely wrong when she started to tear up and quietly asked, “Lenny?” before rushing him for a hug.

Len flinched as his sister collided with him, squeezing him tight like she would never let him go.. Holding her back he asked, “What’s wrong, Lis?”

She pushed back, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “They told me you were dead.”

Len frowned, a chill spreading down his spine. He had personally made sure his sister knew he was leaving with Rip to prevent this. Only people who knew about time travel could convince her otherwise. Anger filled him as he asked, “Who told you that?” He would personally freeze them alive.

She stepped back from him, wiping her eyes. “Mick and Ray. They said you sacrificed yourself.” 

Something clicked in Len’s mind as Mick asked, “What is she talking about?”

“Let’s just get her on the ship.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her onto the Waverider and through it into his room. He got rid of Mick on the way after promising with a lie  to tell him everything later.

As soon as his sister was settled on his bed, he asked in the most neutral tone he could manage in this particular situation, “Lis, what year are you from?”

Lisa sat cross legged on the bed, arms wrapped around her. “2017.” Her voice was small and barely strong enough for him to hear. 

Len closed his eyes, letting his head fall back as his suspicions were confirmed. He had assumed something would have happened to him after the conversation he had with Cronos-Mick. He just hadn’t expected it to have happened so soon. He had hoped it wouldn’t happen at all. 

Lisa let him stay silent for a moment but eventually asked, “You’re from before then, aren’t you.” He remained silent so she asked again, with more force, “Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” He replied simply. 

“So you’re still going to die?” Her voice broke on the last word, tears beginning to fall again.

Len moved to sit down beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his side. “Most likely,” he replied in a gentle tone, trying to comfort her while also coming to terms with something he had only just begun to suspect. There really was no way to find comfort in this matter anyways.

“But you know now. So you can stop it,” She stated, taking on a more determined tone, yet it was not as strong as her usual tone when she was being stubborn and sure to get her way.

Len replied with the one truth they had all learned on this mission, “Time wants to happen, Lis. I don’t know if I can stop it.” How he hated that phrase.

“Just tell me you’ll try.” She pulled away from him. “Promise me that if you think you’re going to die you’ll leave.” She added quietly, “Promise me you will come back to me.”

Len had to swallow back the emotions riding up as he looked at her. He knew this was something he couldn’t promise. The mission they were on was dangerous. The entire team could die as far as he knew. Except, Lisa had said Mick and Ray told her about his death. “So you know about Ray.”

“Yes, I know about Ray. Now don’t change the subject, you ass.” She punched him on the shoulder. “I’ll get the details after you promise.”

“I don’t know if I can promise you this,” he stated truthfully. “I can’t see the future.”

“Just say you promise,” Lisa pleaded with him. “Even if you don’t really mean it, I need to hear it.”

“I promise,” It was a lie but one he gave only because she had to hear it. He supposed she knew it was a lie as well, but even then the comfort of words could go a long way. “I promise to come back to you.” 

Lisa gave him a small smile, replying with a firm, “good.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeves and sniffed. “Now tell me about you and Ray. He told me you traveled through time together.”

Len smiled back at her, relishing in the change of subject. “Yeah, imagine our surprise.”

She laughed. “Mick said it’s why you took the job.”

He narrowed his eyes. “That was not a conversation to be repeated.” He vowed to kick Mick’s ass later, even if the man didn’t know what it was for.

“But it was,” she grinned and then continued as if she was one hundred percent sure she was right, “and it’s true too.”

“Yes,” Len sighed finally admitting it to himself as well as Lisa. Really there could be no more denying it, especially in the face of his sister. Besides Mick, she was the best at seeing through all his bullshit. 

“And you got back together,” she continued her assured statement.

“That’s,” He drawled out, pausing to find the right words, “a little complicated right now.”

Lisa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?” Her face relaxed as if she realized the answer to her own question. “What did you do?”

Len rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. He took slight offence to her accusation. “Why does it have to be me?”

“Do you really have to ask that?” Lisa leveled him with a look as if ‘sister always knows best’. 

“Fine,” he relented after a moment of holding each other’s glares. “I refused to have a conversation about what happened in the past.”

She took a moment before simply stating, “That’s stupid, stupid.”

“Excuse me?” He asked.

“You should just tell him.” She shrugged as if it was the simplest solution in the world. “I mean what harm can it do?”

“There’s no point in dragging that past here,” he stated pointedly. “There’s a reason it’s called the past; it has  _ passed _ ,” he put emphasis on the last word, determined to get his point across. “It’s history. I don’t want to think about it.”

“You mean you don’t want to have to think about how you were wrong.” Lisa smirked, hitting a mark he refused to see as true. “You were wrong and you would have to admit it after years of convincing yourself you weren’t. Am I right?”

Len stayed silent, his sister giving him time to process. He knew the moment she said it that she was right, which was more than a little irritating. Then again, Lisa had always been smarter than him when it came to his relationships. “I suppose,” he finally admitted.

She looked smugly at him. “So go apologize.”

He tried making an excuse, “I’m suppose to be making sure that you’re okay and that you forget everything that’s happened.” No matter how right his sister was, he was still a prideful bastard. 

“You and I both know that isn’t going to happen.” She grinned. “I’m fine. Now go.”

Len rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright.” He turned to take his leave, waiting to smile until after he had turned away from her. “Later, kid.”

“Jerk!” She called after him, smile in her voice. “And bring Ray here afterwards. I want to say hi!” 

He raised a hand in parting to show that he heard her but refused to reply. As soon as he was around the corner though he paused, remembering that Ray was with Anna. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to interrupt. 

Lucky for him, Ray exited his room then, nearly running into him. “Oh, Len.” He looked startled at nearly running him over and a tense silence fell between them for a moment. “How’s uh,” He cleared his throat, no doubt trying to clear some of the awkwardness surrounding them as well. “How’s Lisa?”

“Just as annoying as ever,” he replied, also trying to ignore the awkwardness in the air. Ray laughed and tried to move past him. Len was quick to stop him. “Raymond, we need to talk.”

Ray turned to face him, frowning and not truly looking at him. “What is there to talk about?”

“I uh,” he hesitated, that pride getting in the way again. “I owe you an apology.”

“For?” He looked at him fully now, curiosity in his gaze. 

“Before.” When Ray just stared at him, he elaborated, “With Hex.” Len sighed. “Though I suppose also for in the past.”

Ray’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you actually going to tell me what happened?”

Len remained silent for a moment, second guessing his sister’s advice. “I made a call,” he started slowly, drawing out the words like he was giving each one of them considerable thought. “I chose to protect you by staying away from you.”

“I figured as much,” Ray stated after taking a moment. “You had mentioned before. I had just thought telling you that I was willing to risk it would have been enough for you.”

“You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into,” Len tried explaining it in a way Ray would get it. “Lewis would have killed you if he ever found out who you were.”

“He wouldn’t have,” Ray started, only to get interrupted. 

“Yes. He would.” His words were sharp, meant to pierce through Ray’s thick skull and maybe get him to understand. “My father would have had no problem putting you in the hospital.”

Ray shuddered slightly at his words. “Maybe. But it’s not like he could have figured it out.”

“He knew about us, Raymond.” Len never wanted to tell Ray that. He knew he wasn’t stupid and could easily imagine the way Lewis had reacted and then he would feel guilty even though it wasn’t his fault. Len didn’t want to put that on Ray but he needed him to understand. “He found out. If he was able to do that, he could have figured out who you were. I was protecting you.”

Emotions flickered across Ray’s face, settling on anger. “I really hate your father.”

“Yeah, me too,” Len muttered. “So are we good?”

Ray looked at him and sighed, anger receding into something much calmer. “I think so.”

Len smiled, “Good.” He thought about telling Ray about Lisa’s request but he didn’t want her to warn Ray about the future. That was his burden to carry.

Ray pulled him in for a quick kiss. “We should probably get back to the bridge. Find out the new plan.”

“Probably.” Len shrugged before pulling Ray into another kiss. Smirking he asked, “But what’s the rush?”

* * *

**_1990_ **

“She’s not going to bite,” Ray was laughing at him.

Len scowled. “You obviously haven’t met her if you really think she wouldn’t.”

“But she’s so sweet,” Ray replied. Of course he would think that. Lisa had him under her thumb.

“She’s blinded you to her wicked ways,” he explained, maybe a bit too dramatically.

Ray rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous. Would you like me to go with you? Hold your hand through it?” 

“No,” Len replied firmly, wincing as he pictured Lisa’s reaction to that. “That would only make it worse.”

“Then just go talk to her,” he said with a smug smile on his face. “Honestly, who would have thought. Big bad Leonard Snart afraid of a nine year old.”

“She’s not a nine year old,” he said before changing his voice into a conspiratorial whisper, “She’s a demon.”

“Oh my god,” Ray laughed shaking his head. “She’s your sister and she loves you. Now just go talk to her.”

Groaning Len finally opened the door to the outside, but not before stealing a kiss from Ray. “Remember me.” 

“ _ Oh my god _ .” Ray’s laughter followed him as he stepped out into the yard.

Len smirked, having successfully dramatized his way to making Ray laugh. His smile fell however as he approached Lisa whose full attention was on the dogs she was playing with. 

Ray was right, at least to some extent. Lisa was no threat to him, beyond her crushing hugs and sharp sass. He was suppose to be telling her about his and Ray’s relationship and he knows she will be happy for him. However, he was dreading the part where she asked for details. Especially for when it happened. 

It has been two weeks since The Kitchen Fiasco of 1990 as Lisa and Ray have taken to calling it. Since then Len and Ray have decided to keep their relationship quiet, not wanting to jinx it. Plus, they were trying to figure everything out. Honestly, they still were, but they have finally decided to label it a relationship. 

So now it was time to tell Lisa. She wasn’t going to be too happy about them waiting so long to tell her. Especially when she finds out how they got together. 

“Hey, squirt,” he called out.

She stopped mid-throw with a ball to turn and glare at him. “What do you want, Bigfoot.” 

Len grinned, stopping at the lawn chairs. “Come here a sec. I got something you’re going to want to hear.”

She groaned but threw the ball and headed up to the chairs, not bothering to watch the two golden retrievers race after it. “Unless it involves a tub full of ice cream I don’t think I care.”

He laughed. “It’s not a tub full of ice cream.”

She pouted dramatically, crossing her arms and sitting heavily into a chair. “Well, boo.”

Len shook his head with a smile on his face. Sometimes he forgot his sister was a child and capable of acting like one. “It’s about Ray.”

“What about Ray?” Her face was open and curious before twisting into a smirk. “Did you finally set that marriage date?”

Groaning, Len shook his head. Lisa had been teasing him for months about what she called his ‘obvious attraction’ for Ray. There was a lot of singing involving trees, kissing and marriage. “No, Lis.” 

“Then what?” She question, face back to one of curiousity. 

Deciding it was better to rip off this particular bandage, he sighed. “Ray and I are together.”

Her eyes widened. “Wait. Like together, together.”

“Yes. Together, together.” He winced as she let out a high pitched squeal before he could even finish the sentence. 

“I knew it!” She jumped up from her chair to do a little dance before shoving her finger in her brother’s face. “I told you!”

Len rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

She was practically vibrating with excitement. “How? And when?” 

At this Len tried his best to deflect. “Doesn’t matter. Now let’s go find Ray so you can break his eardrums too.”

“No, nuh uh, nope.” She sat down in the chair, crossing her arms. “You won’t give me details if we do that. I want details. Gimme.”

Len groaned. “Fine. Two weeks ago.”

Lisa stared at him for a moment and then jumped out of the chair, throwing her hands up, “Two weeks?” She exclaimed. “You’ve been together for  _ two weeks _ and didn’t tell me?”

He winced at the screeching quality her voice took on at the emphasized words. “We were still trying to figure things out.” The excuse sounded lamer out loud than in his head.

“I’m your sister, dumb-dumb. You could have told me!” She scrunched up her face in over exaggerated anger. After a second though, it smoothed out as realization took over. “Wait. Two weeks ago was The Kitchen Fiasco of 1990. Don’t tell me  _ that’s _ what I walked in on.”

Len shrugged. His ears were already damaged beyond repair from this conversation. There was no need to save them. “Yep.” More high pitch angry squeals. “What are you? A pig?”

“Shut up, you poo head.” She dramatically threw her hands up to clasp her head. “I can’t believe you did this to me.”

“And what exactly is it that I did?” Len asked.

“You betrayed me,” she stage whispered. She looked ridiculous with her hands on her head and eyes opened comically wide. 

Len couldn’t help but laugh, earning a glare from his sister. “Why am I getting called names. Ray is just as guilty.”

“No, he wouldn’t do that.” She shook her head before pointing at him. “You made him do it.”

“Oh really?” He laughed.

“Yes, really.” Lisa stated matter-of-factly. “He’s more of a gentleman than you.”

Len rolled his eyes. Honestly, he was ninety-nine percent sure that Ray and his sister had formed some unholy alliance to torture him. The only reason it wasn’t one hundred percent was because Ray was way to naive for some huge plot like that. Unless it was all Lisa’s idea.

Ray chose that moment to walk outside, joining them on the patio. “I heard the screaming. I take it you told her?”

Len nodded. “My ears are going to be ringing for weeks.”

Lisa ran over to Ray and hugged him. “You would have told me earlier right, Ray?”

Ray looked to Len with a pleading look. No doubt he wanted to know how best to answer without setting one of them off. 

Len shook his head. “Leave him alone, ya little monkey.”

“No!” She looked up at Ray. “I’ll save you from the mean dragon.”

“What am I a princess?” Ray laughed at the same time that Len yelled, “Hey!” 

With that they quickly dived into play. Lisa being a daring knight trying to save her prince from an evil dragon. Of course it ended with Lisa killing the dragon and “riding off into the sunset” with Ray. Really, this Ray-Lisa alliance would be the death of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is late but we had some things to attend to yesterday and writing/editing took a back burner position. But hopefully this chapter makes up for it! 
> 
> Also notice that there's a defined number of chapters now. We're nearing the end! I'm super excited to show you all what I have planed. 
> 
> As always, feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information. And send thanks to my beta [Mimi!](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) She's the woman behind the curtain here really.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray checked all the usual rooms and shadowed corners of the ship but still couldn’t find him. He was about to give up and head out without a reassuring goodbye kiss when he almost literally ran into Leonard in the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is replacing Ray's and Kendra's talk in episode thirteen before she goes to face Savage and Ray goes to kill the mega death robot.

Ray purposely sought out Leonard before leaving to fight the giant robot. They were both going into life or death fights with strong odds against them. He was worried they wouldn’t get another chance to talk to each other again, as depressing a thought that may be. Comfort was needed and he looked for it in Leonard.

He checked all the usual rooms and shadowed corners of the ship but still couldn’t find him. He was about to give up and head out without a reassuring goodbye kiss when he almost literally ran into Leonard in the hall.

Len set his hands on Ray’s shoulders to stabilize him. “We have to stop meeting like this, Raymond,” he sounded exasperated but the fond, amused look on his face spoke differently. 

Ray laughed awkwardly. “I think I would have to agree to that.”

“Good. We don’t need you getting knocked out before you got to fight a giant evil robot.” Len pulled back but didn’t leave. “So what has you racing through the halls, not paying attention to where you’re going.”

“Actually I was looking for you,” Ray replied, ignoring the exaggeration Leonard added to the situation. He was not racing through the halls. He was barely walking at a fast pace if you ask him. Though, he hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going. So he had him there.

“Oh? What for?” Len asked, sounding surprised.

“Well, I mean,” he started, stuttering through his words. “You’re going off to fight an entire army under an immortal dictator and well, I’m about to fight a robot the size of the empire state building, possibly exploding myself in the process and uh,”

Len interrupted, smirking, “You wanted to have some big romantic last goodbye in case one of us dies.” He crossed his arms. Everything about him showed amusement at the thought.

However, Ray’s heart lurched at the verbal mention of his greatest fear. He had already lost Anna in that way. He had barely lived through losing her; he wasn’t sure he could live through losing Leonard. Even more since they finally seem to be moving forward in their relationship. “Something like that,” he managed to get out around the lump that had formed in his throat. He didn’t want to lose the one good thing he has going for him at the moment.

If Len heard the strain in his voice he didn’t comment on it.  “I warn you, I’m not one for big romantic speeches.” 

Ray nodded, he expected nothing less. Even in high school, Leonard was never the most romantic boyfriend. He showed his affection in other ways. More than just the physical though.  He showed it through the way that he cared, in the way he protected those he loved.  “I would settle for just a kiss?”

Len chuckled. “Of course you would.” He pulled Ray in for a quick kiss.  “Good?”

Ray laughed. It sounded strained but he had managed to put a small smile on his face. “I suppose so.” As quick as it was, it had done wonders for calming his nerves. He was till worried, but just being with Leonard was helping.

Len rolled his eyes. “We’re both going to be fine, Raymond. You’ll K.O. the GORT wannabe and I’ll successfully infiltrate Savage’s base. Kendra will kill him and the day will be saved. The end.”

Ray hummed, contemplating. “That is the plan, isn’t it.”

Len nodded. “According to Rip.”

“And when exactly has anything gone as planned on this whole journey?” Ray questioned. He appreciated that Len was trying to calm him, but the logic was still there making him doubt. Luck was hardly ever on their side.

Sighing, Len responded, “That doesn’t mean we all won’t walk away from it.” It would have almost been sort of convincing, if only there wasn’t something weird in his voice. Ray couldn’t quite pinpoint the emotions behind it. 

“Doesn’t mean the opposite won’t happen either,” he protested. “We can’t predict the future.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Ray sighed, pessimistic thoughts swirling in his mind. “I would rather be safe than sorry.”

“Then stay safe,” Len said with a smirk. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

Ray laughed, thinking about the ludicrous situations they were about to walk into. “I think what we’re doing is, by definition, stupid.” 

Len laughed as well. “True.”

Ray smiled at Len. This was what he needed, something lighthearted. A little laughter always went a long way in picking up his spirits, no matter how low of a mood he was in. However, he felt the need to bring it back to a somber note. “Promise me you’ll be careful?” He needed Leonard to take him seriously. He needed to know that Len would be safe.

Len nodded, still smiling. “I’m always careful.”

Of course he was, but Ray couldn’t shake the feeling he had. On top of that, the weird tone Len had was slightly concerning. Maybe he was just more worried than he let on. “We’ll both be careful and we’ll both come back to the ship.”

Len seemed to hesitate for a moment; so he  _ was  _ worried. “We’ll win and this whole shit show will finally be over,” he agreed.

Ray nodded, swallowing around the lump that had reformed. “Yeah,” his voice cracked and he took a moment to clear his throat. “Easy-peasy right?”

“Right.” Len was looking at him with that same unreadable expression. “You’ll be careful too.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course,” Ray replied. He added with a small smile, “I’m always careful.”

Len laughed. “Now that’s funny.”

Instead of replying, Ray kissed him again. He tried to make it count as it may be their last one. He didn’t want to leave this moment just yet. When they finally parted, Ray didn’t step back. Instead he rested his forehead on Len’s. “We’ll be fine.”

Len opened his mouth to reply but before he could there was a loud noise, someone clearing their throat. They both took a quick step back from each other, looking to the corner of the hall were Jax and Cassandra were standing with matching grins on their faces. 

“Sorry to interrupt but everyone’s ready to head out now,” Cassandra announced, grin firmly in place. 

“We could always tell them you’re busy if you’d prefer,” Jax offered, amused tone echoing hers.

Ray cleared his throat awkwardly, the embarrassment turning his ears read. “Ah, no. Nope. We’re good.” He hoped the high pitched quality of his voice was just in his head. Considering the chuckles coming from the other occupants of the hall, he wasn’t sure it was.

Len took a step towards Cassandra, seemingly brushing off the embarrassment with ease if it wasn’t for the red tinging the tips of his ears. “Better not keep them waiting.” 

Ray watched them leave with a fond smile, not noticing Jax was watching him until they were both out of sight. “What?”

“Nothin’,”Jax’s grin showed great amusement. “Just having a theory proven is all.”

“A theory?” Ray started to head to the workroom. He had to collect a few things in order to repurpose his suit to grow instead of shrink. He easily chose to focus on that rather than the incident in the hall.

“I had thought there was something between you two,” Jax explained, seemingly not as interested in putting the event behind them. “It’s nice to see I was right. Grey didn’t believe me.”

“You told Professor Stein that,” Ray trailed off, not really wanting to say it out loud.

“That you and Snart were a thing?” Jax finished for him, grin growing. “Yeah. He’s my partner. It’s not like I can keep many secrets from him. He’s literally in my head sometimes.” Ray paled a bit and Jax was quick to add, “You have nothing to worry about though. He doesn’t believe it.”

“Oh, yeah,” Ray said, “That makes me feel loads better.”

Jax laughed. “Come on, man. You guys aren’t exactly subtle.”

“What do you mean?” Ray asked, entering the workroom and heading straight for his tools. He would rather fight the giant death robot than have this conversation. 

“You guys have been giving each other bedroom eyes since the first day,” Jax explained.

“We have not,” Ray protested, admittedly it was a pathetic attempt. 

“Maybe not the entire time, but pretty much.” He moved to help Ray gather supplies he would need. “It would be really cute if it wasn’t so painful to watch.”

Ray winced. He hadn’t thought they were being so obvious. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jax rolled his eyes. “Seriously? The sexual tension between you two is so thick I think even Sara is starting to get uncomfortable around you guys.”

Ray blushed. “I don’t,”

“Don’t even try to deny it,” he interrupted what was going to be a firm denial. “Sara and I had a bet going on how long you guys could go without tearing each other’s clothes off.”

Ray’s face grew a shade redder. “That’s not really appropriate I think.”

Jax laughed. “I assume I’m winning then.”

“What is that suppose to mean?” Ray asked, incredulous tone making his voice go up in pitch. 

“Nothin’,” though his continued laughed told Ray that it wasn’t completely true. “Let’s just get the stuff we need to grow us a giant A.T.O.M.” He clapped Ray on the back, signaling the end of the conversation to Ray’s great relief. Though Jax seemed to have one last thing to say. “And don’t worry man. We won’t treat you any differently just because you and Snart are mackin’ on each other.”

Ray wanted to scream.  _ God _ . That giant robot couldn’t come fast enough.

* * *

**_1990_ **

Ray used to think that nothing could beat spending all his free time building things out of spare gadgets he found lying around. However, that couldn’t even begin to compete with spending his afternoons with Leonard. Especially if that time was spent making out. Honestly he couldn’t think of anything better.

Except every once in awhile, in the heat of things he would brush against a bruise or cut. Len would try to strangle the pained yelp or to hold in the wince but it never really worked. Ray had been hyper aware of Len’s well being even before they got together. Now he was only more tuned in.

Ray couldn’t stop Len from returning home once the holidays came around. Len and Lisa were both expected home at Christmas, even if their father was only going to spend the evening passed out drunk on the couch. Ray worried about them while they were gone but he couldn’t convince Len to stay. He claimed that they had imposed enough and he wouldn’t take up their holiday family time. And wherever Len went, so did Lisa. She hadn’t let him leave the Palmer household alone since the incident with the ‘job’ as he elusively referred to it in his head. 

So when both Snarts showed up a few days after Christmas with new cuts and brusies, Ray had had enough of keeping silent. He waited until Lisa was gone to broach the topic with Len. Make out time be damned. This was more important.

“Len, can we talk for a minute?” He asked hesitantly. They were sitting on the couch, curled around each other and watching  _ Alien _ . 

“Uh oh,” Len replied jokingly, without looking away from the screen “You’re not breaking up with me already?”

Ray shook his head. “No! I would never,”

Len stopped him by raising a hand between them. “I was joking, Raymond.” He grinned, pausing the movie and giving his full attention to Ray. “What did you want to talk about?”

Ray took a deep breath. He wasn’t quite sure how to approach this topic. Leonard had shot him down every time he offered his help in the past, but now it was different. They were together now so surely he would listen? Maybe, if he framed his words just right he would make some progress. “You have to promise me you’ll hear me out. Just don’t shoot me down right away. I have reasons.”

Len frowned. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Please?” Ray asked, giving his best impression of a puppy. He knew it always worked on Len. “It’s important to me.”

He had to give Len credit for lasting as long as he did. Ten seconds was a new record. “Fine. I promise.”

Ray smiled. “Okay good.” He took a deep breath, a more serious look taking over his face. “I want to talk about your father.”

He should have expected the immediate resistance. “Raymond, we talked about this.”

“You promised you’d listen,” he exclaimed. “I just want to present you with some options.”

“There are no options,” Len insisted. “The situation is what it is. Nothing is going to change that.”

“But what if it can?” Ray shot back. Then he tried a different approach, putting on his best ‘hurt puppy’ face. “You’re not listening to me. I told you I have reasons.”

Len sighed, annoyance lacing his voice, “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Ray replied with a bit of annoyance as well. “I was going to say, if there was a way you and Lisa could stay together outside of the system, would you be willing to turn your father in?”

Len frowned. “There isn’t a way to do that.”

“But there is,” Ray was getting excited now. Len hadn’t completely shot the idea down. “I’ve been doing some research and I think I found a way.” Len didn’t look like he was about to stop him so he continued. “There’s this thing called emancipation where a minor can file to leave his parents and have complete control over themselves.”

“What?” Len’s face matched the confused tone of his voice. 

“Basically, if you can prove your better off living on your own than with your dad then you can live on your own and it’s perfectly legal.” Ray grinned as he explained.

“I assume there are requirements?” Len asked, obviously not completely on board yet. Ray was just happy that he was listening. 

Ray hummed in agreement. “Some. Basically you have to prove that you can live away from your dad which you basically already do so it shouldn’t be hard to prove. And you have to be seventeen, which you are.” 

“What about Lisa.” Len was quick to ask. “She’s only nine.” 

This was going to be the tricky part. He wasn’t sure Len would be on board with his solution for this at least. He spoke slowly, hesitant, “Well, I was thinking, my family could adopt her?” He sped up his talking speed in hopes to prevent Len from protesting too quickly, “I mean you guys already practically live here and nothing would really have to change. My mom has never said it but I know she has always wanted a daughter so she would be happy to,”

Len held up a hand and covered Ray’s mouth. “Shut up.” He pulled his hand back at Ray’s hurt look. “Just,” he sighed, “give me a second to think.”

It wasn’t a no. Ray was suddenly filled with more hope than he was a moment ago. He stayed quiet, letting Len process everything.

“Your family has been really kind,” Len said, voice sounding as if he was just thinking aloud. Ray decided not to interrupt. “And Lisa has been happy. Safe.” Len was quiet for another moment. “If we do this, how would we go about it?”

Ray was practically vibrating with excitement. “Really? You like my plan?”

“For now,” Len said, a small smile forming on his face. "Now what did you have in mind?”

“Well,” Ray started. He hadn't really thought too far ahead, having assumed Len would shoot him down once again. “We have to prove that your father is incapable of taking care of you.” 

“And how do you suppose we do that?” Len asked, eyebrow raised in questioning. 

Ray shrugged. “I hadn't gotten this far,” he stated honestly. “I didn't expect you to agree.”

Len sighed, “Well after so many years you start getting tired of taking a beating. Besides, I also need to think about what's best for Lisa.”

That was surprisingly reasonable for Leonard. He was so strong headed that Ray wasn't sure he would agree to logic if it hurt his pride. But he seems to have been proven wrong. “You guys could testify. Say what he’s been doing?”

Len took a second to think about it as Ray waited patiently. “Wouldn't that take too long? And we couldn’t exactly stay at home while the legal shit happens.”

“Oh. I hadn't thought of that.” Ray frowned. 

Len nodded, a contemplative look on his face. After a moment he let out a frustrated groan. “I don't know of a way that would be quick enough.”

An idea suddenly struck Ray. “What if he gets arrested? What happened all those times before?”

Len looked to Ray, sudden realization lighting up his face. “We were immediately put in the care of our grandfather.”

“So you could just do that again,” Ray stated excitedly, his speech getting quicker as he went on. “You grandfather could take you in until we get through all the legal stuff.” 

Len was quiet when he responded, “That could work.” 

Ray was ecstatic. They were finally getting somewhere. Lisa and Len were going to be safe. “So how do we get him arrested?”

Len took another moment to think. “I could always purposely screw up a heist for him. Get some times wrong or something.”

“Would that put you in danger of getting caught?” Ray asked, concerned.

Len shook his head. “Not if I play my cards right.” Len grinned. “And I almost always do.”

Ray laughed. “It's the almost part that I'm worried about.”

Len waved off his concern. “I'll be fine. If I think it will put me in danger I won't go through with it.”

Ray frowned, still not one hundred percent on board with the notion. He trusted Leonard though. “Alright. Sounds good.”  

Len smiled at Ray. “Now all we need to do is carry it out.” 

Ray smiled back. He was worried. As Len was detailing out everything he could do, planning fifteen moves ahead, Ray couldn't help but feel as if something would go wrong. It was implausible with the amount of thought Len was putting into making his plan perfect, but Ray couldn't help it. 

There wasn't much he could do, beyond inserting a suggestion here and there as Len plotted. All he could really do is listen. Listen and hope that everything turned out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're winding down here guys! Only five chapters left. Are you ready for it?
> 
> Also it is three am here and Mimi ditched me about an hour ago to go to bed so about ten percent of this is unbeta'd. I was just eager to get this out to you guys. So if there are any typos or plot holes blame her for wimping out on me.
> 
> Oh! And keep an eye on Absolute Time. There may or may not be a TimeHex side story being posted soon.
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information and the shenanigans I get into with my beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) while writing. Sometimes she likes to be more of a detriment than a helpful person.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray was right. Len did care about the future. He even cared a little about saving it but that wouldn’t outweigh his need to erase that pain he had seen in Lisa’s face. No one was worth more than his sister. Instead of addressing Ray’s accusation, he sidestepped it, “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m getting off this ship. Now are you coming?”  
> Ray shook his head. “I’m not about to abandon what we started here and neither should you.”  
> “I’m going, Raymond, with or without you,” he wasn’t sure why he added it, maybe to shock Ray into following him.   
> Whatever it was, he would regret it as Ray responded, “Then it will have to be without me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter's past portion has a display of child abuse as well as homophobic language. If you wish to skip it, stop reading after Len and Lisa enter their home. Stay safe readers.
> 
> This chapter's present portion takes place after Jax has been affected by the time drive and is aging. Len and Mick decided to leave the ship and instead of going straight to the jump ship, Len goes to find Ray.

Leonard would like to have said this was the most pissed off he’d ever been but then that would be a lie. There were plenty of times throughout his life where he had been angry enough to kill. There were also many of those moments in which he had killed just to relieve some of the anger. He tried not to be proud of those moments since he’s ‘changed’. 

But Rip had ripped of the seal on his carefully contained anger, no pun intended. Since the first day on this ship Leonard hadn’t trusted their dear captain and for good reasons too. Rip hadn’t given him a reason to trust him. Quite the opposite actually. He was constantly hiding things from the rest of the crew. It wouldn’t be so bad, after all everyone is entitled to their share of secrets. However, Rip’s secrets had put them into life and death situations more than once. Hell this entire mission started as one of his lies and even if most of the band of misfits on the ship had forgiven and moved on, Leonard couldn’t.

And now there was this. The capture of Savage instead of his death and Rip’s obsession with getting him to the Time Counsel. Then there was Jax lying in the Medbay and aging to death way faster than he ever should. Rip had broken the limit of the amount of shit Leonard was willing to look past. 

There was also that nagging feeling of  _ wrong _ that was creeping along the edges of his mind. His nerves were practically on fire, warning him something was coming. This feeling was one that he had learned to listen to from early on in live. It was time to go. After all, he had promised his sister he would come back to her.

He just had to find Ray. There was no way he was leaving without the idiot. Mick trailed after him, fortunately smart enough not to mention that he was wasting time searching for Ray when they could be back in 2016 by now. They walked through most of the Waverider before he spotted Ray as he was storming out of the hold. 

“Please tell me you didn’t try convincing Savage to ‘do good’,” Len smiled. As angry as he was at their situation, teasing Ray always did wonders in cheering him up.

“What? No. I just…” Ray gaped at him before understanding crossed his features. “You were joking.”

Len’s smile widened as Ray started to relax. “I know not even you are that dumb, Raymond.” 

Ray gave a small chuckle at Len’s words. “It’s not like I didn’t think about it.” Len nodded, having expected as much. Ray wouldn’t be Ray if he hadn’t. “So,” he sighed and then proceeded to ask, “I assume you didn’t just come here to check up on me?”

Len frowned, thoughts coming back to why he had searched him out in the first place. “We’re leaving.”

“Leaving?” Ray asked, voice sounding as confused as he looked. “Leaving where?”

Mick had wandered down the hall some, either impatient to escape the ship or to give them some semblance of privacy. “We’re going back to 2016,” Len announced. “After what Rip did to Jax, I’m not going to sit around and wait for it to be my turn.” He had made a promise. Screw what the future said. He was going back to his sister and putting this whole failed mission behind him. 

“What about the mission?” Ray asked. 

Len huffed a laugh. “This mission was doomed from the start. Let Hunter deal with his own demons.”

Ray’s frown only deepened at his words. Len knew convincing Ray to leave would be hard, but it was something he had to at least try to do. “I don’t know. What about the future we saw. What if Rip can’t get Vandel to the Time Master’s without help?”

“Who cares about a future that takes place decades after we die when we can live to fight another day now?” Len crossed his arms to keep from fidgeting with them. It was important he got Ray to come with him and it was important that he did it fast. This feeling eating away at him would only continue to get worse the longer they stayed on the Waverider.

“I do. All those people in the future do.” Ray scoffed. “Come on, Leonard. Don’t pretend your the cold villain you made yourself out to be. I know you better than that.”

Ray was right. Len did care about the future. He even cared a little about saving it but that wouldn’t outweigh his need to erase that pain he had seen in Lisa’s face. No one was worth more than his sister. Instead of addressing Ray’s accusation, he sidestepped it, “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m getting off this ship. Now are you coming?”

Ray shook his head. “I’m not about to abandon what we started here and neither should you.”

“I’m going, Raymond, with or without you,” he wasn’t sure why he added it, maybe to shock Ray into following him. 

Whatever it was, he would regret it as Ray responded, “Then it will have to be without me.” He held his head high, determination in his features. 

Len knew he had lost in that moment. Ray had set his mind to staying and so he would. Now he had a decision to make. He would have to choose between Raymond and his sister. It was a choice he had been forced to make before and he still wasn’t sure if it was the right one or not. “Don’t do this,” his voice had softened almost to a whisper at the prospect of what he would have to do. “I left you behind once before. Don’t make me do it again.” 

Ray reached out, pulling Leonard towards him. Len allowed himself to be pulled until his crossed arms brushed against Ray’s chest. Ray leaned forward until their forehead’s brushed. Leonard was thrown by how much comfort came to him in this one simple gesture. “Then don’t leave me,” his voice had softened to match Leonard’s. 

Len closed his eyes, relishing in the comfort of Ray’s embrace. “I can’t stay,” and it hurt more than it should have to admit it. Lisa had always been first in his life and she would always remain there. “I promised Lisa.”

Ray sighed, pulling back and causing Leonard to open his eyes and watch as emotions flickered across his face. They settled on understanding. “I get it.”

“Then come with me,” he would never admit to pleading, but he was. 

“I can’t, Len.” He took a step back, visibly swallowing. “I can’t abandon this mission. You’ll have to leave me behind.”

Leonard closed his eyes against the emotions welling up in them. He took a minute to breathe, to gather courage for the next part. He opened his eyes. “Okay.”

Ray frowned but he reached forward again, pulling Len into a lasting kiss. “Go take care of Lisa. I’ll find you once the mission is over.” 

Len nodded, once again brushing his forehead against Ray’s. “Don’t get yourself killed, boy scout,” he said as he pulled back.

Ray smiled and responded, “Stay safe, Leonard.”

Len turned and walked away before he lost the courage to do so. He met Mick at the end of the hall.

“Haircut not coming?” He asked, following behind Leonard as he turned the corner down another hallway leading to the jump ship. 

Len swallowed past the lump in his throat. “No.” Mick knew Leonard enough not to push it any farther than that, so they silently made their way through the ship and away from the chaos within. 

* * *

**_1990_ **

A month of plotting. That’s all it took before the time to execute was upon them. Tonight Leonard and Lisa would finally be free of their father. They just had to make sure everything went perfectly which meant they had to return to their house.

Lewis had already recruited Leonard for a job that would be going down tonight. Luckily, Leonard was to be the getaway driver. It made their plan that much easier to accomplish. But in order to keep suspicion away from them, Lisa had to return to the house as well. There could be no hint as to what they were up to. It had to look like he had nothing to do with what would happen tonight.

Lisa was never part of the planning process. In order to keep her safe, Ray and him had decided to keep her in the dark. They only told her that tonight they would be leaving Lewis behind them for good. Her eyes had lit up with excitement when they told her. She had grabbed their hands to dance in a circle until they were all dizzy and laughing on the floor. 

Now Lisa skipped along beside him, happily humming a song Len didn’t recognize. Seeing her like this, so happy and carefree, made him glad that he decided to do this. At first he wasn’t on board with the idea. He was prepared to stick it out for the years it would take Lisa to become an adult and leave their father for good then. But that would have been no childhood for her. The Palmer’s could give her the life she deserved. That alone was worth double crossing Lewis.

Eventually the energy Lisa was exuding bubbled over into talk, which was normal for her. “So when are we moving in with Ray? We are going to live in the same house right? Or are they going to build us our own house in the back yard.”

Len rolled his eyes fondly at her questioning. “We aren’t dogs, Lis.” He looked at her and smirked. “Or at least I’m not.” 

She pushed him and he feigned tripping over himself to draw out a few giggles from her. “I’m not a dog either,” she exclaimed. 

Len laughed and answered her seriously, “We’ll be staying in the same house as Ray and his family.”

Lisa grinned. “Does that make Ray my brother now too?”

Len shrugged. “If you want him to be, I guess.” 

Lisa’s grin widened which should have clued him into what would come out of her mouth next. He just liked to believe she was smarter than that. “So does that mean you’re married?”

Len nearly tripped over his feet for real. “What would make you think that?”

“Well you can’t be brothers because then you couldn’t date. So if he’s my brother but not your brother then you gotta be married.” She looked proud at her reasoning, hands on her hips and a wide smile on her face.

Len shook his head, hoping that any of the red on his face would be shaken away with the gesture. “That’s not how that works.” He started walking again, having come to a stop to prevent any further tripping scenarios. 

“Why not?” Lisa asked, having to walk faster to keep up as Len refused to match her pace as punishment.

“Because it’s not,” she said with a pout in her voice. Len didn’t even have to look to picture her face with her lip stuck out.

“Well that’s not a real reason.” They were coming up on their house and Len could see his father’s car out front. It was expected but he had hoped they would have a few hours to themselves before he showed up.

As they walked up to the door, Lisa replied, “Well I want you and Ray to get married, so now you have to.”

Leonard laughed quietly as he opened the door. “That’s not how it works either, Lis.”

“I don’t care,” Lisa stated, crossing her arms in a pout as she crossed the doorway into their house. “Ray would do it if I told him to.”

“That’s because Ray loves you more than me and we both know it.” He smirked as he closed the door behind him. It would be really cute how Lisa had Ray wrapped around her finger if it wasn’t for them constantly teaming up on him. He hadn’t been able to pick a movie for movie night since the first one. Even then it was only because Lisa had wanted to see  _ Star Wars _ too.

Lisa grinned as she always did when reminded of how much everyone loved her. “I don’t know about that. He doesn’t kiss me.” 

Leonard opened his mouth to respond but before he could his father appeared in the entrance way. “What’s this about kissing?” They were just in the door and Lewis already seemed pissed off. There was a beer bottle in his hand indicating the start of a long night.

_ How much had he heard?  _ Len felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on his head. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. “Nothing,” he muttered, trying to subtly push Lisa behind him. 

Lewis wasn’t ready to let it drop. “It doesn’t sound like nothing,” he grumbled. “Who’s Ray?”

If it had felt like ice water had been dumped on him before, now he was submerged in the arctic. He had heard much more than Len had hoped. “Nobody.” 

“Is that who you’ve been spending all your time with?” It didn’t seem like Lewis was willing to let this subject go. 

“Lisa,” Len wouldn’t turn to her but hoped the serious tone in his voice would be enough for her to obey. He would never turn his back on his father in this state. “Go to your room.”

“Lenny,” She started to protest but her voice shook. There were unshed tears in that sound. 

“Go Lisa.” He kept eye contact with his father as he gave Lisa a slight push behind his back. She didn’t need any further prodding as Len heard her shuffle up the stairs after that. Leonard was just glad his father let her go. It didn’t always turn out like that. He supposed the reason was that Lewis’ anger was pointed more at him. He squared his shoulders and put on a brave face for the conversation ahead.

“I take it I’m right?” Lewis took a swig from his bottle. 

“You are.” There was no point going into this conversation with lies. In his state it wouldn’t matter either way. 

Lewis stared him down. “What’re you doing that for? Isn’t this house enough for you?”

Leonard couldn’t help but scoff. “I’m allowed friends, aren’t I?”

“Sure,” He said in an offhanded manner but there would be something else. There always was something else. “Are you fucking him?”

Everything in Leonard stopped as he stared at his father. “What?” he managed to croak out.

His father’s face contorted into a scowl. “So you are.” 

Even though he knew it was coming, Leonard didn’t register the blow until he slammed back into the door. He reached up to hold a hand to the side of his face where his father backhanded him. He knew better than to cry out. 

His father wasn’t paying attention to him as he started to pace, slinging his bottle around as he ranted. Leonard kept an eye on it. “As if you weren’t already enough of a disappointment. Now your a fag too?”

Leonard winced at the slur his father practically spat out. He had never liked that word. He slowly and silently got up. He didn’t respond. He knew it wouldn’t affect anything either way. 

“Is this Ray kid a fag too?” Lewis spat out.

Leonard could take a lot of things, a punch, a name, a slur, but he would not let another person take the same. Especially someone who couldn’t be there to defend themselves. Especially if that someone was as innocent as Raymond. Leonard grit his teeth and did the one thing he knew he shouldn’t do. “Don’t call him that.”

Lewis paused to stare at his son. “I will call him what I damn well please, boy. Now shut up and listen.” His voice had gotten louder the longer he spoke before quieting back to a normal tone, “I’ve got another lesson for you.”

He ignored his father’s warning. “Raymond has nothing to do with this.”

“Seems to me like he has everything to do with his,” His father took a step into Leonard’s space. “Maybe I should be teaching him a lesson too.” 

Leonard scowled. “Leave him out of this.” He wouldn’t allow his father anywhere near Raymond.

Lewis threw the bottle and it smashed inched from the side of his face, glass and liquid raining down around him. Leonard flinched and backed up against the door. “I do not take orders from you,” Lewis shouted, reaching forward to grab the front of Leonard’s shirt. He pulled him until he was in his face. “I will do as I damn well please.”

Leonard winced but nothing more. He was already in deep with this. He didn’t need to make it any worse on himself. 

Lewis released him by pushing him away and back into the door behind him. “You’re lucky I need you tonight.” He rolled his shoulders. “But then again you don’t need much to drive a damn car.”

Leonard barely had time to cover his face with his arms before his father through the first punch, knocking him sideways. The second one connected with the side of his head as Leonard slid onto the floor.

Lewis straightened and looked away from his son curled up on the floor. Turning towards the kitchen he demanded, “Now clean this shit up. We’ve got a job to get to.” 

Leonard stayed in the same spot as his father left the room. His head was throbbing and he could feel the stinging from where the glass cut him. The confrontation had taken all the joy out of what was suppose to be a victorious night. 

He had gotten use to Lewis’ ‘lessons’. He knew what to expect from them and usually was able to tune out everything his father did or said. But not this time. This time Lewis had threatened Raymond and that was something he couldn’t just ignore. He wouldn’t allow Raymond to become another victim to his father’s wrath. 

Once he had decided this he began to move, cleaning up the glass. As he picked up the shards he began to plan. He had made himself a silent promise. Much like he had with Lisa, he told himself he would never let anything harm Raymond. He would keep him safe, even if he had to break himself in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough chapter to write but a necessary one. Every bone in my body was resisting it. It's part of the reason it took so long. But, as I said, it was necessary to see why Len does what he does later. I hope it wasn't too hard on you guys though and if you had to skip it I will not see it as a insult to my writing. You gotta do what you have to to stay safe.
> 
> As always feel free to check out my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for SoT related information or if you just wanna chat or yell at me. 
> 
> Also check out my beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) as she is amazing and half of the reason I am able to write these chapters. She whips my procrastinating ass into shape.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re saying that the Time Master’s wanted everything that has happened on this ship to happen. Including the relationship drama and petty fights?” Anger was lacing his voice and forced Ray to finally look at him. Leonard was glaring at Rip, though his anger was directed elsewhere, and was clutching the top of a chair so tight that his knuckles were white. “You’re saying that they wanted Ray and I to get back together after all this time to what? Rip us apart for their own amusement?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The present portion of this takes place right after they escape from the vanishing point the first time and everyone is learning about the Oculus.

Escaping the Vanishing Point felt like a personal victory in a war where they were on the losing side. Ray could breath better now that he was out of that cell, out of the reach of the Time Masters. Even if he was fated to die, he was glad it wouldn’t be in that cell.

But that was the thing wasn’t it? He was going to die. It was essentially a fact he had to come to terms with. Processing it would take some time though; time they didn’t have in this war of theirs. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Finding out you were going to die created a mix of emotions.

On one hand, he wasn’t nearly ready to die. He still had plenty he wanted to do. He and Leonard had just mended their relationship. They were finally able to be together and now death was going to rip them apart? It was too cruel. 

On the other hand, there was a sense of liberty. All the worries, all of the seemingly significant blockades preventing him from doing whatever he wanted were suddenly gone. He had the biggest urge to eat a large chocolate cake and it was freeing to know that he no longer had to worry about repercussions. After all, he was now living each moment as his last. 

He was leaning against the console on the bridge as he let these thoughts swirl in his mind. They were waiting for Leonard to come back with an update on Professor Stein before they told everyone else about the Time Master’s time manipulating. 

Eventually Leonard came through the door, announcing, “Professor’s in the MedBay. Promises not to blow up while on board which I thought was considerate.” He moved his hands in a gesture to mimic blowing up as he said the words. Ray couldn’t help a small smile at that. He was always so dramatic. 

Len smiled back at him as Rip responded, “Yeah, the Professor’s condition is the least of our worries, I’m afraid.” The ex-time master was leaning heavily against a chair, looking as if the situation was physically weighing him down. 

Ray figured it was time to rip the bandaid off. “Yeah,” He started, ready to just get this over with, “much to my chagrin, it turns out everything we’ve done, maybe even our whole lives,” he turned to place his hands on the console for support but also so he didn’t have to see Leonard’s face as he spoke. He knew the man wouldn’t take this conversation well. Especially what Ray was still having trouble coming to terms with. “Has been determined by the Time Masters.”

“What?” Sara asked, moving to sit forward in the captain’s chair. 

“The Time Masters have this thing called the Oculus, which allows them not only to gaze into the future, but to engineer it.” Rip emphasised his words with hand movements as if they weren’t enough to convey the gravity of the situation.

Ray took a breath to steady him for what he had to admit next. “A future where I’m dead, apparently.” 

“What?” Ray heard Len ask from behind him just as Sarah asked, “And why would they want you dead?” Ray refused to look back but he could practically feel Leonard’s gaze on him.

“Have you ever listened to what comes out of his mouth?” Rory asked. Ray could appreciate a bit of humor to lighten the mood. At least what he hoped was an attempt at humor. Still it was a bit hurtful to hear.

“Now, in my opinion, Dr. Palmer’s death is not part of their plan,” Rip tried assuring them. 

Ray was pretty sure it wasn’t working. At least not on him, and definitely not on Leonard. Without even looking at him, he knew the other man was stewing in some sort of angry mix of emotions. Ray voiced his thoughts, “No, that’s not reassuring.” Ever helpful, Mick reached over to punch his shoulder, causing Ray to release an incredulous, “Ow.” 

“You saying the Time Master’s wanted me to do that?” He asked, showing his reasoning for the punch but that didn’t make it anymore welcome. 

Leonard had been a little too quiet the entire time. Ray knew he liked to observe mostly and interact secondly but given the subject material he had expected a bit more of a response. It may have taken a while but he finally got it. 

“You’re saying that the Time Master’s wanted everything that has happened on this ship to happen. Including the relationship drama and petty fights?” Anger was lacing his voice and forced Ray to finally look at him. Leonard was glaring at Rip, though his anger was directed elsewhere, and was clutching the top of a chair so tight that his knuckles were white. “You’re saying that they wanted Ray and I to get back together after all this time to what? Rip us apart for their own amusement?” 

Up until this moment, neither of them had acknowledged their relationship out loud. The moment Leonard said it the entire situation became more real. The revelation that this was it, they were a  _ couple _ , hit him like one of his dwarf star powered blasts. 

After spinning from that realization, another hit him. Len had just admitted to their relationship out loud in front of  _ everyone. _ He quickly looked around to see everyone’s reactions. However, no one seemed phased. In fact, it seemed as if it was old news to Sara and Mick.

Rip was the only one who seemed to react in a way showing he hadn’t known before. He stared at Leonard for a moment before looking back and forth between the two of them. He apparently decided to move past without comment as he went on to reply, “What I’m saying is that they’ve been engineering our lives to move in very specific directions. And we are playing out that script even now.”

“So we can go to 2016, but that might be what the Time Master’s want,” Sara said, stepping out of her chair and towards the console, resting her hands on it. “Or we can go get Kendra and Carter,” 

“Which could also be what they want.” Len finished, the anger still affecting his tone.

That actually gave Ray an idea. “Then we need to do what they don’t want.” He paused as everyone looked to him for more explanation. “If the Oculus is what they’re using to control us, then we need to destroy it.”

“But how do we do that if the Time Bastards are pulling our strings?” Len asked. He still looked mad but Ray knew giving him a plan to turn over in his mind would calm him, even if it was just a little.

Rip spoke up, giving more hope to the plan, “Well, Druce told me that the Oculus’ ability to control our actions doesn’t work in the Vanishing Point, most likely because the Vanishing Point itself exists outside of time.” 

“Explains why we were able to escape.” Mick added. The more they talked about it, the more likely this plan was seeming to be the one that worked.

“And why we might actually have a shot at destroying this thing.” Rip dipped his head in a quick nod so Sara continued, “I’m with Ray.” She smacked him on the opposite shoulder than the one Mick had punched but earned the same, “Ow.” as him, only with a bit more of disbelief. He expected it from Rory at least.

“If I’m going to be someone’s puppet, I’m gonna be the one who cuts his own bloody strings.” Rip agreed with a quick glance around to everyone else.

“And I like blowing stuff up.” A typical response from Mick but either way it was a vote for the plan.

Len still hadn’t said anything. It was important to Ray that he was on board with this. However misconstrued the train of thought was, he felt that with Len this could actually work out. So, he gave his best speech to win him over, “We set out on this mission to stop Savage and save the world. To become Legends and change our fates. That mission hasn’t changed.” 

“This is madness,” Leonard stated, walking up to the console to join the rest of the crew. “I like it.” He quickly jerked his head to smirk at Ray. Typical dramatics. Ray released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and smiled back. 

“Gideon, plot a course to the Oculus Wellspring.” Rip stated. “Team, I think it’s about time we seized our destinies back.” It was dramatic, but exactly what the team needed to hear. 

“We’ll be within range in just sixty minutes, Captain.” Even Gideon’s disembodied voice seemed jollier at the declaration. 

“We’ve got an hour before we reach the Vanishing Point,” Rip echoed as he pushed away from the console. “I suggest we all use the time to prepare for the battle ahead.” He left them to enter his study and prepare in whatever way it was that brooding ex-time masters did.

Ray didn’t stick around, heading towards the kitchen as soon as Rip informally dismissed them. It was partially due to a certain sweet calling his name but mostly it was a poor attempt to skip out on a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. Poor because he wasn’t even two meters down the hall before Leonard was calling out to him.

“Raymond,” his voice was firm, serious. He wasn’t going to let this conversation pass and Ray wasn’t stupid enough to ignore it. He turned to face him and waited for Leonard to walk over to him. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and expect to walk away like nothing happened.”

Ray gave him his best forced smile, hoping it came off at least a little genuine. “A guy can hope, right?”

Len shook his head and crossed his arms. “What’s this about dying?”

Ah, so they were jumping right into it then. “The Time Masters took Rip to see the Oculus.” Ray shrugged, trying to make it seem like hearing he was doomed to die was less of an ordeal than it actually was. “It just so happened to show him my death.” 

“How,” Len asked. There was a look on his face, one Ray couldn’t name but it pained him to see.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “I didn’t ask.”

Len let out a puff of air. “This whole thing is a total shit show.”

Ray laughed at the elegantly put summary of the past hours events. Or rather all the past events in general it seemed. “It is, isn’t it.”

They were both silent after that. Ray knew where Leonard’s mind was taking him and he’d be lying if he said his didn’t go there as well. What did this revelation make their relationship? Was this something the Time Masters had been plotting? Had they look in that principal’s office all those years ago and seen two potential puppets they could exploit? 

Len was the first to speak, his voice somber as he summed up both of their thoughts, “What does this make us?”

Ray sighed and replied with the best answer he had, “Exactly what we’ve always been.”

Len smiled slightly. “Even if it turns out we only got together because of the whims of some power crazed puppeteers?” 

Ray smiled back, reaching out to pull Leonard to him. “Yes.” He kissed Leonard’s forehead and then his lips. “We will always be us.”

Leonard chuckled and shook his head. “You’re so sure of yourself.”

Pulling back so that he could look him in the eye and hopefully drill his point across, Ray responded. “Of course I’m sure. Leonard, I will always,  _ always _ love you.” Leonard pulled back further, and expression of shock crossing his features. “No amount of time manipulation can change that.”

“Raymond,” Len started but nothing more followed. It felt like a warning. It felt like a promise.

“They may be able to manipulate our actions but they cannot manipulate our emotions,” Ray stated. He truly believed this to be fact. What Ray felt was too strong for something easily manipulated by a group of evil time bureaucrats.

Len stared at him, eyes and echo of the gears Ray knew was turning in his head. After a moment he smiled. “Who knew you could be so astute.”

Ray grinned back. “I am a man of many talents.” They both laughed, relishing in the absurdity of the moment. 

Len brought them back down to reality a moment later. “It doesn’t make this situation any less fucked up.”

Ray silently agreed. “We have to make what we can out of it though, right? If I’m going to die, I have to die with no regrets.” He tried to brush aside the morbidity of the subject with a smile.

Not amused in the slightest, Leonard replied, “You’re not going to die.”

“There’s no promise I won’t,” he spoke truthfully. The entire situation was up in the air. Would he die if they destroyed the Oculus? No one knew. They could only hope it worked out that way. 

Leonard bopped him lightly on the head. “Don’t think that way. We’re going to blow up the mystical fountain thing, kick some time master ass, and be back in time for snacks.”

Ray chuckled. “Snacks, really?”

Len smirked. “Weren’t you headed to the kitchen?”

“Yeah,” Ray answered, confused. “But what’s that have to do with it?”

“You’re not going to have time to stop by the kitchen,” he said matter-of-factly, adding in a shrug for extra dramatic flare.

Ray still didn’t understand. “There’s at least half an hour before we arrive at the Vanishing Point.”

“There is,” Len agreed but added, “Are you telling me that you would rather spend that time gorging on sweets?”

“I don’t,” Ray started but suddenly the looks he was receiving and the words Leonard was saying started to add up. “Oh,” he grinned back at him. “I suppose not.”

“Good.” Leonard took his hand and pulled him in a completely different direction than the kitchen. They would spend the next minutes forgetting the questionable circumstances of their relationship and instead enjoying the byproducts of it.

* * *

**_1990_ **

Ray had been pacing in his room ever since the Snart siblings had left. The alarm clock beside his bed kept drawing his gaze even though he knew only seconds had past since the last time his eyes landed there. Had it really only been a couple hours?

He was nervous to say the least. Their plan had only a slight margin for error and if he wanted Leonard and his sister to be free of their tyrant father, he needed to pull off his part flawlessly. Though his part was the easiest, he couldn’t help the nerves.

He kept picturing what would happen if they failed. Leonard could end up in juvie again or, since he was so close to eighteen, jail. If his father found out what they were planning it could end with Leonard hurt or worse. Maybe even Lisa could get hurt. There were just too many variables for Ray to feel comfortable enough to relax.

But he needed to calm down. It wasn’t doing anybody any good to have him freak out for the next few hours. He needed to force himself not to think about all the things that could go wrong. Instead he needed to think about what would happen once everything goes right. Because he had to believe it would.

First would be that his parents would have to file for adopting Lisa. He talked it over with his mother and she agreed to taking Lisa in. She had always wanted a girl after all; the proof was in the new dresses and hair styles Lisa left with after every long term visit. 

Then after that was getting Len emancipated, which with his father out of the picture should be fairly easy. Lewis was the definition for an unfit father. Len would be his own person in no time. And then both Lisa and Leonard could move on with their lives. They wouldn’t have to be scared to enter their own house or stay out too late. 

Ray would be lying if he didn’t say he was excited for what this meant for his and Leonard’s future together as well. Even if it technically had nothing to do with it, it felt like they could be free in a sense to pursue it. The train of thought brought up a memory from a week ago.

It was one of the nights where he had been unable to sleep. He was anticipating the fast approaching moment of truth and was feeling the nerves for it even then. Len had always kept weird sleeping hours and had slipped into his room to stare at the ceiling and just coexist in the same space. It was reassuring just to lay next to him. However, even then Ray knew he just needed to get his mind off of things so he asked, “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when this is over?”

“Hug Lisa until she begs me to let her go,” Leonard had replied quickly. He turned to look at Ray. “And then I’m going to kiss you until we can’t breathe.”

Ray had turned his head to look back at Len with a grin. “Glad to know I’m on your list of things to do when you’re finally free.”

Len had smirked and replied, “You’re always on my to do list.”

“Pervert,” Ray had laughed, reaching over to hit him on the chest with the back of his hand.

Len had captured it after it landed, twining their fingers together and holding it close. “Have I ever told you how glad I am that I met you?”

It had been one of the rare moments where Leonard would get sentimental and grossly romantic. Ray loved those moments. “No. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad to have met you too.”

They had grinned at each other as Len brought his hand up to kiss Ray’s knuckles. “Do you ever think about fate?” he had asked softly, whispering it against the skin of his hand.

Ray had hummed thoughtfully. “I mean scientifically speaking there’s no such thing.”

“Yes, but what do you think?” Len had laid their hands between them as he waited for a response.

Ray had shrugged. “I suppose there are forces in the world that science has no theory for yet.”

“Would it kill you to give a straight answer?” Len had rolled his eyes as he turned his head back to stare at the ceiling. He had gone quiet but just before Ray prompted him for why he had asked, Len had said, “I think that there has to be something out there that drove us together.

“For so long it had just been me and Lisa. She was the one good thing in my life, the one thing I lived for. I had believed that she was it. The only match to a soul like mine.”

“Len,” Ray had started, but couldn’t come up with anything to say.

Leonard had turned away from the ceiling to look back at Ray. “Then you showed up. Something so good there had to be some mysterious force pushing us together.”

Ray hadn’t known what to say so he had squeezed their entwined hands, hoping some of what he was feeling transferred through them. On the moments Leonard got like this his words seemed to come from another plane of existence entirely. One would never guess that the bad boy Leonard Snart with his shaved head and heated glares could spout poetic theories dancing around the four letter word both of them were too scared to say.

He had a plan for that word though. In that moment, lying next to each other and staring at Leonard as he stared back, Ray had made a promise to himself. The first thing that he was going to do when Lewis Snart was out of their lives was tell Leonard that he loved him. Because this feeling, the warmth in his chest as they whispered back and forth, the way butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Leonard smiled softly at him, and the way he couldn’t stop looking at him. This feeling had to be love.

With that resolve in mind, Ray broke from his memories. Looking at the clock, he saw it was time. He took a deep breath and went to the phone in the hall. It was time for him to do his part. Soon he and Leonard would see each other again and Ray will tell him. Everything would be fine. 

He picked up the phone and dialed what would be the three most important numbers of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another chapter only days from the last. I kind of wanted to spoil you guys for being so awesome. Also because the last chapter was such a downer I wanted to give you guys something cute. I may also be more sporadic with updates because I'm getting excited for the end.
> 
> Speaking of, as we approach the end this will be the last port in a major shit storm. Fill up on the fluff because it's mostly downhill from here.
> 
> As always, feel free to hit me up on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) I am always up for chats or just general mutual screaming. Also check out my beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) because when she's around she prevents me from doing stupid shit like letting these boys have that discussion in the past outside because I forget they're in the middle of god damn winter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was it, the reason his nerves were on fire. He couldn’t move, only stare wide-eyed at Ray. A mantra of ‘this is how Raymond dies’ repeating over and over in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH  
> We all knew it was coming. Now it's here.
> 
> Also note that the past and present parts are switched. It didn't feel right to have the past go last in these last two real chapters. You'll understand why at the end.

**_1990_ **

Leonard wasn’t dumb. He understood how the universe works, but mostly he understood how people worked. Especially people like his father. The threat he had made on Raymond was not an idle one. Lewis was prepared to follow through and Leonard would be damned if he would allow that to happen. This is why when it came down to it, he did what he did.

The plan had been simple. Len was the getaway driver for his father’s heist. At nine Lewis’ crew would break into the empty office to retrieve the gold coins that were apparently worth millions from a safe on the sixth floor. Len was supposed to wait until they came out and then drive them to the warehouse where they would all supposedly lie low for a day or two. However, Len had a different plan.

He would wait until nine fifteen. That was when Ray was to call the police. At that point he would return home, collect Lisa and what little belongings they could pack quickly, and then drive to Ray’s house. By ten thirty they would finally be free. 

Len wished that’s how it could have gone but Lewis was always there to ruin a perfectly constructed plan. Raymond had been threatened and it caused Len to realize something. There was no doubt in his mind that his father would eventually track him and Lisa down. It was naive to think otherwise. And when that happened, Ray would be in danger. 

So Len stuck to the plan except for one step. He went home at nine fifteen. He helped Lisa finish packing what they needed to take, and then he drove them away from the house. They left all the bad memories behind them, though neither were stupid enough to believe it would stay that way. Still, it was a liberating feeling. Lisa couldn’t stop smiling.

The deviation from the plan happened in one simple step. A left turn, where he should have taken a right. Soon he was driving away from the high class part of town that the Palmer’s inhabited. Instead he was going deeper into the inner city and to a small apartment complex in the rundown part of downtown.

Lisa’s smile faded with every mile they went in the opposite direction. “Lenny, where are we going?”

Len ignored her question. He wasn’t ready to break her heart. He was still in the process of breaking his own. Instead, he chose to let the building he pulled up to do the explaining.

Lisa looked up at it, confused. “This is Mick’s place. I thought we were going to Ray’s?”

“Change of plans.” It was the only explanation he was willing to give at the moment. It was the only one he was able to give without breaking. So, he got out of the car without another word.

Lisa followed him out and to the front door. “Why? Is Ray here?”

Len ignored her again in favor of buzzing Mick’s apartment. He was prompted to buzz again after a minute of no answer and his sister staring holes into the side of his head. 

After a third time, there came an answer. “-esus. What?” The voice was gruff and Len easily recognized it as Mick’s despite the weird feedback coming from the speaker.

“Mick, it’s me.” He called, holding the button to speak. “And Lisa,” he tacked on after receiving a kick to the shin. 

There was an annoyed huff and then the sound of the locks releasing. Len quickly grabbed the door, letting his sister in first. They made their way up the stairs to the third floor. This time, Mick answered after the first knock.

The teen looked like he had just woken up. His clothes were rumpled and his eyes stared at them blurrily. His voice was rougher than normal when he spoke, “Wha’re you doin’ here?” 

Ray pushed past him, leading Lisa into the apartment. Without looking back at him, Len asked, “Need a couple more roommates?”

The door slammed shut behind him. Mick never did anything gently. It wasn’t in his nature. However, he could tone it down around things he actually cared about. Lucky for Len, he usually fell under this category. Even more lucky, Lisa always fell under it. “Ya finally leave that bastard?”

Mick had been trying to get them to leave Lewis since he met Len. Len had told him about his father while they were still in Juvie together. He had told him then what he had thought of Lewis. However it was after the first time he met Lisa that he really started to insist they leave, or allow him to burn the bastard alive. They had both shown up bruised that day, but Len was sure it was the sight of seven year old Lisa, smiling through the large bruise on the side of her face, that brought out the ire.

“We’re not planning on going back anytime soon,” Len answered.

Mick grunted his appreciation for this statement. “Lucky for you Rich-y just moved out.”

Before Len could respond, Lisa turned towards him with determination in her eyes. “Where’s Ray.”

“Who’s Ray?” Mick asked.

Len sighed. He had tiptoed around the subject long enough. He ignored his friend’s question to answer his sister’s, “I would assume at home.”

“And why aren’t we there?” Lisa asked, glaring at Len with her hands on her hips.

“Because we’re not.” Len refused to look at her. He was already feeling like shit for leaving Ray like this. Looking at his sister now as mad as she is and as heartbroken as she was going to be would be too painful.

“That’s not good enough!” Lisa practically screeched. “You said we would live together. That Ray would be my brother too.” 

Leonard closed his eyes with a wince. “Leave it, Lisa.”

“You're the worst brother ever,” Lisa huffed and stomped off. She found a room to seclude herself in and slammed a door. 

Len sighed, turning to Mick. “I hope you didn't need that room for a while.” 

Mick shook his head. “You gonna tell me what that was about?” 

“Do you really want to know?” He stared Mick down, letting the other teen take in his haggard appearance. He knew his eyes were red despite not crying. His expression was weary, reflecting how he felt. He was bruised and mentally exhausted. There was no fight left in him.

Mick stared back at him. After a moment he cursed and turned towards the kitchen. “We’re going to need some beer for this.”

Len silently agreed. It felt like a part of him had died with the decision he had made. Telling Mick would make it all too real. This wouldn't be a conversation for sober minds. 

* * *

**_Present_ **

Confronting the Time Masters was proving to be easier than they thought thanks to Jax’s heroic reappearance. However, as Len watched Ray and Rip walk across the miniature bridge to the Oculus, he couldn’t shake the feeling of  _ wrong _ he had been battling all day. It was like an itch underneath his skin that he couldn’t scratch away. He was proceeding with high caution, even though his whole body was telling him to turn around, take Raymond and the Jumpship, and time warp the fuck out of this situation.

Ray interrupted his thoughts, “It’ll take about two minutes to figure out how to self destruct this thing.” His words were confident but they did nothing to sooth Len’s nerves. Ray had taken off the cover of the Oculus to reveal some futuristic inner workings to it. Leonard had no idea how he could begin to understand it. The man was a genius for a reason.

“We’ll buy you some time,” Rip stated before turning to the rest of them and gesturing, “You lot, guard the entrance.” He looked directly at Leonard. “Mr. Snart, you’re with me.” He then turned away, walking towards the front of the Oculus.

Leonard didn’t turn to watch the rest of the team walk away, instead walking across the bridge to the platform Ray and Rip were on. He took up a position beside the Oculus, pointing the cold gun at the back of the room where he could see doors.

They stayed silent for awhile, not wanting to break Ray’s concentration. With future tech they didn’t understand they could easily blow it up before they meant to, killing everyone. Sure, it would get the job done, but it’s not exactly the result they were hoping for.

Rip however, was quickly getting impatient as the minutes lapsed. “How much longer?” The sounds of the fight outside echoed in the empty space around them. Len had to admit, it put a sense of urgency to the situation. 

“Well, I’m about to reverse the polarity matrix.” Ray explained, still concentrated on what he was tinkering with. “Once I do that I say we’ve got about two minutes before this whole place goes boom.” 

“How big of a boom we talking about here?” Leonard asked, keeping his eyes trained on the door but also watching Ray through his peripherals. Big booms could be something of a problem after all.

“On a scale from one to ten, a googleplex.” Ray stated before taking off his helmet and gloves with a frustrated sigh.

“What are you doing?” Rip hissed, taking a side step towards Ray.

“I can’t work with all this gear on.” Ray replied simply. He had gone back to work as soon as he was no longer hindered.

“You can’t.” Leonard didn’t like the way Rip sounded as he spoke. It was a desperate tone, one full of fear. It drew his focus and his gaze.

“A programer needs his hands.” Ray gestured in a jazz hand like mannar. Either he didn’t grasp the severity of their captain’s tone or he was flat out ignoring it. Both would only prove to show how naive Raymond could be.

“Ray,” Rip started, a warning now joining the fear in is voice. 

Ray interrupted him, trying to be reassuring. “I got this. Don’t worry.” 

“No, you don’t,” Rip insisted, dropping his laser pistol and turning completely to Ray. He had moved closer throughout their meager argument and was now right next to him as he explained, “This is what I saw. This is what Druce showed me. This is how you die.”

Ice flooded through Leonard’s veins, causing him to seize up. That was it, the reason his nerves were on fire. He couldn’t move, only stare wide-eyed at Ray. A mantra of ‘ _ this is how Raymond dies _ ’ repeating over and over in his mind.

Ray paused for a moment. When he spoke again it showed that he had resigned to his fate, “It’s okay. All my life I wanted to make a difference. Creating a future for you guys without the Time Master’s influence,” Ray took a deep breath, seeming to steady himself. “That counts.”

Yelling could be heard and Len snapped out of his petrified state. He turned his gaze to a group of Time Master’s approaching. They started shooting immediately. It was only out of sheer instinct that he started shooting back.

Ray peeked around the corner of the Oculus. “That said, I’m in no rush to die so keep ‘em off me, okay?” 

“I’ve got you.” Leonard managed to croak out. His voice was cracked with emotion and he mentally berated his weakness as he shot at an approaching Time Master.

“Time Masters Keep firing!” The bastard Druce could be heard shouting from behind the front lines as Time Masters were both frozen and shot by Leonard and Rip. Len didn’t miss the fact that the so called leader of the opposition was hidden in the back while their own captain was out front and center. Even if he didn’t trust Rip, it said something for character.

A Time Master got a well aimed shot at Rip making the captain dodge, nearly falling over into the abyss around the Oculus. Len fired one more shot off before grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back up onto the platform. He then went back to shooting without missing a beat.

“Thanks,” Rip grunted out quickly. He quickly returned to the task at hand, realizing the priority here was protecting Ray’s work.

“Don’t mention it,” Leonard sniped, though with less bite than he intended. He was trying not to show how shaken he was by the earlier realization but was just barely managing it. His mind wasn’t focused and he was missing his targets more than he hit them. A new mantra of ‘ _ Why? Why now? Why him? _ ’ repeated in place of the last. He was lucky he could even take down as many as he was, mainly due to the fact that he could sweep the beam of the cold gun unlike a normal gun requiring aim.

It was a relief to hear Ray’s, “All right. Almost done.” However, it was almost immediately followed by a “Uh-oh.”

Leonard’s stomach dropped as he and Rip in unison repeated, “Uh-oh?”

“There seems to be a failsafe to prevent tampering, which probably includes trying to blow this thing up,” Ray explained, voice having the slightest tinge of panic.

“Meaning?” Len asked harsher than was probably necessary. He couldn’t help it. The crawling beneath his skin coupled with the feeling of his stomach fallen to his feet was starting to make him panic. He didn’t like this situation. He didn’t like the way it was going.

“I have to maintain contact with the failsafe it order to destroy the Oculus.” There it was. This was the event that his entire body had been foreshadowing. For once, words failed him. He was frozen again, only firing his weapon out of habit rather than thought. Silence settled in as each man processed the implications. “Get back to the ship,” Ray finally broke through the quiet with a stern command. 

“Hell no,” Leonard immediately growled out. He wouldn’t leave Raymond. Not again.

“We are not leaving without you,” Rip insisted, firing at the closest Time Master.

“You've already seen the future,” Ray protested. He had stopped working on the Oculus and was watching them. “I'm dead already.”

A sudden realization clicked in Leonard’s mind. A conversation had come back to him.  _ “They told me you were dead.” _ Ray wasn’t dead already. He had to be around to tell Lisa so that meant… He pulled his gun back and walked over to Ray. “You stubborn son of a bitch. I can’t believe you’re making me do this again,” it was whispered. Leonard wasn’t sure who he was saying it to. Himself, maybe? Ray? Fate? He wanted to laugh. 

Ray looked at him with sorrow in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Leonard,” his voice broke as the emotions welled up in his eyes. Len knew what was going through his mind. They didn’t have enough time. A ship full of time travelers and yet they still couldn’t manage to master time.

Leonard hooked his fingers in the breastplate of Ray’s suit, pulling him in for a kiss. He poured as much of his emotions into it as he could. Every moment they had shared and every chance they hadn’t taken. All the passion and anger and joy and sorrow that had built up over the expanse of their relationship made the kiss searing, one worth remembering. 

When Len pulled back there were tears in both of their eyes. “I love you, Raymond.” His voice cracked yet the weight of his words still carried.

Ray’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth. “Leonard,” he swallowed visibly. “I love you too.” His voice cracked as the tears finally started to spill down his cheeks.

“I know.” Len smiled a broken smile, pulling back from Ray’s space. “Forgive me.”

Ray looked at him with confusion, mouth opening to speak. Len didn't give him the chance. He hit Ray hard over the head with his cold gun. There was only a moment of shock on Ray’s face before he crumpled to the ground. Len immediately took Ray’s place in holding the release lever, leaving his gun resting on Ray’s side. 

“What are you doing?” Rip exclaimed, rushing over from where he had been shooting. 

“Take him and go,” Len stated, voice stronger than he felt.

“What is with this team and martyrdom? I am not leaving any of you,” Rip hissed as he stooped down to shrink Ray. 

Len watched Rip safely tuck Ray into his pocket before explaining, “Someone needs to stand here and hold this lever of doom while everyone leaves and you certainly can’t do it.” He closed his eyes and swallowed, not believing he was saying this, “So go.”

Rip stared at him with more emotion than he had ever seen the ex-Time Master direct at him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Eventually, Rip nodded, prompted by a close laser shot. 

“You’ll have to do something about Mick,” Len stated, swallowing around the emotion caught in his own throat. “He’s not going to like this.”

“No one is going to like this,” Rip replied as he backed up towards the door, shooting his way out.

Finally alone with his decision, Leonard closed his eyes. He couldn’t figure out how he ended up here. A few months ago he was tearing up Central City with Mick. Now he was about to go down as a martyr for people he barely knew. His own words came back to him and he bit back a bitter laugh.  _ “I’m not interested in being a hero.” _ If only Barry could see him now… 

“No, shut it down.” 

Leonard opened his eyes and looked to see Druce staring him down. What did the man think he was going to do? Will Leonard to listen to him? Well he would be hard pressed to find that commands were something Len was never good at following.

He could hear the sounds of weapons charging and he actually laughed. Shooting him would accomplish nothing. “Shut it down!” Druce insisted once again. 

Plenty of time should have passed for the rest of the crew to get on the Waverider. Hopefully they were already years away from now. Len smirked, remembering a line Rip had said earlier. “There are no strings on me.” With one last thought towards Raymond, one last wish, one last regret, he released the switch. There was a sudden bright light and frantic whirling. 

Then, nothing.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) is editing chapter seventeen as I post this. It's coming soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All these emotions came after. After the initial shock followed by the numbness. Later Mick would tell him that after his breakdown he had stared at the wall for hours, everyone too afraid to move him for fear he might break. Time lapsed around him, without him, until the anger hit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The present portion portrays Ray's reaction to Len's death and a conversation with Mick.
> 
> Also note that the past and present portions are reversed. It felt like cheating the impact of Len's death if the past came after such an impactful moment.

**_1990_ **

Ray had waited. Around midnight he started to worry. What if something went wrong? Did he give the right address? Was Leonard captured as well? All kinds of scenarios swirled in his mind. He wished he had a way of contacting Len. Why couldn’t mobile phones be more practical and less expensive?

He paced in his room throughout the night, waiting to hear something. When the sun started to rise and he heard his father moving around to get ready for work, he had made up his mind to go to the Snart’s and find out for himself what had happened. Leonard’s warnings be damned. This is what he gets for not being prompt.

Two hours later and he was lost. Lisa had only taken him once and then he had been too worried about Leonard and focused on calming Lisa to pay attention to where they were headed. After another two hours he gave up, returning home in hopes that they had showed up in the time he was gone. He waited by the door for most of the day, only leaving to eat and take a quick nap.

This repeated over the next three days. He had scanned the newspaper each day hoping for some news. Any news would be better than none. Three days later he got it. There was an article on the attempted robbery, listing the arrests as Lewis Snart followed by some other names he didn’t know. Leonard’s wasn’t there. So where was he?

It was another three days before he got his answer. A letter arrived for him sporting a familiar slanted scrawl, Leonard’s. He tore into it desperately, hoping for answers. Hoping for reasoning. He got what he wanted, but not in the context he wanted it.

_ Raymond, _

_ Forgive me. Lisa and I are fine. We’re at a friend’s place and we are safe. Everything went according to plan. Lewis is in prison and we are free. For now. _

_ However, I cannot let this go on. I have decided it would be best if we stayed away from you. Please know it has nothing to do with you. I realized that being with me would ruin you and I cannot allow that to happen. _

_ I’m sorry, Raymond. _

_ LS _

The first thing Ray felt was anger. How dare he? He had left Ray waiting, worried sick while he had the time of his life at some friend’s house. Ray hadn’t even known Leonard had friends. On top of that, he had assumed what their relationship was doomed to be without even taking Ray’s opinion on it. It was insulting.

Ray crumpled the letter into a ball, throwing it angrily towards the trash by his desk and missing by a foot. Tears welled up in his eyes as he grit his teeth. Leonard had no idea what he was talking about. Ray could have handled anything that was thrown at him if it meant they could be together. 

But Len had stolen that from him without even so much as a goodbye. The least he could do was show his face. Allow a proper goodbye. At least he should have allowed him and Lisa that. 

He was angry and frustrated. Tears streaked his face as he fell face first into his bed. He wasn’t sure how long he laid there after turning his face to glare at the wall. Eventually, exhaustion set in, built up from days of terrible sleep followed by the emotional flood of the last minutes.

Before slipping into unconsciousness, his mind settled on something. He didn’t believe for a second that Leonard had left him for good. If anything, Lisa would drag him back after a few days of cooling off. In the meantime, Ray would wait. When Leonard showed back up he would be ready with a good lecture waiting.

He fell into sleep with hope that they would see each other again soon enough.

* * *

**_Present_ **

Ray had sat numbly through the assembly Rip held on the bridge. Later, he would wish he had talked about how heroic Leonard was, no matter how much he would have hated to be called as such. He would wish a lot of things. It wouldn’t change the facts of what happened.

He wanted to scream, to raise Leonard from the dead to beat that stupidity out of him. He wanted to berate him for leaving him alone again. He wanted to ask why he willingly left him again. 

_ “I love you, Raymond.” _

What a lie that was. If Leonard had ever loved him, he wouldn’t have died. Ray didn’t want to be without him. He had gone years without him before and the first break nearly left him shattered. He wasn’t sure he could pick up all those fractured pieces again.

_ “Forgive me.” _

It was a laughable thought. Once before he had easily forgiven him, but now?  He wasn’t sure he could. He was angry with Leonard, so angry. 

But all these emotions came after. After the initial shock followed by the numbness. Later Mick would tell him that after his breakdown he had stared at the wall for hours, everyone too afraid to move him for fear he might break. Time lapsed around him, without him, until the anger hit.

He went into a rage, furiously pacing his room and throwing anything and everything in his way. No one stopped him despite how loud he was and eventually he wore himself out. That’s what led him to where he was now, sitting idly in the kitchen, staring at the cupcake in front of him. 

_ “We’re going to blow up the mystical fountain thing, kick some time master ass, and be back in time for snacks.” _

_ Ray chuckled. “Snacks, really?” _

Stupid. The tears that had been welling up in his eyes since he sat down finally spilled. They were so stupid, to think that both of them would return from the Vanishing Point. 

“Haircut,” Mick announced himself. Ray hadn’t heard him come in which showed how out of it he was. Mick was by no means quiet.

Ray wiped his face with his sleeve and sniffed. He turned to the other man and tried his best to smile. “Hey, Mick.”

Mick stared at him with a frown. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” he asked as the fake smile fell from his lips. He didn’t have the energy to keep it for long.

“Act like you’re perfectly fine.” Mick moved to sit across from him. “We both know that’s a load of shit.”

Ray let out a bitter laugh. “I suppose so.”

Mick studied him as Ray returned to studying the sweet in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to eat it. His appetite was long gone. He had only come to the kitchen out of knowledge that he needed to eat but upon seeing the cupcake he couldn’t bring himself to follow through.

Mick stayed silent, allowing Ray to simply breathe. Ray was thankful. He wasn’t sure how he would react to sympathetic ramblings, no matter how well intentioned they were. Hearing ‘I’m sorry’ does nothing for the situation. It only shows how useless one could be in times where use is needed.

“You going to eat that?” Mick’s gruff voice interrupted his thoughts and Ray lifted his gaze to the other man. He didn’t look any better off than he was. Though Ray had been sure Mick was one of those people who would never cry, his eyes were red-rimmed and there was a weariness to his face that only comes from extreme bursts of emotions. Grief hung over them both, weighing them down with sorrow and anger.

“No,” Ray managed to croak out, sliding the cupcake towards the other. Mick pulled it to him but did little more than stare at it, just as Ray had been doing before. “It takes away your appetite, doesn’t it?” There was a bitterness to his words yet he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Mick just nodded in agreement. He let a moment of companionable silence linger before reaching into his jacket and producing a silver ring. Staring at it as he rolled it between his index finger and thumb, he began to explain its significance to Ray, “He planted this on me before everything went to shit.” He huffed a singular bitter laugh. “Bastard always had a plan.”

Ray watched the ring shine as Mick rolled it back and forth. He couldn’t bring himself to ask so he stayed silent until the other continued. “It’s from the first job we pulled together. Things went tits up when we found out the security gained a boost. We were only able to make off with a hundred dollars worth of jewelry, including this ring.”

“Why’d he keep it?” Ray forced himself to ask. As much as thinking about Leonard hurt, it also helped to hear stories. Some twisted form of keeping his memory alive he supposed.

Mick set the ring down on the table between them, eyes still watching it as he replied, “He said it reminded him that no matter how much effort and planning goes into it, a job can still go sideways. Or something like that.”

The parallel of that symbolism and their current situation was not lost on Ray. He huffed a bitter laugh. “Stupid,” he mumbled under his breath.

Mick must have heard him anyways as he grunted in agreement. “You should have it.”

Ray looked up from the ring to stare at Mick, surprised. “Why? It has more value to you.” 

Mick shrugged, looking up from the ring as well to match Ray’s gaze. “I have no use for it. ‘Sides, I’m not the sentimental type.” Ray didn’t interrupt despite having strong suspicions that Mick was lying. He had been looking at the ring with too much emotion to not feel anything for it. “I’m sure he would have wanted you to have it anyways.”

“Why would he plant it on you and not me if he meant for me to have it?” Ray couldn’t deny that he would love something from Leonard. A memento, more memories to keep alive, just something that may relieve the hollow feeling in his chest. 

“You’re suit has no pockets,” Mick answered. “Honestly he probably would have given it to you eventually anyways.”

“Why do you say that?” Ray asked, not truly ready to believe.

Mick shrugged once again. “There’s some irony in a plan going sideways paralleling with your relationship. It’s something he would have found hilarious.”

“I suppose there is,” Ray conceded. He continued to stare at the ring, contemplating everything Mick had just confessed. The man seemed to have one more, however.

With a world-weary sigh, Mick stood up, grumbling, “I shoulda got beer for this.” Once standing he placed both palms on the table and looked Ray straight in the eye. “He woulda married you with this ring. I have no doubts.”

Ray’s eyes widened as the shock he felt overtook his body. He was frozen, watching Mick collect a beer from the fridge before making a hasty exit. When he could finally move, he stared down at the ring.

Marriage had been the furthest thing from either of their minds. In the past there was no reason to hope they would marry. The times wouldn’t allow it. After meeting for the second time, their relationship had still been new. They were just starting to get past what had happened before. They were happy and content with just being what they were in the moment. 

Thinking about it, he assumed he may have wanted to marry Leonard some day. He just would have never expected Len to want the same thing. Now, the idea brought back the tears he had managed to wipe away before. There were so many things they had left undone. So many words not said. So many milestones not met. There were too little ‘I love you’s and too many angry words. It left Ray feeling cheated.

Something he had been unable to be angry at before now made him boil with rage. Fate had screwed them. Whether or not it had anything to do with the Time Masters or not, they had lost too much to it. They spent too long being bitter. Too long tip-toeing around each other. They hadn’t spent nearly enough time acting on their love. 

Ray reached out and picked up the ring, examining it in movements that echoed Mick’s from before. It would prove nothing to wear it. They hadn’t been married despite Mick’s belief that they would have eventually. Their relationship wasn’t at a level where mementos were given. But for every protest his mind supplied, his heart countered. They may not have been there out loud, but they had loved each other for decades. Even when they were apart that hadn’t changed.

Ray slipped the ring over his ring finger. It was loose, making him frown. The ring was probably meant for the thumb but it wouldn’t feel right wearing it that way. He stared at it there, on his finger, thinking of all it represented. To Leonard, to Mick, to him. It felt heavy with purpose, weighing his finger down.

He took it off and got up off the stool. He clutched it tightly in his fist, unwilling to let it go. He would find a chain for it and wear it around his neck. It would have been impossible to wear it while in the A.T.O.M. suit anyways. This way he would always have it with him, next to his heart where it belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long with the chapters. I had a personal loss the weekend I was suppose to update and these two chapters hit way too close for me. It took me a while but I was able to finally write them. Thank you all for waiting patiently in the meantime.
> 
> There's only one chapter left, the epilogue but it will be worth reading I promise. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) Also if there are any mistakes blame my supposed beta [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) as she refused to read this chapter more than once.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate had been such an omniscient and cruel presence in his life, yet it really showed in his and Leonard’s relationship. Between their first split and this final one, they had been playthings in fate’s hands. They had allowed it to pull them apart and smash them back together like a child with their dolls, only to rip them apart with an overwhelming finality. Fate hadn't given them nearly as much time as Ray would have liked, and he had been angry for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place at the end of the series and is Ray's point of view as Mick goes to speak with Leonard in the past.

Watching Mick walk into that bar and not following was one of the hardest things Ray had ever done. He wanted to see Len again. He wanted to yell at him. Mostly, he wanted at least one last kiss, at least one more ‘I love you’.

Instead he stayed sitting in the cargo hold with Rip as they waited for Mick to return. He idly fidgeted with the ring hanging on the silver chain around his neck. He had worn it everyday since Mick gave it to him. It held a sort of comfort for him these last few weeks. 

Ray was glad Mick had decided he should have the ring. It felt like a part of Leonard was always with him. As cliché as it sounded, the ring helped him get through the first few weeks. It was still helping him.

He felt steadier now. The grief might always be there in the back of his mind but he wouldn't allow it to overtake him. Not like he was for the first few weeks after Rip dropped them off in 2016. 

Until he had decided what Len would have wanted for him, Ray had been a mess. He had locked himself away and refused to answer anyone who came to check on him. Not even Felicity could get him to open his door.

He spent a lot of that time going between bursts of anger and sorrow. He had said a long time ago that whoever had come up with the four stages of grief was full of it. There was no stages for him. They all came in a whirlwind. All except acceptance. That one may never come.

Because of this, most of the things in his apartment were trashed. He couldn't contain his anger at its worst. His ire had no direction, no singular designated target. He was angry at Len for leaving him, himself for not being strong enough to stop him, but mostly he was angry at fate. 

Fate had been such an omniscient and cruel presence in his life, yet it really showed in his and Leonard’s relationship. Between their first split and this final one, they had been playthings in fate’s hands. They had allowed it to pull them apart and smash them back together like a child with their dolls, only to rip them apart with an overwhelming finality. Fate hadn't given them nearly as much time as Ray would have liked, and he had been angry for it.

But the anger eventually mellowed out. He realized that while he lost the most important person in his life, he had gained more. It expanded beyond what sympathy the team had given him before they went their separate ways. By losing Leonard, he adopted the two most prominent people in his life, Mick and Lisa.

Finding Lisa and grieving together would be easy. He missed the little spitfire of a girl he once knew. Through conversations with Len he knew she still could hold her own with her words and now she was even capable of physically protecting herself. He should find her, at least to tell her about Len if Mick hadn’t.

He could also go find Mick and partner with him. They would be each other’s poor replacement for Leonard. Neither would say it to the other, but they both needed that void filled in their lives. It would be a hard transition, one that would never feel quite right, but it would be necessary to the both of them.

There was no doubt in his mind that Len would have wanted Ray to take care of the two most important people in the man’s life. Just as he was sure Len would have wanted Mick and Lisa to look after him. They would keep each other safe as well as holding each other up through their grief. 

Beyond that, Ray had realized he had another duty inherited from Leonard. The glaringly obvious was that Len would never have left a job unfinished. He would have never left a man behind. By letting Rip drop them off in 2016 without a single fight, they had managed to fail at doing both. With Kendra still in danger and Vandal Savage still on the loose, there was some unfinished business to attend to.

That's what led Ray to leave his home for the first time since returning to it. Unleashing everything he had learned from Leonard, he had found Mick and convinced him that they should finish what they started. And they had. Savage was dead, Kendra and Carter were alive and safe, and they were finally done dealing with the Time Masters. Life was looking up. Which is why he supposed Rip had allowed Mick this one favor.

“Captain, it appears Mr. Rory is heading back to the ship.” Gideon’s voice interrupted the ramblings of his mind. He tucked the ring back into his shirt and followed Rip out to greet the returning pyro.

“You okay?” Ray asked. He asked because of the silent promise he had made to Len, despite knowing that Mick didn't do emotions with a sober mind. If he could help it, Mick wouldn’t have to put up with those emotions alone.

“Fine.” The look Mick had given him coupled with the melancholy tone of his voice said the opposite. It said that they would be having a long conversation over a lot of beers later. Ray had learned from Mick that he and Len use to do the same. It was just another void he had decided to fill for the other. Though in truth, it helped him too.

“So did you tell him?” Ray wasn’t sure what answer he was hoping for. There was little chance anything Mick said would have an effect on the outcomes of this mission or else Rip would have never let them come here.

“That he killed himself to save our destinies?” Mick’s tone told them everything he didn't. He hadn't warned Leonard. Not that the man would have believed him anyways.

“If it's any consolation, I can always bring you back to this particular time and place.” Rip turned to Ray then and added, “Either of you.”

Both Rip and Mick had offered for Ray to follow him into the bar. It would have been a chance to get some closure, or at least to say goodbye. Ray hadn't taken them up on it though. Even if he had been ready, they would have screwed up the timeline. And as hard as their relationship had been to progress, he wouldn't have changed it for anything. 

“I'm fine. Just let it be.” Mick pushed passed the both of them and headed into the ship. 

Ray grimaced as Rip’s full attention turned to him. “I appreciate the thought, Rip.” The unsaid ‘but’ hung in the air around them.

Rip nodded, accepting the unsaid decline. “Is there anywhere else you would like to go before we meet up with the others?”

It was a sympathetic gesture, he knew. One Rip would never have entertained before the events of the last month. But there was one place that he needed to go. A place where both he and Mick needed to be. So he decided to accept the offer. “Yes,” he replied and then took a deep breath. “Central City, 2016.”

Rip furrowed his brow. “Returning home?” He supposed Rip had expected him to return to some time in his past. An event that would change events or at least prevent the pain he constantly felt now. It was tempting, but there was something more important he needed to attend to.

Ray nodded. “There’s someone I,” he cut himself off. “Or, well, Mick and I need to see.”

Rip was obviously still confused but he conceded, leading the way back to the bridge silently. Since the mission ended, it seemed Rip had no idea how to be around him anymore. That or he realized that what Ray needed was space, not well intentioned words. They had both lost loved ones in this war after all. Maybe they should start a club. Rip only spoke once in the captain’s chair and it was to Gideon, telling her to plot a course.

When they had arrived on the bridge Mick was already strapped in and waiting for them. It seemed he had the same idea as Ray. They made eye contact as Ray strapped in, a mutual understanding there. They both knew where they were going and who they needed to see.

The next few hours would be hard but they would get through it together. They were the ones Leonard had left behind and they would hold each other up and protect each other when they needed too. It was just Mick, Lisa, and him now. They will be strong, for each other and for Leonard.

They just had to break Lisa’s heart first.

* * *

_ Do you wish to live? _

On the edge of consciousness, the only thing surrounding him was darkness. The cold seeped into his bones. 

_ If you wish it. There is a way. _

The voice echoed through the dark around him. Far away and next to him at the same time.

_ You released fate from its chains. Now I offer you the same.  _

A memory was triggered, _ “Promise me you’ll come back to me.” _

_ But it will not be easy. _

Another memory of a smiling face and piercing brown eyes,  _ “I will always, always love you.” _

_ Do you still wish to live? _

Coming awake, he realized he had much more he needed to do. There were people he needed to be with. Opportunities he had left unopened. Therefore, the answer was easy.

He answered with his heart. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! There's going to be a sequel! I'm planing it for the end of the month so keep an eye out for that. I'm really excited for it (hence why these last three chapters came out in such rapid succession). And yes, Len is making a comeback, but not in the way the DCTV writers have been doing. You'll have to just wait and see (unless you think you can guess).
> 
> I firstly want to thank you all for the comments and kudos left along the way! Even if you didn't and were just an avid reader know I appreciate you! You've all made this ride an enjoyable one. I look forward to seeing you all on the next adventure.
> 
> Also! I'm opening Absolute Time up to requests. Have a scene you want rewritten from another point of view? Want a scene written that wasn't in SoT? Hit up my [tumblr.](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) Seriously, or else [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) is going to fill up the list with requests about Mick.


End file.
